Through the Trials
by jhlth8
Summary: As Alex returns from Witness Protection, Olivia is cold and unfriendly. Through cases, stings, and undercover operations will they become closer? Alex/Olivia pairing. Rated M for later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

**Sight**

She had seen her. She knew that much for sure. '_The nerve,' _Olivia thought to herself as she watched the long-legged woman walk right by the large front window of the bar. Olivia glanced back to her co-workers to see if anyone else noticed. They didn't. Olivia was just out to enjoy herself, or try at least.

It had been a long few months. Earlier that day, Elliot had lovingly told his partner that she looked like "complete garbage" and since they had just closed their latest case, he asked to take her out. Rather, he demanded. Nothing fancy, he promised. In fact, that small, shitty bar in Alphabet City was just what he thought they needed. Fin and Munch joined happily, ready for a break from the hell the past week had been. Cragen was reluctantly tagging along. He knew, as a recovering alcoholic, that he should probably stay away from bars. However, after their last case, they were all in need of some friendship, and with that loving closeness that the detectives at the 1-6 provided for him, he knew his temptation for the drink would never consume him more than that bond.

This latest case had taken a toll on Olivia and Elliot, as well as the whole 1-6. An unidentified young man was mercilessly kidnapping, brutalizing, raping, and murdering older women, most of them in their early 80's. He had a connection at a nursing home in the lower east side, which made his pickups so much easier-even assisted. Olivia and Elliot always seemed to be one step behind the suspect. On Tuesday, an anonymous phone tip led them to an abandoned warehouse. Body. The warehouse led them to a penthouse on the upper west side. Body. Before they had reached the third victim, they thought they had the suspect in their grasp, but he made an unprecedented move by changing his original plans. Yet another body. By early Thursday morning, the trail was cold, until they found another body in close proximity to the last one. Both Olivia and Elliot were utterly devastated and frustrated, spending night after night in the squad room, only catching occasional breaks in the crib. Finally, Dr. Huang had recommended that they go in another direction—cut off his source.

Captain Cragen approved the placement of plain-clothed officers to guard the patients at the nursing home. Miraculously, there were no other women taken. Things seemed ok for the first 24 hours or so, until odd disturbances starting happening at Five Oaks Nursing Home. The power went out, the phone lines were cut, and one member of the staff stopped showing up for his two shifts on Thursday afternoon and early Friday morning. In Olivia's opinion, these could only be distractions by someone who is trying to throw the unit off balance, and find a way into the nursing home.

By chance, a plain-clothes officer picked up a suspicious person lurking outside the entrance speaking with the absent employee. Suspicious of drugs, the officer was quick to arrest both men and take them to vice. However, Cragen wanted to make sure that these people were not the men (or man) they were looking for. After comparing DNA and blood type found at the crime scene, along with the defensive wounds on the man, it was easy for SVU to pass this one on to Casey Novak, the ADA for the squad.

Shortly after Olivia and Elliot entered the interview room, everything poured out of young Jeffery Collins, a 23 year old man who looked no older than 17. Olivia thought he seemed proud, and Elliot agreed. He seemed to labor under the impression that the detectives were interested in his stories—that they actually _liked _hearing how he slashed, raped, and murdered these elderly, defenseless women. Both detectives had mentally checked out throughout his happy saga, but checked in just long enough to hear him confess as to what he did, how he did it, and who helped him. Without incident, he confirmed everything Dr. Warner speculated at the crime scene, and later at the morgue, mentioning pieces that were not made public. Looking through the one-way glass, Olivia cast a sight through to where she knew Casey, Captain Cragen, and Dr. Huang were standing. _'Please tell me this is enough for you. I can't stand to be in the same room with this piece of shit anymore.' _She was done. Both she and Elliot had heard enough. Opening the door, they sighed collectively.

"I'm just glad we caught the bastard…You know, I honestly don't think we have seen anyone as ruthless, unyielding, and just downright crazy as this guy. But maybe it's just the lack of sleep and coffee." Olivia said with a small, lazy curve of her lips. There was no reason to smile-four women had been murdered. People had lost their parents, grandparents, aunts and friends. But, there was a small matter of satisfaction in knowing that everyone at Five Oaks would sleep safely tonight.

After Jeffery and his accomplice, the young nursing assistant who was helping him abduct women, were booked, all of the detectives and Casey convened in the squad room. Captain Cragen had thanked them all for their hard work. He normally didn't give speeches like this. After all, there were no easy cases in SVU, but this one just seemed to hit everyone a little harder. This was the moment that Elliot so sympathetically looked at Olivia, his light blue-grey eyes connected with her warm brown ones, just like they had a thousand times before. He cocked his head slightly while keeping her eye contact. He knew that they could communicate with no more than a look, but chose to speak anyway.

"You look like complete garbage," Elliot said. "Seriously Liv, you look like shit." He had thought about holding it in before he said it, but he knew she could take it. After looking around the squad room, he knew that he very well could be speaking to any of them, but, especially recently, his partner had been in a mood that Elliot didn't appreciate. It's not that it was hateful, or even pessimistic, but it was just not Olivia, and Elliot felt for her. He wasn't sure what had happened, if anything specific, but he knew that something was up, and it was only a matter of time before he got to the bottom of it-even if all he could do to help was lend an ear.

"Wow. You really know how to make a girl feel special El. No wonder Kathy keeps you around." Olivia chuckled as she playfully jabbed Elliot in the ribs with her elbow. She knew that he was right, though. Besides the case, there were just so many other things that Olivia was dealing with. She had been doing a lot of self-reflection lately: volunteering when she had time at the rape crisis center, playing with children involved in a Big Brothers, Big Sisters-type organization, and (even though she couldn't believe it herself) doing a fair amount of yoga and meditation. All of this seemed to have the opposite effect. She felt more distant, disassociated, and just plain blah. She had realized during the Jeffery Collins chase and arrest that she was most likely treating the symptoms and not the cause. Hopefully a night out with the guys would help. Elliot had suggested their usual shithole hangout in Alphabet City, and at that moment, nothing sounded better.

Olivia let Elliot drive, with Fin and Munch in the back—it's always easier for everyone to take the subway home when they all get wasted. This was an unspoken understanding between them all, and at the end of this case, they all knew that's _exactly_ what was going to happen. Kathy had called on their way to the bar, encouraging Elliot to spend time with his fellow detectives, Olivia especially. Kathy had been saying for 8 months that something was up with her, but Elliot had only just noticed. Knowing she was right, he lovingly thanked her and hung up. Olivia quietly wished she had someone calling her and supporting her like that. '_Oh well. It's nice to dream,' _Olivia thought.

Her thoughts slowly strayed back to the case. Finding elderly women's tattered and slashed bodies was not on a list of something either of them ever wanted to do again, and Olivia had a feeling that the reason her partner wanted to go out was because of this case-to help clear his own head, and Olivia's mood lately was an easy reason for him to justify doing so. She knew she had been distant towards her partner, but she also knew that he was a sensitive, loving soul. He was a truth-searcher, and Olivia always saw herself as tainted, muddied, and moralistically bankrupt when it came to some of his values, but she knew that this case hit him hard. It hit everyone hard.

Following Fin into the bar, they crept into the back corner table where they always sat. A few minutes later, Captain Cragen joined them. He always drove himself. Everyone knew he would always be sober, and if he wasn't, their first priority wasn't how to get him home-it was how to get him help. He slid into the circular booth next to Olivia, which gave her a perfect view of the large window in the front of the bar. Elliot took the liberty of ordering two pitchers of Sam Adams to get them started, but ordered Olivia her usual, a Jack and Coke. He knew that his partner hated when people ordered for her, but he also knew that she didn't drink beer very often, and he didn't want her to feel like she had to help them down those pitchers.

"Make it a double," Olivia added from behind Elliot, scooting into the booth. He raised his eyebrows at her and chuckled. "What? Isn't this about trying to forget Jeffery Collins?"

"Absolutely. Just surprised, that's all."

"Thanks, El. Love you." She said with a smile. She knew that alcoholism ran in her blood. Her mother was an alcoholic—rightly so, Olivia always thought, after what had happened in her life. However, she knew how to control herself and was all too aware of the effects of her mother's alcoholism. She had never had a problem with it before. She liked to enjoy herself, but knew when to stop.

"Love you too, Liv." With that, Olivia smiled and turned to look outside. The warm, brotherly feeling Elliot gave her was unlike any she had ever had. She knew that he had her back, and she had his. She knew that she wouldn't ever feel this way about just any partner, and that allowed her to trust Elliot with her life. Olivia had heard the speculation about their relationship. Besides the fact that Olivia outed herself as a lesbian long ago, she would never cross the line with Elliot. He was her brother. End of story.

The wind was lightly blowing in the summer night, moving the young, solitary tree outside the bar to and fro. There was some kind of beauty in that tree surrounded by the concrete jungle that was New York City. She could see an old newspaper gliding across the sidewalk, which also seemed wonderfully artful at the time. Perhaps she was just feeling pensive, forcing herself to see the beauty in life, suppressing everything she had seen the past week. _'Only in New York,' _Olivia thought as she watched remnants of the newspaper catch in the tree, blowing pieces apart. She sipped from her drink until she had realized she was sucking air. It was gone already. '_Wow,' _she thought. _'What the hell.' _Signaling to the waitress, she held her glass and nodded. She slowly refocused out the front window, now seeing the newspaper tear piece from piece, section from section, out of each branch of the tree. It now seemed that there was more newspaper in the tree than actual leaves. '_How quickly beauty is overtaken,'_ she thought.

"Hello? Earth to Olivia Benson. Come in Detective." A single hand waved in front of her line of vision. A hand she knew belonged to John Munch.

"I'm sorry-what?" Olivia asked with a shake of her head.

"I was just saying that I hope Collins gets what he deserves in the brig tonight. A guy like that, even killers and rapists will look down on him. Can't wait to hear about the conviction and the needle in his arm."

"Yeah." Olivia smiled a sad smile and nodded towards Munch. "What was he thinking? I mean, I guess he wasn't. People like that just don't deserve anything."

Her answer was evasive. It wasn't a typical Olivia Benson response, and everyone had noticed. The detectives and Captain Cragen were all expecting some smart-ass remark about a stupid bastard and what else Olivia would do if she could get her hands on him. The detectives all exchanged questioning looks as Olivia asked Captain Cragen to scoot out.

"Ladies room," she said when she noticed the looks on her co-workers faces. "Calm down! I'm not leaving!" She smiled, nodded, and headed to the bathroom.

"Liv!" Elliot had shouted as she was walking away. "Want another?" He held up her empty glass.

'_Holy shit. Is it gone again? Surely I haven't drank that much.'_

"Yeah! Thanks!" As she walked towards the front of the bar she had seen it. It was one moment, a flash in her eyes. Her heart sank and her legs failed her. She leaned against the bar for support as she watched the blonde hair blow in the wind. The younger woman stopped to remove her glasses and wipe the rain off of them. She removed her black suit jacket from her slender frame and gently folded it over her arm. The younger woman placed the glasses in her purse and continued on. As she moved out of the sight of the window, Olivia staggered to the bathroom. She was not drunk, however she felt it in the moment.

She used the toilet and then sat in the stall. She leaned her head against the stall door and blinked, as an involuntary tear ran down her face. _'Not now. No. no. no. I can't even put myself together for me, much less for her. Who does she think she is? The fucking nerve. To walk **right **past this bar and look like that, wearing that shirt and taking off that jacket. God, this hurts.'_

_'Find your resolve, Olivia Benson. Figure it out and let it go for tonight.' _She mustered all of her academy training, exited the stall and washed her hands. Staring at her face in the mirror, she spoke these same words to herself over and over. After drying her hands, she pushed the door open and exited the bathroom. Quickly locating the guys, she headed back to the booth where her drink was waiting.

"You OK girl?" Fin asked.

"Yeah, I'm good. Just a long week, you know. I'm surprised we are all here even walking and standing, much less speaking to anyone. Ha!"

"Yeah, you're probably right." Fin said with a smile. He had always loved Olivia like a sister and wanted her to be happy.

Olivia signaled to the waitress again, still sipping her drink that had been delivered while she was in the bathroom.

"Another double Jack and Coke, ma'am?"

"Oh wow. Uh, No ma'am, please. And, I'll take a double scotch on the rocks, please. And thank you….uhh…" she threw the waitress a smile and a glance as she read the nametag. "Sarah." Now _here_ was the old Olivia that the other detectives knew and loved. Putting the moves on the waitress was, if nothing else, _classic_ Olivia Benson. She had a way of making people feel like they were the only ones that mattered. In fact, all of the detectives had stopped talking and were focused on only Olivia and her new interest, Sarah.

"Putting it down hard tonight, huh?" Finn said as he smiled at Benson, giving her a wink and a nudge. He knew that this was her typical M.O for the past few months. A new day off meant a new woman for detective Benson. Not that she was easy, but Fin knew she wasn't trying to have a relationship. Sometimes it was just easier to go from fling to fling—Fin knew that better than anyone.

"Well, you know what they say…" Olivia said. "Go hard, or go home." And with a wink, she was up once again, this time heading for the bar to meet Sarah with her drink. Sarah was younger than Olivia, perhaps 33 or 34, wearing a typical waitress uniform-blue jeans and a bar t-shirt, although Olivia couldn't deny that the outfit hugged her in all of the right places. She was rather flat chested, but Olivia didn't care about that. She was more of an ass woman. _'That ass does NOT quit,'_ Olivia thought as she walked up behind Sarah. Her curly, black hair flowed from her shoulders down to the middle of her back, and she swept her side bangs out of her green eyes to turn and face Olivia.

All four of her co-workers gawked in amazement. She worked fast. Although they knew of Olivia's fondness for beautiful women, they had never actually seen her in action. The pickup artist that was Olivia Benson was now in full force, lightly touching Sarah's arm and laughing at a conversation they were having. Olivia was wearing her typical ensemble: tight black jeans, a long sleeved white V-neck sweater, complete with a chain necklace and minimal amounts of makeup. She was dangerously beautiful, and everyone knew that. Apparently, Sarah had figured that out as well.

Fin, Munch, and Cragen all laughed this behavior off, but Elliot knew that there was something more that had affected her. But, he would have to let her go. '_Whatever this is, she's going to have to figure it out for herself first,_' Elliot thought. He knew that tonight would be full of meaningless sex for his partner, and part of him chuckled. Maybe Olivia getting laid would relieve some stress, but more than likely, it would be just that: meaningless. He wanted to remind himself to bring this up on Monday, or Tuesday—whenever he saw her next. He knew that everyone needed a break. It was Friday, but everyone had worked close to 85 hours already on this case. Fin and Munch were catching this weekend, so they made sure not to get too drunk, while Elliot had time to spend with his family, and Olivia had time to do whatever it was that she did on the weekends.

Shortly after Olivia finished her scotch, she returned to the table. She gave all of the guys a loving smile. "I think I'm gonna hang around here for a while." She glanced back towards Sarah.

"Be careful Liv. Call me if you need me," Elliot offered over the higher volume of the music that permeated the bar.

"Will do. Go home and spend some time with Kathy. Tell everyone I said hello." She hugged all of her co-workers. Even with this crazy drunk buzz she had going, she knew that these people were her best friends in the world. "Thanks, guys. I'll see you soon."

"No problem, Liv," Munch offered. "We all need to get our heads off of this case. Try to forget about it tonight." They all walked out of the bar after paying their tabs and separated out into the night.

Olivia turned back towards the bar to see Sarah clocking out and saying goodbye to her manager. Her beautiful torso escaped from under her shirt when she removed her work t-shirt and revealed a short royal blue crop top that enhanced her dark skin tone. Her eyes were carefully studying Olivia, who, in her drunken stupor, didn't notice and continued to stare right back.

The fact that Alex Cabot had walked by the window of the bar that night forced Olivia to think that Alex was all she would be thinking about tonight. But, Sarah had her thinking something totally different at the moment. She had to forget about Alex. It didn't happen. She needed someone to help her forget what she was remembering, and Sarah was just that person.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Thank you so much for the reviews! I would be silly to say that it didn't motivate me to immediately get on here again and post more chapters. This is a story that I have been working on solely on my computer-I said I wouldn't post, but have been encouraged by your kind words. Thank you again! I have about 14 chapters written, just waiting to edit and make sure they are good enough to be up here. :)**

**Chapter 2**

**Contact**

The next morning came quicker than Olivia had anticipated. She lazily opened her eyes, searching for her service weapon and badge, locating them on her nightstand. She slid her badge and gun into the drawer in the nightstand and closed it without a sound. Surely, if Sarah hadn't seen it last night, she wouldn't now.

Her eyes glanced over the top of the outlet above her nightstand where she remembered plugging in her phone earlier that morning. She entered her unlock code and was greeting with that same silly picture of herself and Elliot. It was a selfie they had taken almost a year ago. They were both holding donuts and grinning, with their thumbs up-it always made her laugh, especially considering the picture was taken in response to a text from Kathy Stabler asking how their day was going.

_Twelve new messages._

Her phone glared at her in the dark room. She had forgotten that she was involved in a group text with Fin, Elliot, Munch, and Casey Novak. All twelve messages were from Elliot and Fin asking about 'the waitress,' as they called her. The last message was sent at 4:43AM. Obviously not everyone was sleeping well either. Olivia shifted slightly in her bed; she propped herself up on her elbows, and started typing.

_Guys, she has a name. And it was good. Will fill you in later—or maybe not. Ladies really shouldn't kiss and tell. _

She didn't expect a prompt response from any of them-after all, it was 6AM. Olivia hadn't slept well for the past few years, and she just assumed it was because the job and her age had finally caught up with her. Maybe it was for another reason, but she wouldn't let that slip into her mind at the moment.

It had been about 4 hours since she and Sarah had collapsed into the bed, sweaty and breathing heavily. Her chest heaved with deep breaths as perspiration ran from her forehead to her temple. Sarah cradled into the nook of Olivia's neck, lightly kissing and licking the sweat beads from her jawline. The brunette laid back and extended her arm out around the younger woman and placed her hand on her lower back, beginning to trace circles. Sarah was warm, close, and smelled like a mix of beer and her clean cotton shirt. She seemed to crave Olivia, and Olivia willingly obliged. Just as the detective was reliving last night's/this morning's sexual excursions, she jumped as her phone vibrated on the table.

_I call bullshit._

_Well fellas, at least we know there was kissing._

_You guys kill me. I don't even want to know. _

The first text message was, of course, Elliot, followed by Munch and then Casey. Olivia just smiled as she responded.

_See you guys later. Casey, I'll fill you in, but I'm sure you can figure it out. You're a lawyer after all. Try to enjoy your day off, El. And John, it seems like Fin is doing most of the catching! Get to work!_

She smiled, knowing that Munch was probably laughing his ass off at the precinct. Just as she was thinking about Munch, she thought about Elliot and her other co-workers at the bar last night. And, unfortunately, she had not forgotten the one person she wanted to wash from her memory.

_Alex. _Olivia knew that it was her, almost before she turned around and looked out of the window, if that's even possible. Olivia was always able to sense Alex's presence, even when she didn't see her, and she thought that was what had transpired last night. And, of course, she did what Olivia does best: find someone to forget about it with.

Sarah was great. '_Well, she was great in bed,'_ Olivia thought. But was she a great person? Did Olivia even know the half-naked woman laying inches from her? The detective knew that answer was no. Her beautiful black hair cascaded down her back and partially onto her resting face. She was laying on her stomach, facing Olivia, her arms stretched and folded over each other, with her head lying on top of her forearms. Her small, bare breasts were pushed against the mattress and the black thong she was wearing was barely covered by the sheet pulled over her legs and backside. The swell of her buttocks under the sheet made Olivia's breath hitch. She had a small, yet voluptuous body, especially her legs and butt. Standing at a mere 5'1'', her small frame sported wide hips and a thick, strong ass.

She started to stir and open her eyes. Olivia quickly averted her gaze and then looked back to make sure that Sarah didn't think she was ogling her. Sarah blinked open her eyes and smiled at Olivia.

"Hey there," Sarah muttered and gave a weak smile.

"Morning."

"Last night was…." a slow smile crept over Sarah's face, while her one eyebrow rose up towards her hairline. She ran her fingers through the front of her hair and swept it to the side with a long, satisfied sigh.

"I know," the brunette said with a smile and a quick wink. Olivia knew that Sarah was only looking for the same thing she was: a fling. There was some sort of unspoken understanding between them, that they didn't expect each other to call or even mention meeting again. That's just how it was, and that's why Olivia felt so comfortable still having Sarah in her bed. Usually there was an awkward exchange the next morning, normally making some excuse about catching a case or having to go into work early, but she didn't feel that need with Sarah.

The two women talked for a few minutes and Sarah excused herself, saying she had to get back to her apartment to walk her dog. Olivia watched as Sarah slinked out of the bed, put her short crop top back on, and wriggled into her too tight jeans. She walked around in a circle, looking down at the floor, searching for her shoes. After finding them and putting her hair up into a low ponytail, she walked over to Olivia and kissed her on the cheek.

"See you later, Detective."

"Bye Sarah." She watched as the young woman walked down her hallway and unlocked her apartment door. She passed through the door and disappeared from sight. Olivia couldn't help but to think about how much she would love to be that dog right about now.

It was 10:15AM on that Saturday and Olivia was walking into the 1-6. After Sarah left, she tried to go back to sleep, but was pained by constant reminders of Alex. _Why was she back in New York? How long had she been here? Where was she coming from looking like that? _None of these questions needed to be answered, but she would have liked to have known, at least, when Alex came back into town. Nevertheless, Olivia got up and showered, ate breakfast, and decided she needed to be at work. She knew that the more people that were there, the less likely it would be that Cragen would call Elliot in, and Olivia knew her partner needed time with his family after the Collins case. After all, she didn't have any 'family' to speak of, so she didn't want to take Elliot away from his.

"Whoa, Casanova. Bit early, after your late night, dontcha' think? Although I do have to hand it to you…she's a 10."

Olivia heard Munch, but decided to ignore him, except for a smug smile pointed in his direction, and a shake of her head. Fin was on the phone, but noticed the exchange. He smiled at Olivia and waved a good morning greeting her way. It was true, Olivia hadn't felt 100% put together this morning, but the precinct was more her home than her apartment, and it was where her adoptive family was.

She sat down at her desk, facing away from Cragen's office. She propped her feet up on the edge of the desk and started going through her phone—she had 3 voicemails related to past cases and needed to catch up. With a pad and pen, she was listening intently and scribbling information down before she heard a voice that ran ice through her veins.

"Casanova, huh?"

The voice dripped with sarcasm and intrigue. Olivia's mouth fell open. Her heart stopped beating for what seemed like 5 seconds. She dropped her phone on her desk, the pen falling out of her hand onto the pad and further down onto her lap. She instinctively had to remember how to breathe through her suddenly dry mouth. A shiver rattled her spine and worked its way down each leg and through her very core.

She didn't turn around right away, because she knew what she would see. After what seemed like hours, Olivia's blank stare fell on Fin who lifted his eyebrows at her and nodded towards her with a "snap-out-of-it-girl" look on his face.

"Uh. Um. Ch'yeah. Uh, new nickname I guess," Olivia said with, what she tried to make a chuckle. She cleared her throat and swiveled around in her chair, her feet placed firmly on the ground with her elbows resting on her knees. She intentionally avoided Alex's gaze, although she knew the blonde attorney was staring down at her. After a few seconds, she stood to meet Alex, those ice blue eyes as beautiful as ever.

Olivia was pissed. Alex had been in New York and Olivia had known that. She saw her last night in Alphabet City, walking down the street as if nothing was different. Olivia knew she had to steel herself against Alex. She didn't even have to try—alarmingly Olivia's heart seemed to ice over when she made eye contact with Alex. There was just too much history there. Olivia could feel her eyes narrow and her breath become more regular. She could do this.

'_Holy shit,'_ was all Alex could think. In the 3 years that she had been gone in WITSEC she had thought about Olivia almost every day, but never did she think that she would look like this when Alex got back to New York. She never imagined that the brunette detective could look even better than she did when she left. Olivia had always been solid and muscular, but as she stood, Alex noticed that her normally hip-hugging jeans were limp and almost a bit baggy around her waist and thighs. Was that a V muscle pattern she saw leading from her hips into her jeans? Stop Alex. Quit looking, she told herself.

Olivia was wearing a familiar t-shirt that read 'NYPD Softball Tournament May 2001,' and Alex was surprised the shirt actually fit her now, although it fit a little more snugly around the arms, as her biceps and triceps were noticeably more defined. _'How was she still so feminine, though? Ugh. This paradox that was Olivia Benson never got any easier, although it was so easy to watch her.'_ When Alex left for WITSEC, the detective's hair was short and cropped, but now it flowed past her shoulders as she raised her arms up to put it in a low ponytail.

From knowing Olivia for years, Alex knew that she had strictly worn that specific shirt to bed because of how tightly it fit her. She didn't like to wear the shirt out in public because it usually rode up and exposed the small of her back. Alex sighed at the memory. _Olivia's breasts were trapped under the stretched shirt and her hip bones poked out from the bottom seam of the fabric. Her pajama pants slid over the lowest part of her torso, barely covering the top of her ivory lace panties. She was basking in the sunlight, leaning her forehead on her arm on walls of the floor-to-ceiling windows in Alex's apartment. She had spent the night at Alex's after a long case had consumed most of the squad, and they went over trial procedure all night. Alex watched Olivia's muscular frame as she walked along the windows and stared down at the street, knowing the detective had no clue she was watching her. Although nothing came of it, the memory was a frequent scene in Alex's head, especially on lonely nights. _

Alex fought her temptation to continue daydreaming and looked back at Olivia before addressing the squad room as a whole. She peeled her eyes away from Olivia's body and raised her voice a bit.

"Hey everyone, I know not all of the detectives are here now, but I might as well tell you while I'm here. I have been back from WITSEC for about 3 months and I was ordered to lay low for a while once I got back to New York." She paused, not knowing how to continue. "However, I have always thought of SVU—more importantly, this SVU squad, at the 1-6—as my home." She cleared her throat and fought a break in her voice. "Under Judge Donnelly, and with Captain Cragen's approval, I will be returning to SVU, and working along with Novak, starting immediately. I'll see you all Monday!"

With that, she walked over to Olivia's desk and resumed her spot she had not sat in for close to 4 years, at the end of the desk, like no time had passed. She leaned her tight buttocks against the edge of the desk, bearing all of her 115-pound frame on one leg, crossing the other leg over it. She looked at Olivia, searching for a familiar sight in her face.

"So, um…Casanova, was it?" She smiled down at the beautiful honey brown eyes. "Wanna grab some brunch? It was my understanding that you aren't even supposed to be here today. What do you say?"

"No. Thanks. I came here to work out and catch up on some DD5's."

Alex hadn't expected such a cold response. "Work out? Really? Don't you go to the gym anymore?" Alex said this with a laugh, obviously a sarcastic tone in her voice.

"No. I cancelled my membership. "And, on top of that, the precinct got rehabbed and there's a gym upstairs. It's free for NYPD."

"Oh." Alex leaned up off of the desk and stood further away from Olivia, sensing that the detective wasn't feeling very warm and fuzzy towards her. "Well, Detective Benson, it seems like you've been working out enough for everyone in the squad room. You look great." She hoped that Olivia didn't hear the want in her voice, but she was sure it came through.

"Thanks," said Olivia. "Bad guys don't just catch themselves."

"Yeah right Benson! Munch, remember when Irwin tried to run from her last month?" Fin yelled across the scarcely populated room.

"HA! Now _that_ was some funny shit. He was…what...50 yards ahead of her when she started chasing him? Liv, you caught him in about 8 seconds. Don't act like you have to work out because you're so out of shape. If there's one thing I know for sure it's this: I'm getting old, Fin is getting fat, and Elliot is losing a step. You, sugar, are only getting younger. You keep all of us looking good." Munch laughed as he said these words, although he knew he was right with everything he was saying.

"Thanks, Johnny!" She teased with an annoyingly bratty smile and bob of her head. Slowly, her attention turned back to Alex, who was smiling in awe and was transfixed on Olivia's legs. Leaning her head down to meet the ADA's eyes, Olivia cleared her throat. "Counselor, I really do have to finish these," Olivia said shortly, signaling to a stack of papers on her desk.

"Ok. Well, you know where to find me if you need anything," Alex said nodding goodbye and displaying her phone in her hand. She watched as the brunette detective nodded and continued her work.

_'Was this a mistake? What have I done, thinking I could just waltz back in here and make everything magically how it was before…Wow, Olivia had looked so good, so sexy, so desirable. Those legs, those lips, those hips. And, who could deny that rack? Even in a sports bra, Olivia's breasts were something to see. Why did she always look so good?' _All of these thoughts circled in Alexandra Cabot's head as she exited the precinct. Looks like this would be another lonely night for the ADA, but she didn't mind. She was just happy to be back in New York, happy to be back at the 1-6, and soon, hopefully, she would be happy to even be friends with Olivia Benson again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**Memory**

Alex had gone home to her new penthouse on the west side of lower Manhattan, an area more commonly known as 'The Village.' When Alex moved back to NYC, she had reminded herself that she needed to be true to herself. She never really enjoyed reveling in the glitz and glamour of Wall Street, the grandeur of Fifth Avenue, or the old money brownstones that her family owned all over the city. The Village, Alex knew, would be where she would live when-_if_-she ever got back to New York City. The Village drew her in, made her smile, and more than anything, it made her happy. It made her feel like just one of many New Yorker's, and not a porcelain doll up in an ivory tower. Although there were ritzy parts of The Village, especially of late, Alex was happy to be there, and found the perfect spot.

After years in Witness Protection, Alex knew who she was-her time in Wisconsin had surely taught her that. She had so much time to sit and think about everything she knew, and didn't know. Being a lawyer always came so easily to Alex: she could investigate people's inner feelings and motivations, although she rarely knew what her own beliefs and motivations were. She knew that she wanted to do what was right, and right by the victims that she helped, but other than that, she had known that for most of her life she had just travelled in the Cabot way, doing exactly what her prestigious family had expected her to do.

Shortly after her mother died, Alex made a decision that she would do what she wanted, without anyone else's opinions. Caroline Cabot and Alex were not particularly close, however she was still her mother. Alex did miss her very much from time to time, and the fact that she didn't get to attend her mother's funeral made the ache that much worse. Caroline was not particularly fond of Alex's "decision"-as she called it- to date women, as well as men, but she had accepted her first girlfriend, Allison, into her life. For that, Alex would always be grateful. All of these events helped Alex decide that, when she returned to New York, she would do things her way.

She knew she loved Olivia Benson, and that's what was the most confusing for her. After seeing her the day before, Olivia had seemed tougher, harder, and colder than Alex had ever seen her. Alex had peered into those reliable brown eyes and found them almost unrecognizable. She could understand the hesitation from Olivia, though. Before Alex left for WITSEC, the relationship between she and Detective Benson was somewhat difficult to pin. Were they lovers? No. _'Well, there was that one time,'_ Alex told herself. True enough, one night around Christmas 2003, Olivia, Alex, and the rest of the detectives from SVU gathered at a bar not far from the precinct.

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_One thing led to another, and Alex had leaned on Olivia for support, picking up Olivia's arm and wrapping herself under it. The bar was playing a slower, sexy, song, which never happened, but tonight was dubbed "Date Night," a promotional night for couples with kids to get a babysitter and forget about their obligations. A slow song by Usher was blaring over the speakers when Alex moved closer to Olivia. _

_"I don't normally like R&B but this song is making me feel pretty sexy." She leaned into Olivia and laughed, as her body danced slowly into the detective. "Take me home, Detective." Alex whispered in Olivia's ear. _

_"Whoa, Counselor. I think you've had a little too much to drink." Olivia could smell the red wine and appletini's mixed on Alex's breath. The soft, intoxicating smell of the ADA's perfume enthralled her senses, but Olivia knew to back off. Although they flirted like teenagers, neither of them had ever crossed a line. It was no secret that Olivia wanted the lawyer, but she couldn't read Alex. Olivia had always had a sneaking suspicion that Alex felt guilty for her personal life not following in the famous Cabot footsteps. Surely that family couldn't handle having a gay person mess up their untarnished reputation. _

_"I can be the judge of that O." It was always weird when Cabot called Olivia nicknames. Between 'O,' 'Liv,' and the always playful 'Detective,' Olivia was always surprised to hear anything but a simple 'Olivia' escape from the blonde's lips. Stepping back and looking Olivia squarely in the face, Alex moved within centimeters of the detective, placing her lips against her soft cheek, whispering in her ear. _

_"Take. Me. Home…with you. Detective." It sounded like a demand. The words ripped through Olivia's body, down her side and settled low in her core. The flame burned hot, as Alex wrapped her arms around Olivia, swaying to and fro in a playful hug. When they separated, Olivia could sense the electricity between the two women, with blue eyes meeting brown. Their smiles slowly faded and their gazes fell squarely on one another. Alex ran her hands through Olivia's hair. "I've always loved your hair this short. It's so sexy." The ADA's hands ran all the way through and settled on the back of the detective's head, entwining her fingers together at the base of Olivia's neck. Olivia inadvertently let her head tip back. She closed her eyes and released a small sigh as Alex rustled her hair and looked into her face._

_"Alex," Olivia said pleadingly, her eyes rotating between the blonde's eyes and lips. Olivia was unknowingly biting her bottom lip as to save her from kissing the attorney. Alex always thought it was so cute when Olivia had done that._

_"Yes, Detective?"_

_"Stop." _

_It sounded like a plea, and Alex indulged for a second. She placed her hands in her pockets and looked at the detective through a pouting face. It was then that Alex knew she had the badass detective wrapped around her finger. She smiled at Olivia and resumed her position within inches of her, Alex's arms around Olivia's neck._

_"Let's go," the cop spoke as her eyes intently watched Alex's lips._

_With a quick wave and nod to the back booth, they exited the bar and Olivia hailed a cab to her apartment. Olivia had barely spit out the address as Alex seized her lips, tugging on the collar of her leather jacket to pull her closer. The attorney ran her hands through the detective's hair and climbed on top of her, straddling the strong, resilient thighs in the back of the taxi. Olivia's hands searched up the ADA's jacket, finding her hips and placing a hand on each one, slowly thrusting her sitting body up to meet Alex's core. Before they knew it, the cab had stopped in front of Olivia's complex. It was probably better that they cooled off for a second, and they both knew that. Olivia didn't want their first time to be in the back of a cab. She helped Alex off of her and paid the cab fare, throwing a $20 at the cabbie for only a $6.15 fare—no one was worried about change that night._

_They made their way up the stairs. Alex always hated the fact that the detective lived in a fifth floor walk-up, but just saw it as another reason Olivia was always in such good shape. Each flight seemed like a struggle for power, Olivia walking backwards up some stairs, Alex grabbing the collar of her jacket and pushing her down into a sitting position, climbing on top of her in the stairwell. Once Olivia opened the door to her apartment and locked it behind her, Alex was already removing her own jacket in a strip tease for the detective. Olivia unclipped her service weapon and badge and placed them slowly on the kitchen table, while Alex was kicking her heels off. Their bodies slowly but directly mashed together, their hands fighting for places to hold the other. Alex grabbed the base of Olivia's neck and pulled her against her. Olivia's hands, so delicate, yet so strong in that moment, skillfully unzipped Alex's pencil skirt and lifted her blouse over her head, while Alex attempted to unhook Olivia's bra through her shirt. _

_A minute later, both women were clad in their panties and bras, however the ADA was skillfully trying to maneuver Olivia's bra off. Before she could, though, Olivia scooped Alex up, fireman style, and carried her back to the bedroom. She placed the attorney delicately on the bed and looked down upon her. _

_"Alex," Olivia breathed. "Is this something you want to do? Not that I'm doubting you, but you've just had a lot to drink…"_

_"I don't know Liv. You tell me." And with that, Alex seized Olivia's hand and took it in her own. She trailed her hand down into her panties where Olivia could feel the heat and wetness erupting from Alex's core. _

_"Oh my god. You're so wet." Olivia moaned in Alex's ear. Leaning over the attorney, Olivia took the opportunity to unclasp Alex's bra and remove her panties, leaving Alex Cabot as bare as Olivia had always fantasized about her being in her own bed. Olivia removed her panties and remounted Alex, not removing her bra, but letting Alex do that when she was ready. Even Olivia noticed how the attorney would stare at her cleavage during the day, or look down her button up shirt when she was interrogating a suspect across the table._

_Alex immediately noticed what Olivia had done, and she slowed Olivia down. Lifting the detectives head up to look into her eyes, she leaned up and reached around Olivia, unhooking her bra and removing the straps down Olivia's lean biceps that were holding her weight above Alex. The sight was more than Alex could bear. The detective's perfectly tanned, olive-toned, full breasts were within an arm's reach, and as Alex cupped Olivia's breasts in her hands, she could feel the detective lean into her touch, moaning in an approving tone. Alex slid down in the bed and took an erect nipple into her mouth, teasing it with her tongue, while running her hands down Olivia's abs, turning her hand 180 degrees to touch Olivia's eager center. _

_"__**I'm**__ wet?" Alex whispered in Olivia's ear with a smile as she plunged two fingers deep into Olivia's core. She bent her knees so that the detective could sit back and settle on Alex's hand to dictate her own pace. There was nothing sexier than seeing Olivia Benson above her, her breasts bouncing with each thrust, moaning in desire and pleasure for Alex. Quickly, Olivia's mouth fell open and with a small whimper, she stroked her own breasts, and ran her hands through her short hair, while lowering herself back down on Alex's fingers. She moaned in ecstasy and placed her hands down on Alex's tight abs, kissing every inch of her neck and breasts. Alex could feel Olivia's muscles contracting in rapid successions and a release of warm liquid pool in her palm._

_"I think that was the fastest that I've ever come for anyone. The things you do to me, Alexandra" Olivia moaned into her ear. Olivia raised her body up over Alex, removing the attorney's fingers from her throbbing core, with a moan. _

_She slowly placed her knees between Alex's thighs and spread them delicately. She leaned over Alex and trailed kisses down her body, licking her hard nipples and tugging at Alex's bottom lip with her teeth. Slowly, Olivia moved down the attorney's body, paying attention to every spot that made Alex moan, sigh, or smile, before moving past her bare center, and taking the attorney's eager lips into her mouth. Alex thought she could come right then. She reached down between her own legs and guided Olivia's head, her fingers intertwined with the detective's short hair. _

_Before she knew it, Olivia heard Alex panting and pleading with the detective. Her hips began to buck, and Olivia knew it wouldn't be long before __**the **__Alexandra Cabot, ADA, was coming undone under her. She slowly slid two fingers into her lover, and a wave of sensations flooded both women. Olivia gently caressed Alex's inner thighs as she was matching the pace of the blonde, thrusting her hips over Olivia's fingers, eager for more of the detective. Olivia leaned over Alex and kissed her deeply, her tongue swirling in the blonde's mouth, with Alex's tongue massaging along. Alex's moans were stifled into Olivia's mouth and a minute later, Olivia felt Alex's hips buck upwards, muscles contracting around Olivia's fingers, before finally relaxing, when Alex laid her hips back down on the mattress. _

_Olivia rolled off of the ADA and looked into her eyes. Slowly, Alex reached for Olivia's hand and lightly kissed each of Olivia's fingertips, using her tongue for emphasis. Olivia allowed Alex to melt into her touch, making love many more times that night, and finally, spooning into the older detective around 4AM._

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Alex had to quit thinking about the detective in the same way she used to, and she knew that. It was obvious to Alex that Olivia was keeping her distance from the blonde, and Alex understood that is just how it would have to be for right now. After all, Alex knew what she wanted; she had figured it out while in WITSEC. Olivia was it for her, and no matter how hard she had to fight for her, she would do whatever it took.

She slowly slipped into an early afternoon nap, with thoughts of Olivia swirling in her head. She curled up on the couch and took the blankets under her chin with a smile. Perhaps later, she would go out and try to enjoy herself for a little while-maybe take a walk, visit her favorite coffee shop, or read a book in the library—on Monday, it was back to the 1-6, and back to Olivia.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**Encounter**

It was late Saturday night when Alex awoke from her nap. She had only intended to sleep for a couple hours, however, blinking her eyes open, she noticed the clock had read 10:24. '_Guess I needed that,' _the attorney thought, as she stretched her arms above her head, stood up, and straightened out her hair and clothes. _'What to do…'_. Alex hadn't actually been out and around The Village yet, seeing as how she had to lay low after returning from WITSEC and signing her new lease. Since then, she had been staying in, moving her furniture and belongings, and following local cases through emails from Cragen and Judge Donnelly. She wanted that to change. Although she knew the area, she never spent much time in this particular part of New York, and was eager to make The Village her home.

After reading about a club in an email, Alex thought that tonight would be a good time to just walk by, maybe stop in, and see what was going on—if nothing else, she could stop in and relax with a drink by the bar. She pulled on a pair of skinny jeans and a light, cream tank top. After slipping on sparkling gold pumps, she headed out the door, slipping her keys and credit card into her pocket. She didn't really like carrying her purse when she knew she would be out and about. She didn't want to have to worry about putting it down and forgetting it.

Alex approached the front door of the club and was greeted by a bouncer. She knew it was a lesbian club and thought it was funny that it needed a bouncer: there were usually no unruly men pushing people about, but apparently he had his deal of troubles. He collected her cover charge and opened the door for her. She had almost immediately regretted the decision to enter. It wasn't that she felt uncomfortable, after all, she _was _bisexual, and this environment shouldn't bother her. It was only after a few seconds that she realized why she felt a sharp pain in her chest—it was Olivia. At least, she thought it was Olivia.

The brunette was standing tall, leaning against the bar. Her medium-length hair fell lightly onto her shoulders, and highlighted her normally rounded breasts, suppressed under a white dress shirt by a sports bra. She was wearing painted on black pants with light grey suede Chukka boots. Her ensemble was masculine, but she looked so confidently feminine, even as an unfamiliar woman separated the black skinny tie, pulling it towards her to wrap the detective into a kiss. Alex had never seen Olivia wear menswear quite like this, but it was a complete turn on for the attorney.

Olivia leaned away from the blonde, severing eye contact, but the blonde insisted on keeping her close. She tugged at the tie and led Olivia out onto the dance floor, pulling her tie over her shoulder while the detective followed closely behind, studying the blonde's swaying buttocks. Alex had to hand it to Olivia—the woman was striking. She wore a small, shimmering golden dress that was cut about 5 inches above her knees, and hugged her small curves all the way up her body. She was a little shorter than Olivia, although her heels made the two almost even in height. Olivia slinked behind her on the dance floor and placed her hands on the blonde's hips, slowly grinding her pelvis into the blonde's backside. The young blonde craned her neck backwards as Olivia grazed her lips over her neck. Olivia was a great dancer—Alex had remembered that, but this type of dancing was not the detective's style. The young blonde was grinding her ass into Olivia and the detective had her hands wrapped around the woman's hips, just going with the flow.

The blonde turned to face her, and things got heated: she whispered something in Olivia's ear and the detective's eyes widened, accompanied by a sly smile. Alex knew that smile. Olivia wrapped her hands around the blonde, caressing her back and moving her hands down to grip the blonde's cheeks through the dress. They stopped dancing and the blonde took Olivia's face in her hands and started to kiss her. Soon after, she wrapped her hands over the detective's shoulders and hooked her arms around Olivia's neck. Olivia gripped her hips slightly, and pulled her into a strong embrace. They continued kissing passionately for the rest of the song.

Alex knew she had stopped in her tracks, halfway to the bar to watch the scene unfold. She also told herself not to be so surprised—she knew Olivia frequented The Village, but she was surprised to see her in the exact place Alex had ended up. Whatever the reason or cause, she was momentarily shocked, and happy that she saw Olivia like this. Not only did Olivia's physique change while Alex was gone, but apparently her style and taste in women had changed as well. Before, Olivia had sworn she wasn't into blondes, but Alex always thought she, herself, could change that. It was nice to see that Alex was right all of those years ago, although, this woman looked very young, and obviously had a hold on Olivia.

Alex walked over to the bar and started to order a drink when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"Jen?" A slim woman with curled, flowing red hair removed her hand from Alex's shoulder and smiled when Alex turned around.

"No…Alex. I'm sorry you…."

"Oh. I'm so sorry! I confused you for someone else from behind. You know, you look like someone I dated last year. She was…" the woman looked into Alex's face, "just absolutely stunning. I'm sorry…Alex, you said?"

With a smile, Alex quickly turned on the lawyer segment of her brain and suspected this woman didn't confuse her for anyone, but was actually hitting on her.

"Yes. Alex. And you are…?"

"Lauren."

"Nice to meet you, Lauren." Alex placed her open hand out, and without a second's hesitation, Lauren seized it carefully and placed a small kiss on top of the ivory skin.

"You too, Alex. Let me buy you a drink—and before you say no, I know that you were already ordering one when I walked up, so let me at least do that for you."

Alex rolled her eyes a bit, but suddenly found the woman extremely charming. She smiled widely, ordered a merlot and slowly raised the glass to her lips.

"Thanks," she nodded and tipped the glass to Lauren, who smiled at Alex.

"My pleasure. I had you nailed for a wine drinker, but I would have guessed white."

They both laughed and the conversation came very easily between the two women. Over the next hour, Alex had learned that Lauren was a marketing genius—she didn't say this, of course, but Alex could tell that she was as smart as a whip. Lauren was working with her friends who owned a local start up company. She had recently left her high-end job with one of the biggest companies in New York, tired of the 'male-driven hierarchy' in the workplace. She told Alex that although she was in the business world, there were more important things than pencil pushing and profit shares. It was admirable, Alex thought.

For some reason, Alex lied and told Lauren that she worked on Wall Street. It flowed out of her mouth so naturally that Lauren didn't even question it, but it bothered Alex that she was able to lie and deceive her so easily, but she brushed it off, knowing that she would probably never see Lauren again. She wasn't interested in starting a relationship with Lauren, but, even Alex had to admit, she was extremely intriguing, and Alex was having a good time. Before she knew it, she glanced at her phone to check the time—12:55. As her phone illuminated, though, she noticed she had 4 unread text messages.

_Someone bothering you?_

_Not gonna lie, surprised to see you here._

_Seriously, Cabot. I know u can hold your own, but if she is bothering u just yell._

_Guess you're enjoying yourself. Have a good one._

She smiled slightly as she read the messages from Olivia. Lauren must have sensed the fondness that Alex harbored for the sender and gave a weak grin.

"Someone special missing you?"

"Oh. No, nothing like that. I'm not in a relationship." Alex wondered why she just volunteered that information, but continued. "Just a friend here texting me to ask if they need to come get me out of…" Alex motioned her pointer finger between the two of them, pointing to herself and then to Lauren, "…this." Alex finished the remainder of her wine, returned to her phone, and started to reply.

_I'm good. Just having a dri.._

"Oh. That's funny," Lauren responded with a chuckle. "You should keep them around. That's a nice thing to do." Lauren's voice trailed off and her smile faded as her eyes darted directly behind Alex, a questioning look on her face. Alex turned just in time to see Olivia walk up behind her, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"Hi. How're ya." It was a statement directed at Lauren, not a question. She understood this and quickly nodded towards the brunette woman, understanding that she was not waiting for an answer, and was most likely going to continue. "I see you've met my friend, Alex…?" Now _this _sounded like a question. Lauren opened her mouth to speak, but Olivia jumped back in, putting a second hand on Alex's other shoulder from behind, almost possessively holding the younger woman, with both hands firmly gripping her shoulders. "That's nice," Olivia said.

"Yeah, we were just talking," Lauren said, nodding and smiling at Alex. What was this that Alex saw in Olivia's eyes? Possessiveness? Jealousy? As Lauren spoke, Alex looked into Olivia's eyes, piercing through Lauren without any emotion written on her face.

"Ok good. Good. Well, I'll be moving along then. Unless you need anything, Alex?"

In that moment, Alex arched her head back near Olivia's shoulder. She expected to smell the old, familiar scent of Olivia's shampoo and light aloe and coconut body lotion, but instead smelled a citrus and sandalwood mixture that drove her wild. She slowly closed her eyes and wished time would freeze. As she reopened her eyes, she smiled at the detective. She didn't know whether it was the wine, or just Olivia's protectiveness that made her feel so happy in that moment, but she would have been content to look at Olivia like that all night.

"No, I think I'm ok, Detective. Actually, I should get going anyway," Alex said as she rose from the barstool. Both Olivia and Lauren had reached out to help her, and she was confused in that moment, as Olivia cupped her arm and elbow and helped ease her out of the stool. She stood to face Lauren, still feeling Olivia's presence closely behind her.

"Thanks again, for the drink, and the company. It was nice to talk to you."

"Don't mention it. You have my number if you want to do it again," Lauren said with a flirty smile. Alex had to admit, she would be a great catch: beautiful, smart, and idealistic.

"Thanks. I'll keep that in mind," Alex smiled and turned to walk out of the club, but Olivia was directly in her way, and was wearing one hell of a determined look on her face. Her blonde dancing partner suddenly reappeared and placed her hands on Olivia's pectorals, above her breasts. After a minute of whispering, they broke apart.

"I'm gonna get out of here." Olivia shouted over the music.

"Ok baby. I'll see you soon?" She placed a soft kiss on the detective's lips. Olivia never directly answered that question, and the woman knew that she wouldn't. She had turned to walk away before Olivia would have been able to answer at all.

"Everything OK?" Alex asked, watching the exchange between the two women interestingly.

"Of course. I just want to make sure you get home OK. I'll get you a cab."

Remembering what had happened the last time they left a bar together in a cab, Alex smiled. They turned and walked together, as Olivia opened the door for Alex to exit into the night before her.

"Actually, I only live a couple blocks from here," Alex commented as she passed Olivia out the front door.

"Jesus Alex. You moved back to New York to live in _The Village_?!" Olivia couldn't suppress a chuckle. After all, Olivia had always known Alex to live in the ritziest parts of Manhattan, and even though the Village was expensive, she didn't expect Alex to live there. But she had to admit, something about Alex was best suited to live in The Village.

"Yeah. And I don't appreciate the attitude," Alex gave Olivia a smile and a light shove on the arm. "I just know what I want now. WITSEC taught me so much about myself, and I'm going to make my life how I want it."

"Well yeah, no problem. At least let me walk you home. I just want to make sure you get there alright." Thoughts of O'Malley's and Alex being shot usually arose in Olivia's mind in situations like this, so she thought it would be best to walk with her.

With that, both women began walking. Alex asking about Olivia's 'date' consumed the eight-block walk.

"It wasn't a date, Alex."

"Well, she had to be someone special to get you to dress like _that_."

"What does that mean?" There was a small amount of hurt in Olivia's voice that Alex didn't expect to hear.

"Oh, Liv, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. But, you just never wore clothes like that before. Nothing wrong with it—I actually think you look great, I just didn't expect you to be wearing that." She hoped her explanation had covered the original snotty remark.

"Yeah. Some things have changed Alex. Didn't know I had to run things by you right when you came back, to let you know what's different and what's not. Not everyone has to go into Witness Protection to figure out things about themselves." The hurt was evident. Alex had done a number on Olivia when she left—Alex knew that for sure, however, she didn't expect the coldness and harsh reality of her words, especially after how protective she had acted in the club.

"And, her name is Hope. We come out on some Saturdays when I can get away from the precinct. She likes to dance. She bought me the outfit." Olivia's answers had become very matter-of-fact as they reached the entrance to Alex's complex. As the attorney reached for her keys in her pocket, she heard the soft padding of Olivia's suede boots walking away from her, toward the street. She loosened her skinny tie, put her hair in a ponytail, and stepped off of the curb to hail a cab. As she opened the door, she leaned against the side of the cab and yelled over to Alex.

"Just wanted to make sure you got home ok."

And with that, Olivia was gone.

"See you Monday," Alex sighed, half-heartedly, knowing that Olivia couldn't hear her. She lifted the electronic badge out of her pocket, scanned into the complex and made her way to the elevators, ignoring the doorman. Once she reached her penthouse and had locked the door behind her, she slumped down on the couch, thinking that it was a good enough place to sleep for tonight.

She felt utterly depressed. She knew that she had spoken out of turn, and had hurt Olivia once again. She thought back to her relationship with Olivia before leaving for WITSEC. They were friends—best friends. But, they were more than that, and they both knew it. They never admitted those feelings, but they flirted constantly, stealing glances at one another in court, in the precinct, and in interrogation. Except for that one drunken night, nothing had ever come of anything. Back then, Alex was too afraid to be outed by anyone. But now, she had realized that there wasn't anything she wouldn't do for Olivia.

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Olivia rattled her address of to the cabbie and relaxed down into the back seat. She loosened the tie that Hope had bought her the day before and unbuttoned the top 3 buttons of her white shirt. She didn't really care about dressing like this, but Hope liked it, and Olivia wanted to make her smile. She knew it was a mistake to get involved with Hope. She was married, and was significantly younger than the detective, but it was a guilty pleasure that made Olivia feel young again. After seeing how she looked in the reflection of the glass in the bar, she had to agree with Hope—she actually looked pretty sexy.

Olivia climbed the flights of stairs to her apartment. She threw her keys down on the table and continued into her bedroom. _'What was up with Alex? Why did she go to the club that night? Was she interested in Lauren?' _All of these thoughts crept into Olivia's mind as she threw her body, face first, down into the bed. She hadn't bothered undressing, and just removed her shoes, tie, and pants. She pulled the covers up over her back and snuggled into the bed. She let out a long sigh and started to relax when she heard her phone buzz.

_U looked SEXY 2nite! Wish I could've seen it all._

She picked up her phone to respond to Hope.

_Thanks. That dress you had on worked wonders for me, too. Goodnight, beautiful._

It was a rule—whenever one of them said goodnight, the conversation was immediately over. Olivia couldn't have her phone waking her up in the middle of the night if it wasn't work related, and Hope didn't want her husband to be suspicious of her phone buzzing at all hours. Olivia knew it was a messed up 'relationship,' but she kept herself sane by telling herself that nothing really happens when they get together. They dance, they kiss, and they occasionally rendezvous in the bathroom—all completely shallow and meaningless. Knowing she wouldn't get a response from Hope, she plugged her phone into the charger and placed it on her nightstand. She rolled over onto her side and was immediately surprised by her phone vibrating.

_Olivia—_

_Did you get home ok?_

_I'm sorry if I made you upset tonight. That wasn't my intention._

_It's been so long since we've been around each other. I guess I just forgot how our playful banter used to be. I know that things can't be immediately the same and I can't just pick up where I left off. _

_If you don't want to text me back, it's no problem. I will see you on Monday. _

_Alex_

Olivia always thought it was funny when Alex put a signature on the bottom of her text messages. She thought for a while, but then decided to respond.

_I know who you are—you don't have to put your name at the bottom. _

_It's whatever. _

_See you Monday._

With that, she rolled over and put her phone back on the charger. She knew it had been a cold response, but that is what she needed to do now that Alex was back. She knew that she wanted the attorney—she always had. And it seemed as though Alex was warming up to her again, but Olivia could _not_ have that. She would not, and could not enter into any kind of relationship with Alex Cabot, friendly or otherwise. She refused to be hurt like that again—couldn't be hurt like that again. Their relationship would never be the same as it was, or anything more serious for that matter: Olivia knew that was just asking for a painful letdown. Olivia wasn't even sure if Alex felt the same way she did, and even if she did, if Alex wasn't comfortable being an out lesbian, it would just be hurtful in an entirely different way. Olivia decided that she must never let herself be as vulnerable to Alex as she was that night. She closed her eyes and tried to stop the thoughts of the blonde attorney that permeated her brain.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**Work**

Monday came and went. Olivia and Elliot spent most of the day going blind on paperwork, while Much and Fin were working on a case they caught over the weekend. Olivia checked her watch-6:22. There hadn't been any big developments in any cases and almost all of the DD5's were completed when she heard the familiar clacking of heels on the hard floor of the 1-6. At that moment, Olivia realized that she hadn't told Elliot that Cabot was back, but she didn't think he would have a reaction either way—they weren't the best of friends when she left. Olivia often thought that the only reason she let Elliot in on her WITSEC secret was because he was there when she was shot. They had conflicting personalities, to say the least.

Elliot glanced up at Alex and then looked directly at Olivia, waiting for a reaction.

"What?" Olivia asked Elliot this question with attitude in her voice. Elliot took enough of this from his teenage kids, so he knew exactly how to handle it.

"Nothing," Elliot shifted in his chair and smirked annoyingly at Olivia, as his eyes narrowed. "Did you know about that?" He nodded his head towards Cabot, who walked into Cragen's office and took a seat in the chair across from his desk.

"Well I came in to work out on Saturday and she was here, so yeah I guess I knew."

Elliot sat back in his chair and studied his partner. He knew how she felt about Alex. After all, it was Elliot that she came to when Alex left. He had spent many sleepless nights with Olivia: talking, drinking, or just sitting together. He had never really figured out that relationship. He knew that Olivia and Alex were friends, but he also knew that Olivia had it bad for Alex. The entire squad at the 1-6 took bets that Olivia not only helped Alex get into a cab after they left a bar one night, but also helped the attorney into her own bed. When Elliot got around to asking about that encounter a year or so later, his partner looked down at the floor and smiled. He knew then that he was right: Olivia loved Alex. It wasn't just a typical Olivia Benson relationship. Elliot knew that she would have waited for Alex to feel comfortable with whatever kind of relationship they would have and Olivia would give anything for her—Elliot saw that and was not happy with how Alex left.

The attorney, however, Elliot wasn't sure about. There were rumors that she had dated women in the past, but Elliot always thought that she was involved with some of the male ADA's, and he knew for a fact that she had been out at least once with Trevor Langan. His questioning mind was quieted after the night at the bar, when Elliot knew that Alex had a hard time resisting Olivia-who didn't? Maybe it was just something that happened one time. There was no way for Elliot to know, but at the moment, he understood Olivia's cold response concerning Alex, and he didn't blame her one bit.

"Thanks for telling me partner," Elliot said with a smirk. He knew that she didn't deliberately omit this information, but laughed at her reaction.

"Sorry El." Olivia dropped her pen on the stack of papers on her desk and ran her hand over her forehead, losing the attitude. "I was totally surprised—especially after I saw her out last night too."

"Hm. How wa-"

"Don't, El." Olivia's eyes were pleading. "Nothing happened. I was out with Hope, we were in The Village, Alex walked in. That's it."

"So she saw…wait… you were out with Hope? I thought you stopped that, Liv? Seriously, I don't mean to harp on you about her but do you really think that's a good idea?"

"Yes, you _do_ mean to harp on me. And no, I know it's a horrible idea—I'm not stupid. She's unstable, she's married, and she's way too young. I know Elliot, I know." Olivia paused and took a breath. "It's just easy," she said with a sigh, as she sank back into her chair and put her arms over her head, bending her elbows and resting the palms of her intertwined hands on the top of her head.

"What's easy?" A familiar voice rang out from behind Olivia. As Alex walked up behind the detective, Elliot made quick eye contact with his partner.

"Nothing. If only life were perfect, huh Counselor? Then _everything_ would be easy." Elliot was usually great at jumping into conversations and changing the subject without anyone noticing, however, Alex Cabot _always _noticed. Elliot flashed her a shit eating grin and winked at her, effectively dismissing her from the conversation.

"Ok detective. I guess what you and your partner talk about is privileged. I was just leaving anyway. See you later." And with that, she turned on her stilettos and exited the squad room.

Elliot focused back on the conversation about Olivia and Hope. "Liv, seriously, how old is she? 25,26?"

Olivia barely heard Elliot as she watched Alex walk past Munch and Fin's desks, and march decidedly out of the squad room. She was wearing a charcoal grey suit and a light blue button up shirt tucked into her pants. The brunette detective focused her eyes on Alex's platinum hair, then her shoulders, her defined yet slender back, her swaying ass, and then her eyes fell on her favorite part of Alex: those legs. They were sky high, and her calves flexed and stretched as she walked out of the squad room. Her black heels could be heard all the way down the hall, when Olivia's eyes finally snapped back to Elliot.

"What?! Who? Jesus, Elliot. She's old enough to know what she's doing. God! Let it go." She leaned forward out of her chair, picked up the blue pen and continued working on her papers.

Elliot relaxed back in his chair. He knew to drop it.

Ten minutes later, Olivia's chime of her computer meant that she had an email. It was rare that the detectives received emails, unless their contacts would rather communicate that way, but with most of their cases dealing with very sensitive material, most people preferred to speak directly with the detectives. Cragen would email every one once in a while to make sure all of their licenses and certifications were still updated, and to reach out and ask if anyone needed help with anything. Knowing that Cragen was talking on the phone in his office, and she didn't have any victims emailing her currently, she was curious to see who the email was from. She looked back at her computer and opened her inbox.

_Olivia,_

_I don't mean to be presumptuous, but I was wondering if we could grab dinner. We used to in the past, so I didn't know if it would be a big deal or not. I know you're still in the precinct and I'm getting pretty hungry. Didn't know if you were going to come back and work some more or not, but it might be nice to get a break and get something proper for dinner. _

_Also, I think we should probably talk. I know the way I left when I went to WITSEC wasn't the greatest, but it was something that I had to do and I can't help the way that you're feeling (I'm not insinuating that I know how you feel) having me back around SVU. If you don't want to, it's no big deal, but I thought that maybe it might be easier for the both of us to work together if we got whatever it was out in the open. Again, if you don't want to, or can't because of your caseload, just let me know. _

_Alexandra K. Cabot_

_ADA 16__th__ Precinct_

_Special Victims Unit_

_(646) 555-3928_

_Cabot.A _

The email signature was so familiar. Years ago, just seeing that signature made Olivia smile because it meant that the wonderfully sexy ADA had emailed her about something, anything at all. But now, Olivia wasn't sure how to respond. As she clicked 'reply,' her hands hovered over the keys of her keyboard, tapping the keys without actually typing them. So many words got caught in her head. She typed words and then deleted them, before beginning to type again.

She was confused—she had wanted to apologize to Alex for being standoffish to her after the club the other night, but at the same time, she didn't want to see her more than she needed to. Every time Alex entered the squad room, Olivia couldn't help but look. Not only did she look, but she stared. She knew that she still loved Alex in her heart, but in her head she couldn't allow those types of feelings anymore. Olivia understood that being away from Alex was probably the best thing she could do for herself at the moment. Her hands began typing:

_Alex,_

_Thanks for the invitation. I understand why you left—you had just been shot, and your life was in danger. You can't think that I'm mad about that. It was just hard to adjust actually knowing that you were out there somewhere, alive, and that I couldn't speak to you. _

Olivia paused. Not knowing how to continue, she leaned back in her chair and looked at her partner. Elbow deep in paperwork, he looked up and smiled at her. She thought about the long nights after Alex left that she would knock on his door in Queens, just needing a shoulder to cry on. Elliot would invite her in, give her some coffee, and put his arm around her like a brother, wiping her tears and understanding her concerns. Although she hadn't ever explicitly said anything regarding how she felt about Alex, it seemed like Elliot knew what she was going through. Remembering that hurt, and knowing that she wouldn't be able to handle being out alone with Alex, she finished the email.

_To be honest, I'm not really sure how to respond. I agree, and think that we probably should talk, but I don't think it's a good idea right now. I'm sorry-I'm just not ready for that. If this interferes with our working relationship, just let me know—but I don't see this being a problem. _

_PS-I want to apologize about the other night. I didn't expect you to ask questions that I didn't know how to answer myself. I'm sorry and I didn't mean to snap at you. You just caught me off guard. When we talk, you can ask whatever you want. _

_Olivia Benson_

_Special Victims Unit_

_Benson.O _

Olivia hit the send button and put her face in her hands. She rubbed her eyes and sighed out loud.

"I think I'm gonna go. It's getting late—aren't you going home?" She knew, at that moment, that Kathy was probably home making dinner and assuming that Elliot, again, wouldn't be home early enough to eat with his family.

Elliot stood up, smiled, and grabbed his jacket, just as Captain Cragen bustled in to the room, flanked by Fin and Munch.

"Olivia! I've got a favor to ask," Cragen said as he looked at Olivia and Elliot.

"Damn. Two minutes earlier and we would have been home free," Elliot whispered to Olivia as they returned their coats to the rack and walked back to their desks. Somehow, they knew it would be a long night. Kathy and the kids would have to eat without Elliot after all.

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Hours later, Alex read the email response in her office. It had been a long day and she had taken off her suit jacket, kicked her heels off, and placed her stocking feet up on her desk. She leaned back in her chair and reread the email, looking for any deeper meaning.

She wasn't surprised at Olivia's response—Alex knew she couldn't just come back and expect things to be the same as they were when she left, but that didn't mean she couldn't hope. She sighed and looked at the clock on her computer—it was 7:15. Alex resigned to sleeping on the couch in her office that night, because she knew she had enough work to keep her busy until at least midnight. She passed the next 3 hours searching case law, sending emails to Casey about their cases, and watching trial footage from the past 2 days. Although she was tired, she had a weird feeling about the precinct, and she needed to take a walk anyway. She quickly changed into her Harvard sweatpants and a t-shirt and slipped on her sneakers, climbing the two flights of stairs up to the 16th precinct.

The squad room was abuzz. Cragen was quickly handing papers to Fin, who was typing furiously on his computer, entering information into a criminal database. Munch was on the phone with the lab, asking about information on 'the suspect.' There were 3 or 4 uniformed officers who Cragen was dismissing, thanking them for their help, saying that if he needed any more information, he would call. The Technical Assistance Response Unit was searching through files on an unknown laptop and there were 2 more officers just hanging around running errands assigned by Fin and Munch.

"I know, but we have him here now! We can't just hold him for more than 24 hours without any hard evidence—I need your help ASAP," Munch was yelling into the phone. Cragen noticed the ADA standing in the doorway, taking in the scene.

"Alex, I'm glad you're here. I need you in interrogation, if you have time. Sorry, I would have called, but I didn't know you were here," and with that, he opened the door and stepped into the room connected to interrogation.

Alex followed suit and closed the door behind her. She could hear Olivia speaking to the suspect, but when she looked through the one-way glass her ears turned off. It seemed as if all of her senses understood that her eyes needed all of the attention. She could neither hear Olivia speaking nor smell the stale coffee aroma that usually circulated throughout the small room; her mouth ran dry and she dropped the pencil she was holding. Every single part of Alex Cabot was fixated on Olivia. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she heard Cragen speaking, but she did not make out his words.

Olivia was leaning far over the table, as she normally did, but it was what she was wearing that had the ADA practically drooling. As Olivia straightened up and walked around the room, she got a better view. The detective was wearing a bright red dress tied at the base of her neck, with her breasts pushed up and almost out of the deep V cut, showing a glimpse of an ivory lace bra underneath. Her hips swayed as she walked circles around the table where a man was seated. The dress was cut so high and tight on her thighs that Alex could see why Olivia didn't want to sit down. She was wearing 3" shiny, black heels that made her calves look spectacular, as she paced back and forth, still speaking to the suspect. Her hair was perfectly styled, as her bangs fell into her eyes. She was wearing thick mascara, eyeliner, and more makeup than anyone had ever seen on her, however, she still looked stunning.

"ALEX!"

Suddenly, Alex realized that she had probably been staring at the detective, and thereby not hearing anything Cragen had been saying, for a good two minutes.

"Sorry, Captain. I was just thinking," Alex said. "What…?" Alex motioned to Olivia and looked at the Captain. She waved her hand back and forth between Olivia and Cragen. "Why…?" Her voice trailed off.

"Munch and Fin have a perp who likes working girls. We thought we could catch him at it without sending someone on a sting, but each time he got away or didn't come around when we were watching. Fin thought Olivia could do it, and it's not like she hasn't done it before. So, she went home, found something" he watched his words here, as to not offend Olivia, or women in general "slinky, tight, and…revealing."

"Wow. Good thinking-sorry, I'm just surprised. So the suspect—he's been, what? Beating up prostitutes?"

"Alex, we know rape is hard to prove with working girls, but there still has to be consent. He's raping them and we like him for a murder of one this past weekend."

"Ok. We will check into—wait." Her face fell as she looked back to Olivia. She noticed a busted knuckle on her left hand and a bruising forehead, above and through her eyebrow. There were 4 small, grouped bruises on her upper thigh, tracing up into her dress. Alex knew that these were indicative of digging fingers. She could feel her blood beginning to boil, and flush her chest and face. "Don, are you serious? Murder? Did you purposefully put her into danger? Look at her!"

"Alex, she is fine. She was safe and covered the entire time. She knew what she was getting into and was able to defend herself and subdue the suspect. She's been evaluated and all is fine. Elliot conducted the first half of the interview, and she is just finishing up. Honestly, we couldn't have done it without her."

As he said that, Olivia entered the room, shutting the door to the interrogation room quietly, and moving somewhat slowly.

"You look comfy," she chuckled and motioned a circle between herself and Alex with her hand. "This is usually the other way around."

"You're funny. If I ever look like _that, _detective, tell me not to enter judge's chambers that day." They both smiled, Alex intriguingly, and Olivia half-heartedly. "All joking aside, are you ok?" Alex resisted the urge to caress Olivia's forehead, kiss her forehead, and tend to her cuts and bruises.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just glad we got the guy. But, I _am_ extremely uncomfortable—this dress is 2 sizes too small. I'm gonna go change...that ok Cap?"

"Yeah, Elliot can take it from here."

Shortly after, Elliot entered and continued the interrogation. Cragen dismissed Cabot, telling her that they would have their information for her in the morning. As she was walking out of the precinct, she saw Olivia walking back to her desk, dress and heels in hand. She looked much more like the Olivia she remembered—she was wearing blue jeans, a grey t-shirt and her favorite pair of black gym shoes, which now had to be at least 10 years old.

"Hey you should really wear stuff like that the next time you're in the Village—people would be lined up around the block." Alex blurted this out without even thinking, motioning to the red dress.

"You're hilarious," Olivia said with a straight face. "I wouldn't be caught dead in this crap. Plus, it's too small, anyways."

"Where'd you even get it?"

Olivia's eyes darted around the room, not making eye contact with Alex. "From a friend."

"Ok. Well, this," she motioned with a nod of her head "is much more _you_ anyway." She paused for a few moments and looked at Olivia. The detective sat down in her chair and put her head in her hands. She looked like she was hurting, but Alex knew she would never admit it. Alex walked into the locker area and opened the first aid cabinet. She located an instant ice pack and pulled up a chair next to Olivia's desk. She popped the circle inside the bag and shook it to make it instantly cool. She placed a hand on Olivia's upper back, putting the ice bag in her other hand and pressing it gently to the detective's forehead. "That looks bad."

"Well, it doesn't feel great, but I think I'll be ok." She placed her hand over the ice bag as Alex removed hers. Their hands brushed by each other, but neither was thinking about touching the other currently—Alex was too concerned about Olivia's injuries, and Olivia just wanted her headache to go away. There was no tension here, and it felt like they were old friends, as if WITSEC had never separated them.

"Detective Benson?" As voice came from the entry door of the precinct, Olivia raised her hand without looking up, as a younger, blonde man dressed in a lab coat approached Olivia's desk.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Simmons. Do you remember me from earlier?" Alex exchanged a confused look with Olivia and back to the doctor.

"Yeah, you gave me a concussion test and told me to take it easy," Olivia said with an exasperated sigh. She hated being treated like a victim.

"Exactly right. Now, about that test—I think you should probably be observed tonight because you may have a mild concussion." As the doctor said this, Olivia rolled her eyes and scoffed.

"I'm fine! You told me I looked ok and I was good to go! What the hell?" Alex could tell that Olivia's temper was boiling, and she probably just wanted to get home.

"I know, detective Benson, but I've been thinking a little more about your responses and there were a couple answers that you gave that are troubling me a bit, so I wanted to come over here and speak with you. I think you are fine, but I want to take all of the necessary precautions so that you are back as soon as possible."

"Alright, fine. I'll stay here in the crib and have someone come wake me up every so often."

"Well, I think it might be better if you go to your own home and make yourself comfortable. Your body needs good, quality rest, and I doubt you can get it here."

"Ugh. Fine. I will go home. I'll call…" she thought about Hope. There was no way she would be able to call her at almost 1AM. Her husband would definitely know something was up—he didn't even know his wife had any friends, much less any friends that she was close enough with to spend the night together. She started speaking again. "I'll call someone…" Her voice trailed off, growing quieter in thought.

Alex didn't want to impose, but this time seemed as good as ever to jump in. "I'll help you, Olivia. Let's get you home." With a wave of her hand, she got up from her chair and smiled at the doctor. He and Alex discussed concussion protocols and anything Alex needed to do while she was with Olivia. She notified Cragen and Elliot, as well as the other detectives and called for a cab. Alex knew Olivia didn't want any help, but she still offered to carry Olivia's bag, to which Olivia declined.

The cab pulled up just as they were exiting the building and Olivia opened the door and scooted across the back seat. Alex got in the cab, shut the door, and started speaking to the driver.

"122 West 4-," Alex felt a hand on her knee.

"Nope. Sorry. We're going to 589 South Broadway in Williamsburg," Olivia interrupted, and then readied herself for the questions that she knew would be coming.

"No problem," said the cabbie as he pulled away from the precinct.

"Williamsburg? You moved to Brooklyn? Are you becoming a hipster, detective?" Alex asked these questions with an amused grin.

"Long story short: I grew up in Brooklyn, I wanted to move back," Olivia said evasively.

"And long story long…?" Alex asked.

"Better saved for another day," Olivia said as she slid down into the back seat. She was feeling tired, and immediately had an overwhelming need to sleep. She rested her head onto the window with the ice pack in between the window and her forehead. She felt a light pat on her shoulder and looked back at Alex. She opened her arm and motioned to Olivia to lay back. She complied, mostly because she was too tired to protest, and relaxed her head into the crook between Alex's shoulder and head.

She dropped her arm onto Alex's lap with the ice pack in her hand—it was obvious that she was too tired to hold the ice onto her forehead. Alex took the ice pack from Olivia's hand and held it in place on the detective's forehead. For a moment, Alex felt very peaceful. Although she knew she was in love with this woman, and would give anything to tell Olivia, she was just happy to be caring for her. They seemed to be back to being friendly, at least at the moment. Olivia had let her guard down and was receptive to Alex's touch, letting the attorney care for her.

Olivia felt the cab jerk and opened her eyes. She smelled a familiar fragrance of Alex's perfume and realized that she was nuzzled into Alex's neck, with the attorney holding an ice pack to her throbbing head, her other arm holding Olivia around her back and shoulder. The cabbie was nice enough to get out and open the door for Olivia—she knew she must really look like hell. Alex took care of the fare and searched in Olivia's bag for her keys. They started into the complex and walked to the elevators.

"No more fifth floor walk up?" Alex laughed.

"Nah. I mean, I guess we could take the stairs if you want," Olivia chuckled as the elevator doors began to close.

The doors opened on the 4th floor and Olivia made her way down the familiar hallway. She made a left at the end of the foyer and she inserted her keys into the only door at the end of the hallway. They both walked in and Alex took in the sight of Olivia's new apartment. It was uniquely Olivia—minimalist design, with only one or two pictures of Olivia. Alex was surprised to see that of the two photos, one was Olivia and her mother, and the other was a picture taken by Elliot of Olivia and Alex at the bar for Olivia's 40th birthday. They were both laughing and smiling at each other, with their arms around one another's hips. Alex had never seen this picture before, but it warmed her heart.

Olivia was already walking down her long hallway when she started stripping her clothes off. Alex wasn't sure if she could handle seeing the woman who she had been fantasizing about stripping in front of her eyes, but she forced herself to remember that Olivia was feeling horrible, and just needed some help. Olivia removed her t-shirt to reveal a neon coral sports bra, dropping the shirt behind her in the hall. Alex followed her and picked it up, finally placing it in the hamper in Olivia's bedroom when they reached the threshold.

Olivia removed her jeans—they were so loose that she didn't even unbutton them, she just tugged a little to get them over her hips and they fell to the floor. Alex picked up the jeans and folded them neatly onto the bed. She couldn't help but see the size 6 tag peeking out from the waistband. She only ever remembered Olivia wearing a size 8, and now these 6's were too big. She thought back to earlier in the week when she saw Olivia for the first time in 3 years, and knew she was right—Olivia had lost weight, and had been working out like crazy. She was lost in thought when she heard Olivia mumbling.

"Thanks," Olivia sighed as she pulled on a pair of shorts and climbed into bed. "You can sleep in here if you want, or on the couch, or wherever you want. See you when you wake me up." The offer to sleep in bed with Olivia sent a shot to her heart, but she knew that Olivia didn't mean it _that _way, and was just trying to be polite before she fell asleep.

Alex knew it was paining Olivia to even speak, and her voice grew lower still as she sank into the bed. Alex chuckled. Even when she was in a bad mood, she was still startlingly cute. It was 2AM and Alex knew she would have to wake Olivia every 2 hours or so. Respectfully, Alex took a blanket and pillow out to the couch and came back in to say goodnight to Olivia.

"It's no problem. I'll be on the couch, but I'll come see you in a few hours." She placed a light hand on Olivia's forehead and caressed softly with her thumb.

"Goodnight Alex."

"Goodnight Olivia."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

**Setback**

Alex rolled over on the couch and glanced at the clock—4:15. _'Shit'_ she thought. She was 15 minutes late to wake Olivia. After Olivia fell asleep, she had collapsed into the charcoal grey microfiber couch and fell asleep easily, with thoughts of taking care of the beautiful brunette detective swirling in her dreams.

She grabbed her glasses from the table and stood up. She walked down the long hallway into Olivia's bedroom and sat on the bed next to the sleeping detective. She spent a minute looking over the sleeping beauty. Olivia looked so peaceful, but so injured—her first knuckle on her left hand was split open, and the bruise on her forehead ran from her hairline through her eyebrow and into her closed eyelid. The bruise was almost black, radiating brown and yellow hues from the center. She didn't look at the bruises on her upper thigh, but could only guess that they were just as bad as the one on her head.

Alex studied the detective for a few more minutes. She was the same Olivia she had left years ago, but there was something different about her: she was harder, colder, and somewhat less interested in everything than she was before. It was nice in the taxi hours before, and Alex knew that it felt like old times. She could only hope that things would remain that way. Softly, she shook Olivia's shoulder.

"Olivia…Olivia wake up sweetie." She knew that calling Olivia 'sweetie' was probably too much, but she didn't know what else to say. She wouldn't dare call her 'Liv,' again, like she used to, but she wanted to be comforting.

Olivia stirred and opened her eyes, then quickly squinted at the pain over her eye. She moved her hand to cover her head, but Alex stopped it.

"Hey, I'll get you some ice if you need it—just don't touch. You've got a pretty big bruise," Alex said.

"No, it's ok—I'll just go back to sleep. After you ask me some questions, I assume?"

"You're right detective," Alex said with a smile. "Dr. Simmons said to ask you some simple questions that you should know the answers to, so here we go." She thought for a second and then chuckled. "But, I guess I'll need to know the answers too to make sure that you answer them correctly." She laughed and then paused to think.

"Ok. Who is your partner at work?"

"Elliot Stabler."

"Good. Ok. Umm…What's your middle name?"

"Rosaline."

"Perfect. Last one. What's 5x5?"

"25."

Alex smiled. "You seem fine to me. Is there anything you need? Do you want some Advil or ice? A heating pad? Water?"

Olivia closed her eyes and moved her head a little. "I'm ok. Thanks though. You didn't have to do this Alex."

_'What was this I'm seeing? Empathy? Fondness?' _Alex thought before she answered.

"It's no problem. I just wanted to make sure you're ok."

"I'm fine. See you in a few hours." Alex's smile faded slowly, but she knew this wasn't the time to try to wiggle her way back into Olivia's life. The detective was hurt, and that was Alex's first priority.

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6:15. This time, Alex woke up on time and walked into Olivia's room. She was tired, but she knew that Olivia needed her, and it felt good for Alex to take care of someone—it was very cathartic, she thought. She stepped into the doorway and knocked twice lightly, instead of saying something stupid like 'sweetie' again.

"Olivia. I'm sorry, but I have to wake you up again. Are you feeling ok?"

"My head is killing me. I have some Advil in the bathroom—would you mind?"

"Not at all. I'll be right back. Try to stay awake so we can talk for a second."

Alex walked into the adjoining bathroom. It was immaculate. Decorated completely with white subway tile lined with black grout, Olivia's bathroom was beautiful. Alex could tell that the detective's apartment probably cost much more than the old one, and she was happy that Olivia was finally thinking about herself for a change. She saw a large whirlpool tub, a separate shower stall closed by transparent black glass, and a toilet with an adjoining sink. The bathroom dripped with style, but Alex only saw a few personal effects: Olivia's toothbrush and toothpaste, a bar of facial soap and one washcloth. She quickly fantasized about seeing Olivia through that black glass, showering in this room, but she realized why she was in there and immediately located the medicine cabinet above the toilet.

She opened the door and, by judging the rest of her bathroom, Alex was not surprised that the cabinet was extremely bare. She instantly saw the Advil bottle, but was distracted by something else—the only other object in the cabinet.

On the second shelf, there was a small bottle of some sort of fragrance. It was a dark brown bottle and had a long, tag-like sticker attached to it. Alex didn't want to be nosy, but she knew it would only take a second to read. Long, flowery handwriting adorned the sticker and Alex couldn't help herself.

_Now you can think of me when you put this on, baby._

There was a small heart drawn at the end of the sticker. A pang of jealousy hit Alex, but she couldn't help herself. She grabbed the bottle and smelled. It was the exact scent Olivia was wearing the other night at the club. _'Two guesses who this is from,'_ Alex thought. She returned the bottle and tried to remember that Olivia was injured and _she _was the one taking care of her—not the young blonde. This eased her jealousy and anger quite a bit. She was focused on Olivia. The scent she loved so much at the club now smelled awful, as if Alex never wanted to smell it again.

"Got it. Do you have water?" She called to Olivia while she was walking back to the bed.

"Yeah," Olivia croaked. She didn't sound great, but insisted that she was fine. "Proceed with the questions, counselor," she said with a small smile, as she swallowed the Advil Alex handed her and drank some water.

"Ok. I'm trying to think. It's been so long since we've actually talked. I don't know anything about this new Olivia," Alex chuckled.

"Nothing new."

"Ok. What's your favorite color?"

"Yellow."

"Really? I didn't know that."

"Alex, really? You're supposed to be asking me questions that you know the answer to."

"Right. Ok. Oh, I remember one! Who is your celebrity crush? Or, if it's changed, who was it circa 2002?"

"Charlize Theron."

"Glad I'm still right. When I was in WITSEC, I went to this theater and they played 'Monster' every year as part of a Serial Killers marathon around Halloween, and I always thought of you when I saw it," Alex admitted. "Well, not because of the killers and stuff, but because of her." Before Olivia could say a word, Alex continued. "Anyway, one more question—what color dress were you wearing earlier tonight?"

"Red."

"Ok, detective Benson, you seem ok to me so far. I'll see you in 2 more hours." She turned to leave the room and was surprised by Olivia's voice.

"Hey," she paused until Alex turned around and faced her. "Thank you."

"Olivia, it's no problem."

"Yeah it is, but ok. Thanks for taking care of me. You better start thinking of three more questions for next time." And with a chuckle, Olivia settled back into her bed.

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At 9:45, Alex woke up from the couch and immediately looked at her watch. She knew she was late waking up Olivia, but she didn't know _how_ late. As she made her way back to the bedroom, she smelled the aroma of dark coffee, and turned back towards the kitchen. She saw Olivia sitting at the small table, one hand on her head, and one around her large coffee mug. Alex recognized the cup as a gift Elliot had given her when he made fun of her for only having 1 coffee mug at home. It was black, with the NYPD logo laser etched in silver—the cup could hold almost 20 ounces and Alex remembered Olivia filling it almost full every morning in the squad room years ago.

"Hey…you're up," Alex said as she stretched her arms over her head. "Are you feeling ok?"

"Yeah. My hand hurts, but other than that I'm fine. Thanks for your help. Sorry you had to sleep on the couch."

As Alex moved closer to the table, she saw Olivia in the sunlight that drenched the apartment. Her face looked horrible—she was able to see the bruises on Olivia's upper thigh, as she was wearing short running shorts and a small tshirt. Alex couldn't help noticing how strikingly strong and beautiful her body seemed, but was taken aback by how abused she looked.

"Oh Olivia—are you sure you are feeling ok? You look…" her eyes traced the black and purple bruise on her forehead and into her eye. She watched the hand that gripped the coffee cup and the split knuckle wrapped around the handle. She examined down her body to the 4 small bruises on her leg. Since early this morning, they had all meshed together and made one long, slender bruise along the front of her leg.

"I know," Olivia said with a shake of her head. "If you want some coffee, there's some in the pot—I'm gonna try to get a shower."

Olivia began walking, or as Alex noticed, limping, to the back bedroom. The light sound of the drizzling shower began, and Alex knew she probably shouldn't suggest it, but it just came out.

"Hey Olivia. Not to be weird—and I know that things are still," she thought for a moment before continuing, "different between us." Olivia looked at her with a questioning look. "But, I know you're hurting, so if you need help, just let me know."

"Oh. Ok. I think I'll be O—oww." Olivia was trying to remove her shirt, but brushed her open knuckle against the fabric under her shirt, snagging a piece of open skin on a loose hole in the shirt. "Damn."

Without asking for permission, Alex approached Olivia and helped free her hand from beneath the shirt. There was blood all over the shirt and the back of her hand. Olivia turned with her back to Alex, and crossed her arms in front of her breasts.

"Olivia, you should really have that stitched."

"I will. I just want to get a shower first. Thanks for your help," Olivia said as she shut the bathroom door with her back. Alex stood at the door, thinking. She loved Olivia, and used to have a hard time resisting her, but now that she was around the detective more, she was sublimely happy to be around her—no matter how she was feeling or how, or if, their relationship would develop. But, Olivia seemed more standoffish. The encounter in the club was the friendliest the detective had been, and even that wasn't normal for Olivia.

Alex walked back into the kitchen and poured herself a cup of coffee. She began to drink and sat at the table. She looked around Olivia's new apartment—she smelled fresh paint, new hardwood, and cleaning products. She new that the detective liked to keep her apartment clean, but it seemed almost as if Olivia never even lived here, which she knew could be true because of all of the work Olivia does at the precinct.

She had a large TV mounted to the wall in the living room area, and three large, black bookshelves full of all kinds of literature. Alex always admired how well read Olivia was, but she never knew where that love of literature came from. She got up from the table and slowly examined the books. Among them she found classics, fiction, historical accounts, and, of course, NYPD handbooks, case files, and guides. She pulled out the only book with a bookmark in it to see what the brunette was currently reading. She flipped open "East of Eden," and noticed a blue pen underline on the page.

_"I believe a strong woman may be stronger than a man, particularly if she happens to have love in her heart. I guess a loving woman is indestructible."_

Alex smiled at this. This gave her hope that, although Olivia was distant, she was still the same Olivia that Alex left so long ago. Lost in the thought, she didn't hear Olivia the first time she called. She called for her again.

"Alex? Sorry. Can you come help me?"

Alex placed her coffee cup down on the table and walked into Olivia's bedroom. The sight almost melted her into a liquid puddle on the floor. The detective was standing facing Alex with a tight sports bra covering her breasts, and a pair of jeans pulled up around her hips, black lace boy short underwear peeking through the opened zipper.

"Sorry—I can't button these pants and I need help with a shirt, if you don't mind."

"No problem." Alex reached for the short sleeve NYPD shirt Olivia had laid out on the bed and stretched the neck hole over Olivia's head. She gingerly helped the detective pull her arm through the armholes and pulled the t-shirt over her abs. The back of Alex's hand brushed against Olivia's abdomen, eliciting a small 'sorry' from the attorney. Alex hadn't noticed before, but there was an outline of a six-pack in Olivia's abs and it was evident that Olivia was much stronger than when Alex left. She slowly reached down and pulled the zipper up on Olivia's jeans, and had enough room to button them without any problem.

"You really should buy some smaller pants. You've lost some weight."

"Actually, numbers-wise, I've _gained _weight. But yes, I've lost some inches."

"Well…you look good," Alex said as she pulled the shirt over the closure of Olivia's pants. They were so close that it was hard for Alex to pull away from Olivia, until she smelled it—the scent in Olivia's bathroom-the same one that she smelled in the club. A twinge of jealousy hit Alex in the stomach, but she moved backwards and told Olivia that they should probably go see Dr. Simmons to get her hand stitched. Olivia agreed, and looked for a change of clothes to give Alex.

"You still a 2?" Olivia asked from her closet.

"Yeah."

"Well, I've got small 4's and a belt. I think that's the best I can do for you."

Alex laughed. "That'll work." She changed and they headed out of the apartment.

"I've been meaning to tell you, your apartment is really nice. It seems very…you."

They both entered the elevator and started the descent into the lobby. "Thanks—I wish I spent more time here, but that's the nature of the beast…and, I just moved here so I haven't been able to sit down and enjoy it." Alex looked at Olivia longingly, understanding exactly what she meant. They exited the elevator and hailed a cab to Dr. Simmons office.

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"Ok detective, looks like you're good to go," Dr. Simmons said as he finished wrapping up her hand.

"Thanks—sorry about last night. I know I probably wasn't very receptive to your care."

"No problem. You were obviously receptive to someone's care, so that's all that matters. You seem much more put together today," he nodded his head towards Alex, who was sitting in an adjacent chair averting her eyes—she didn't have a strong stomach for watching anything as medically invasive as stitches.

"Oh," Olivia said, "Yeah, she stayed at my apartment and followed all of your instructions."

_'Wow. Cold response,'_ Alex thought.

"Well, good," Dr. Simmons said. "I'll let you get ready to go. The nurse will be in in a few minutes—I prescribed you some antibiotics. Make sure you keep this wrapped, keep it clean, and the stitches will dissolve." He turned and closed the door behind him, as Olivia nodded in agreement with his instructions.

Olivia's phone buzzed on the table between them, but she didn't notice. Alex turned to look at the phone and saw a new message.

_Liv r u ok? Haven't heard from u. Thinking of u. xoxo._

Alex knew exactly who it was, without knowing her name. She knew that the monosyllabic abbreviations could only be coming from one source. She had never felt this type of jealousy before, and unfortunately it came out in full force.

"Your girlfriend texted you," she said coldly as she passed the phone to Olivia.

An irritated Olivia turned to Alex. Her eyes narrowed and her lips parted. Alex was semi-nervous as to what would come out of the detective mouth. "What?" Olivia bit the word out towards the attorney.

Alex passed her the phone without looking at her and Olivia read the message from Hope. As she responded, she spoke slowly, typing as she was speaking, "she's not my girlfriend…not that you have the right to know anything about my personal life," Olivia fumed.

_I'm fine. Long night—long story. A little injured, but I'm fine. Tell you about it later._

Alex responded, her eyes meeting Olivia's. "No, not your girlfriend. You just wear whatever she tells you to wear, go with her wherever she wants, and make out with her in public. I'm sure that was her dress you were wearing last night too, huh? But _nooo_, she's _not _your girlfriend…right? Because if she were your girlfriend, I'm sure _she_ could have come over last night and helped you…if it wasn't past her curfew that is—how old is she, anyways?"

"Excuse me?! You have no right to talk to me like that. Things aren't the same between us Alex. You were back in New York for _three months_ before you even acknowledged that I still lived in this goddamn city too. Don't act like you want to be friends—or whatever—again. You know _nothing_." Olivia's eyes burned with pain, and when she stopped speaking, her jaw clenched.

"I saw you, Alex, in Alphabet City, before you came into the precinct—_that_ hurt. This?" Olivia motioned to her head and hand, "this is nothing. You didn't even tell me you were back in New York and now you want to act like you want to be friends again just like that," Olivia snapped her fingers with her uninjured right hand, "No way." She pointed at Alex, "fuck that."

She grabbed her phone and keys and stormed out of the room. She met the nurse in the hallway for the antibiotics, quickly thanked her, and was out of Alex's sight. Alex apologized to the doctor and nurse, and continued out into the street. She knew she had blown it. She had lost her cool, and now, after all of the effort she had tried to put in already, she had set herself way back. Alex hailed a cab and immediately gave Olivia's apartment address, thinking that the detective would be going back home.

She arrived at the modest building in Brooklyn and was buzzed into the lobby. She quickly got into the elevator and rose to the fourth floor, down the hallway and to apartment 44B. She was upset—mostly at herself, but she calmed herself down enough to knock politely on the grey steel door.

"Olivia," Alex tried to sound calm, comforting. "Olivia please open the door."

Alex heard nothing. No shuffling of feet, no TV, no shower running. She knocked once again to make sure the detective really wasn't there. She studied the slate grey door, with large, white numbers, 44B. She took out her phone from the jeans Olivia had let her borrow that morning.

_Where are you? You're hurt and should be resting. _

_Olivia I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have said that. I overreacted._

_I really think we should talk—that's part of this problem._

She locked her phone and put it back in the left pocket of the jeans. She didn't know where to go, but figured she would go back to her apartment and try to make things right. She was walking slowly out of the apartment building when her phone buzzed.

_I'm fine. _

_Pretty sure talking is what got us into this. Bye._

Alex went home and sat down on the couch. She stared into the distance and finally decided to take a shower and a nap. All she could think about was Olivia, and she hoped that whoever that woman—girl was_—_was taking good care of her.

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Olivia immediately left the doctor's office and went down into the subway. She was furious, but for some reason, she knew that taking the subway might relax her. She rarely took the subway because she and her partner always had a squad car, but it reminded her of being a kid, and she thought it might ease her mind. She should have gone straight back home and locked herself in her apartment—she knew Alex had probably been there, but she knew she needed to go to the precinct.

The subway rested at her stop and Olivia exited and climbed the stairs onto the street. She walked into the 1-6; it was completely deserted. The past two weeks had been rough, and mostly everyone had wrapped up their cases. Someone had to be catching, but they probably decided to stay home and keep their phone on them in case they got a call. Olivia enjoyed the solidarity of working on her cases alone.

For the next few hours, she finished up every single detail on her recently closed cases. She could honestly say that she had all of the lose ends tied up, and didn't have much else to do. This was a rare occasion, but Olivia enjoyed being on top of her work.

The texts from Alex infuriated Olivia. The detective knew that being involved with Hope was a bad idea, but she wasn't in love with her. It was a guilty pleasure for, if nothing else, sex. It was nice to feel wanted, and almost worshipped by a younger woman, but Olivia knew that it had to stop. She took out her phone and texted Hope.

_Hey. Thanks for your concern this morning. I was in a sting operation last night and got a little banged up, but I'm fine. Was wondering if we could meet tonight somewhere low-key? I'd like to talk to you over dinner._

Given that she had already started one tough conversation, she thought she might as well start another one. She awoke her computer and opened her inbox. She had 2 new messages—one spam message from a local sporting goods store and one from a victim's mother. The email thanked her for the work she and Elliot had done catching her daughter's rapist a few weeks earlier. She quickly responded with courtesy and respect, thanking the mother and daughter for their help and cooperation. She sent the email and then immediately clicked the compose button and began typing, before all of her courage ran out.

_Alex,_

_This isn't easy for me to say, but given this morning's conversation, I feel like it needs to be said. I don't want to "talk" with you, and I'd rather not see you right now. Let me explain:_

_When you left for WITSEC, I thought about our relationship. We were friends, but I always thought there was something more there—whether you felt it or not, I always did. I know there was one night when I, unadvisedly, acted on those feelings, but nothing more ever came of it. However, I still harbored those feelings, so when you left for WITSEC it was pretty hard on me. I'm not sending this so you feel bad for me, or anything, but I just feel like you should know._

_When I was out in Alphabet City and saw you walk by the bar, I was upset. Maybe I looked into our friendship too much, but I thought you would at least tell me when you got back to the city, or even the state. So when I saw you out at the club, I tried to be nice. When you took care of me last night, I appreciated it. But, this morning I don't understand what happened. We can't get started in this again—there were too many feelings involved last time, and I don't want that to happen again._

_I understand that we have to work together—that's fine. I have never let anything come between a victim and myself. But, we can't be friends._

_I'm sorry._

_Olivia Benson_

_Special Victims Unit_

_Benson.O _

She hit send. Olivia understood that the email was open, vulnerable, and at the same time, cold. She finally got it all out in the open, but immediately shut down any further contact—which is what she needed to do. She knew she didn't want to, but in her head, she knew that's what had to be done. Her phone buzzed on her desk. She had almost forgotten that she texted Hope a few minutes before.

_Sure! Are u sure ur ok? John has to work swing shift tonight, so I'm free after 7—everything ok? Where do u wanna go?_

Olivia responded quickly. It was already 5:30 and she would have to go home and change.

_I'm fine. Just want to talk. Feeling Thai? Brooklyn?_

Hope immediately responded.

_Sounds good. New place in Williamsburg, Northside? See you then. Xoxo_

At that moment, Olivia was happy that Hope had no idea that she had moved. That restaurant was way too close to her apartment, and she was hoping that later that night would be the last time she would see Hope. Olivia knew she had feelings for Hope, but she also knew that the young blonde was there to fill a void—in all of the years that Olivia was trying to better herself, she had never admitted to herself that she was, in fact, just filling an empty hole with meaningless relationships. She was ready.

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By 8:30 Olivia felt like the worst person alive. She had just left the Thai restaurant, without eating much. She looked into the young blonde's eyes and told her, truthfully, that she didn't think this relationship was a good idea. Hope's eyes filled with tears and she had reached for Olivia's hand. The detective wouldn't deny that tears hadn't filled her eyes as well, but it was an easier conversation than she had thought it might have been.

Olivia was emotionally exhausted and just wanted to go to bed. She opened the door to her apartment and made her way to her bed. She disrobed and put on some pajamas, and placed her phone on her nightstand. She carefully unwrapped her hand, cleaned around the stitched wound and rewrapped her hand for the night. She sank into her bed as her phone buzzed.

_I understand. I'm sorry for being so emotional. U are a wonderful person. I'm gonna talk to John & figure out whats goin on with us. I'm sorry, but I hope one day we can b friends._

This message made Olivia feel better, even though she knew that she had broken Hope's heart. She unlocked her phone to respond.

_That would be nice. Again, I'm sorry, but I just think it's best for both of us. This relationship was just not healthy for you or me. Good luck with John._

Olivia rolled over and felt a surge of relief in her chest. She had known for a long time that this needed to happen, but she didn't expect it to be so seamless. Quickly, her thoughts turned to Alex. She so badly wanted to run to her, and hold her and have everything be perfect between them, but at the same time she didn't ever want to see her again. Olivia knew she couldn't go through that pain again, and didn't even want to subject herself to being open to Alex a second time.

She set her alarm for 5:50AM. This would give her enough time to get up and run a little. She would have to forego her normal 5 mile route, still being cautioned to rest, but it would give her enough time to come home, shower, and get her coffee before work. She set her phone on her nightstand and drifted off to sleep, thinking about Alex, and how she would react to the email the next day.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: WOW!** Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, favorited, and followed this story. Especially thank you to svuroho, BabouTunt, lizzy43, and bellatisha, among many others! You all have inspired me to stay with this story and see it through.

Please, I am open to suggestions, thoughts, and comments about the story, as it has been a real gift for me to write it. I promise there will be some AO action soon enough! :)

**Chapter 7**

**Time**

Alex arrived at her office early the next morning and opened her email. She slowly read the message from Olivia. An overwhelming sadness came over her when she read that the detective didn't want to even be friends with her, but was shocked that Olivia actually admitted to having feelings for her in the past. Whether she still did or not though, was undetermined.

She understood what Olivia was saying. In all the time in WITSEC, Alex tried her hardest to forget Olivia, and not seeing her every day made that much easier, although Alex never fully forgot the stunningly beautiful detective. Tears formed in her eyes and as she blinked, one solitary tear fell onto her black pants. She quickly shook her head and wiped the streak from her cheek. She knew, now, that there would never be anything between her and Olivia. She carefully considered her response, and then replied.

_Detective,_

_I understand. Been there._

_Just for the record—I felt it too. Feel better, and take care of that hand. _

_If I need anything on a case, I can go to Elliot—don't want to make it uncomfortable._

_Alexandra K. Cabot_

_ADA 16__th__ Precinct_

_Special Victims Unit_

_(646) 555-3928_

_Cabot.A _

The massive pile of paperwork in front of her seemed insurmountable, especially after this blow to her heart. But, it was just like Alex to dive into work and disregard her personal life, so that's just what she would try to do.

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The next couple of weeks flew by for Olivia. She and Elliot were closing cases left and right, and, unfortunately, it seemed like the summer brought the rapists/child molesters/murderers out in full force. They didn't know what it was, but it seemed like July was always their busiest time. With Munch and Fin helping, SVU was catching all of the breaks in their cases, closing almost all of the open cases they had, and with a high conviction rate at that: Casey had been working her ass off to ensure that all of the rapists, child molesters, and generally dangerous people were locked behind bars. Alex sat second chair for most of the proceedings, still getting used to being back in the land of the criminally insane.

For Olivia, the busy nature of the past few weeks was good—it took her mind off of Alex. She had been thinking about the attorney more and more, although she didn't see much of her. The few times they had seen each other, it was strictly business: Cabot was asking for information on a perp, or Olivia and Elliot were asking for a search warrant. She saw her in court when she needed to testify, but was relieved to see that Casey was sitting first chair, and she wouldn't have to speak directly to Alex, although she seemed to be a distraction for the detective when she was on the stand. One time in particular, Casey had asked Olivia a series of questions involving the defendant storing videos of him raping multiple women.

"And, Detective Benson, did you find these tapes in the defendant's apartment?" The redhead approached the detective, who was seated to the left of Judge Donnelly.

"Yes, we did." As she answered, she noticed a small movement behind Casey.

"Where were they located?"

Olivia's eyes watched the movement as Casey asked this question. The brown eyes strayed over to the prosecutorial table, noticing Alex adjusting her jacket, the top two buttons on her burgundy dress shirt separating for a sheer second, revealing a navy blue bra before she pulled the lapels of her jacket closer together. She was probably cold.

"Detective?" Casey was standing in front of Olivia, her eyes wide and her patience short.

"I'm sorry counselor, we found the tapes in the defendant's breasts." Immediately, her face fell, and she reopened her mouth. "I MEAN, chests. He had many chests—3 or 4 in his bedroom, full of recordings of him raping many different women." The detective paused for a second and cleared her throat before loudly repeating, "CHESTS."

Immediately, Alex's head snapped toward Olivia. She looked at the brunette and began to smile, lowering her head to look at her hands in her lap. It was no secret that she was blushing.

Casey rolled her tongue in her mouth to stop her from laughing. "Ok detective. Thank you."

Casey asked a few more questions and eventually dismissed Olivia. After court let out for that day, she profusely apologized to Casey.

"It's not a problem, Olivia. Honestly, it's an open and shut case. But, it was hilarious. I think Donnelly even laughed. As a friend, though, I've gotta tell you—you need to get some action."

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Olivia never went to see the attorney alone anymore. Rumors were flying about Alex and Olivia's relationship—or lack thereof. Elliot was asking almost every day what was up with them, and every time, Olivia gave the same answer: nothing.

She had told Elliot everything from the argument in the doctor's office, to Hope, to the email to Cabot. He understood—Olivia was always grateful for his support, and there wasn't anything she couldn't tell him. He had been a continually supportive partner and friend, even though their viewpoints about some things didn't quite match up. Ten years ago, when she finally came out and told Elliot she was a lesbian, he wasn't very receptive, but he loved Olivia, and came around to be very supportive, much like the rest of the squad.

The partners were driving along West 23rd street, looking for a suspect. Elliot started the conversation very slowly, but eventually built it up to what he was really wondering.

"So, do you love her?"

"Who?" Olivia asked this question, thinking she knew exactly what he would say.

"Hope," Elliot said with a questioning look.

Olivia chuckled. She wasn't expecting that. She hadn't seen Hope since the dinner when Olivia broke things off. "No," Olivia said. "No, I don't love her. She was nice to be with, but now I'm almost embarrassed about that relationship. There was just so much wrong there."

"Yeah," Elliot agreed. "Just tell me one thing—how old was she actually?"

"You know, I honestly don't know, but I once referenced Paula Abdul and she asked if I meant the American Idol judge. I seriously don't think she knew that she was a singer in the 80's. She also didn't seem to know much about anything that happened before 1995. So, I always just put her at 27. She seemed 27," Olivia's voice trailed off. "Or, 27 was easier for me to accept because she could be termed 'late 20's.'"

"But, she wasn't 27, Liv!" Elliot chuckled. He knew it was ok to laugh at her. With the way she talked about Hope, Elliot knew she was over it. This wasn't what he wanted the conversation to be about anyway.

Olivia laughed aloud whole-heartedly. Elliot hadn't heard her laugh like that in a while. "Yeah," she groaned. "There's no way in hell she was 27…probably closer to 23. She once talked about graduating from college and I'm pretty sure it was within the past 2 years, so there's that."

They both laughed for a while, and Olivia noticed how easy it was. She felt like something heavy was coming from her partner, though. She knew Elliot always liked to ease into difficult conversations with humor, and she was ready when Elliot finished laughing and drank his coffee, placed the cup back down in the holder, and put the car in park. They were staking out an apartment complex, but for now, they had time to kill.

"Well, I just figured there was something up. I know how you act when you're in love, and even worse, when you're denying that you're in love," Elliot said. "I just assumed that, since you and Hope broke things off, that might be why you're acting a little…hurt."

Olivia didn't know how to respond. "What do you mean hurt? I'm fine El."

"I know, I know Liv," Elliot responded with a smile. "I just know that since Cabot's back, it must make things weird for you two."

"I've told you—nothing happened between us before she left."

"So you're telling me that you guys didn't fuck? Not once?"

She didn't expect Elliot to be that direct with her, but she smirked unknowingly. She looked out the window of the passenger side and thought about her response.

"Maybe." She smiled at the memory, and Elliot knew she was in deep, even if she wanted to deny it with him, and to herself.

"That's what I thought." He paused, unsure of whether to continue or not. "After she left, I know you were upset. We spent a lot of time together. I think I knew that you loved her then…do you now?"

"No." Olivia answered quickly and directly, with a downward shake of her head. She started to look down at her hands, tracing the healed pink scar on her left middle knuckle. "I can't open myself up to that. It's still difficult when I see her Elliot. I can't allow that to happen," Olivia said as her voice broke.

"No problem," Elliot patted her knee and smiled; Elliot's careful eyes connected with Olivia's tearful brown ones, and they both managed a smile. They focused back on the apartment building and watched for the next few hours. The conversation quickly turned to Kathy, Dickie's soccer team, and catching the guy in the apartment complex.

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Four hours later back at the squad room, Olivia opened her computer and started to compose an email. The captain wasn't in his office, but he needed to be informed.

_Captain,_

_We couldn't find him—he didn't go in to the apartment, and he didn't come out. The good news is that he doesn't have anyone right now, but we are pretty certain that he killed Kara Paxson last year. We've been looking at the case file, and it seems legit._

_ Seems like his MO is abduction and escape. He takes young girls between 8 and 14-usually from troubled families who wouldn't necessarily notice them missing for a little while. He then travels…somewhere. We don't know where, but Fin is running his SSN and comparing them to land/leasing records all over the state and neighboring states. Hopefully that'll turn up something._

_Olivia Benson_

_Special Victims Unit_

_Benson.O _

They had been following Charles Carlson for a few weeks on suspicion of rape and attempted murder, after a young woman came in and claimed that he kidnapped her, drugged her, and took her to a cabin upstate three years ago. Unfortunately, the police didn't have any leads for him, and he was released for lack of evidence, however Olivia and Elliot knew better. They had a feeling. He was a substitute teacher and each of the missing girls was, at one time, his student.

Immediately Olivia's computer made a dinging sound, signaling a new email.

_Thanks detective. I'm over at a meeting at 1PP. Let's keep a tail on him and make sure he doesn't pick up a girl. Let me know what Fin finds on the records. Make sure Cabot knows the details—Novak's got too much on her plate. See you in a bit._

_Donald W. Cragen_

_Captain-Special Victims Unit_

_Cragen.D _

Olivia sat back and looked at Fin across the squad room.

"Find anything yet?" Olivia asked as she put her hands on her head and sighed.

"Maybe something, but I'll keep looking to verify. Got a house up in Rochester in his ex-wife's name. We'll figure it out Liv."

The last line of Cragen's email rang in Olivia's head. _Make sure Cabot knows the details._ She didn't want to go down to the ADA's office, but Elliot was catching some sleep in the crib, Fin was researching land records in Rochester, and Munch was with Cragen at 1PP. She knew she would eventually have to own up and go see Alex.

In the past five weeks since Olivia had sent that email, she had seen Alex about once a week, unless she saw her in court; she would come into the squad room periodically, checking on the progression of each of their cases and speaking with Cragen. Each time, Olivia couldn't help but watch the attorney walk out of the squad room, her pants or skirt hugging the curve of her hips and her backside. Olivia got lost in watching the attorney's slender body as she left the room—she could admit, at least to herself, that she was still attracted to the ADA, but she knew she couldn't let feelings develop again. She never spoke to her, but instead sent Elliot for whatever they needed. But it looked like today she would have to go by herself.

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The ADA was relaxed in her large leather chair with a binder open on her desk, her elbows resting on the open pages. She held her head in her hands, resting her right hand on her forehead, taking off her glasses with her left. She had worked through most of her caseload and was going to spend the next day interviewing witnesses, prepping for her case the next week with Casey Novak.

It was hard for her to stay away from the 1-6, and even more, from the brunette detective. She had visited a few times to check on the cases and speak to Cragen, and each time Olivia said nothing. She watched the detective working while she was talking to Cragen, and she even caught herself staring before she would leave the squad room. Olivia's courtroom faux pas a few weeks ago was good for a laugh, but Alex understood that it didn't mean anything was different, especially given the detective's attitude as of late.

It was obvious to Alex that Olivia wanted nothing to do with her, and that was hard. But, Alex loved her job, and loved helping victims, so she tried to put her feelings aside so that if Olivia ever came to her with something she needed for a case, Alex could help. More recently though, it was always Elliot coming and asking for warrants—he sympathetically looked at her when she would make small talk with him. Alex knew that Olivia was intentionally avoiding her, and asking her partner to come down and request things so that Olivia didn't have to. It was upsetting for Alex: she knew that, at one point, Olivia had feelings for her, and Alex had feelings for the detective now, but she knew they wouldn't be reciprocated, especially after how the detective was acting towards her now.

That's why Alex was surprised to hear a soft knock on her open door—she knew only Olivia knocked on an open door. Alex looked up from her highlighted documents to see the brunette detective standing in the doorway. She looked absolutely stunning: she wore a tight, hip-hugging pair of dark blue denim jeans with a long sleeve white V-neck shirt. The fabric of the shirt was made to be so sheer that the lawyer could see through it, to the black camisole she was wearing underneath it. The detective's bare collarbone was protruding from the deep cut of the shirt, her olive skin showing through. She wore a necklace with a small pendant on it, but not the one Alex had given her so many years ago. This pendant Alex recognized as a small gold square with writing inscribed on it in another language, but Alex wasn't ever close enough to read it. Olivia was leaning on her forearm in the doorway when Alex said the first word to the detective.

"Hi." It was a soft, timid welcome. Alex was lost in the moment: she was convinced that the detective's body had never looked more fuckable. Her hipbone stuck out from under the fabric as the detective leaned on her forearm above her head. Alex imagined walking over to the detective and placing her hand on the bare bit of flesh, delicately tracing lower and lower on the detective's body with her fingers. But, she quickly snapped out of it, not wanting to ruin anything before it even started. She cleared her throat and began to speak.

"Detective Benson…what can I do for you?" The ADA was extremely nervous, but tried to speak through her shaking voice, hoping Olivia wouldn't notice. The detective stepped into her office and stood behind a chair, pacing slowly as she explained.

"Hey." She paused and flashed a small, closemouthed smile, just as Alex did, almost as if she felt sympathetic towards Alex. The attorney hoped that she was looking at her just as she had looked at Olivia moments before, but then she started speaking.

"I just came down to keep you informed of a developing situation. We're following a guy, Charles Carlson. He's suspected of a rape and attempted murder from a few years ago, but he's been in the wind since then. We found him holed up in Queens and have been tailing him since last Wednesday. He has displayed erratic behavior in the past few days and we are worried he may take another girl. There has been a girl missing from the tri-state area that we are trying to link to him." Olivia paused as she went from cop mode to colleague mode. "He's just a bad guy, and I know he's good for this."

Alex took a minute to think over the information. "Ok, I believe you. Do we have any evidence linking him to this missing girl?"

"Besides the girl who said he took her and did horrible things to her, no, not really. But there are too many coincidences. He lived less than a mile from the school where she was taken—the same school that the complaining witness attended when she was taken. He was a substitute teacher during the same time when these girls went missing."

"Alright, detective. What do you need from me?"

"Nothing. Captain just wanted me to keep you updated, in case we have to jump."

Alex nodded her head in understanding. "Makes sense. If you need me, you know how to reach me." It was hard for Alex to be so direct with Olivia, but she knew that's how she needed to act around the detective.

Olivia looked up at the ADA and their eyes connected. Neither could deny that there was still some attraction, but as hard as Olivia was trying to deny any friendship, Alex didn't want to say anything, but rather, let Olivia take charge.

"Yeah, thanks." The brunette detective said as she waved and left the room.

Olivia couldn't deny the feeling—seeing Alex, and actually speaking to her, for the first time in a few weeks made her completely elated, but she didn't want the ADA to notice. A smile crept onto her lips as she walked back to the precinct. She reached her desk and Elliot gave her a questioning look. He immediately knew the look—she had seen Alex, and he would remember to bring this up later.

Olivia sat down in her chair and took out her phone. She thought it was probably a bad idea, but texted anyways.

_Hey. Sorry that was so matter-of-fact. Thanks for giving me some space. It was nice to see you._

A short minute later, her phone buzzed on her desk.

_No problem. It was nice to see you too._

Olivia sat back in her chair. Although she was still wildly attracted to Alex, she felt a little better having some contact with her, but she knew that they could never be anything more than friends—which was more than what she was open to a few weeks ago.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

**Travel**

The rest of the week went by quickly. Alex had poured herself into open cases with Casey, and all of the detectives were working their asses off trying to catch up with their own cases, as well as still trying to track Carlson. Alex had thought about the suspect, but hadn't heard anything since Tuesday when Olivia entered her office. So, on Friday night when Olivia Benson knocked and entered Alex's office, the ADA was surprised to see her.

"Detective. What can I do for you?" She immediately noticed Olivia's businesslike attitude.

"I need a warrant. We've got him. He took that girl from the Upper East Side. Our tracking detail lost him for a few hours. CSU found the car he used to pick her up and all of the fibers match, his DNA is in the car, and there's blood in the back."

"Ok—so what are you asking for a warrant to search? Seems like you have already searched the car…" Olivia understood that tone. "And why am I just now hearing about this?"

"It was an abandoned car, Alex. There was a bloodstain on the bumper and in the backseat. The search was in good faith." Alex could hear the strain and defensiveness in Olivia's voice. "This all just happened today. Mom came in again and was on us because her daughter is still missing-she has history with the suspect. She was a student in one of the classes he is subbing for right now while the teacher is on maternity leave. Mom has had complaints already to the school board for inappropriate comments to the daughter. We have information that he will take the girl out of the city—far out. Possibly to his residence outside Rochester."

"Rochester!?" Alex belted out. "You expect me, at 9pm, to knock on a judge's door and get a warrant for a house that's 5 hours away that may or may not contain a crazy kidnapper and his victim? Where is your proof, detective?"

Olivia had always hated the way that Alex said 'detective' like that—it always sounded so degrading. But, Olivia answered. "We have already contacted the local police and they are willing to cooperate, but they need our info, and our resources. I'm going either way, and I thought that since the original crime was perpetrated under our jurisdiction, it would be easiest if I already had a warrant for the residence when I got there…counselor." It was tough for Olivia to not sneer or curl her lip exactly like the way Alex did when she said 'detective' in that tone. "If you can't get me a warrant, it's whatever. We are planning to pursue the suspect anyway, but it would be stupid to have to turn around without even checking anything while we are there!"

Alex sat back in her chair and thought. She knew that Olivia was getting frustrated, and with every minute that passed, Carlson was probably driving further and further away from the city. She knew the detectives would never come to her and ask for a warrant if they didn't honestly believe that something good would come of it. Alex was sure Olivia was right, but how was she going to prove that to a judge?

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An hour later, Olivia's phone buzzed on the desk.

_You owe me. When are you guys leaving? Donnelley is demanding that I come with—to make sure things go by the book. _

Olivia stared at her phone. With mixed feelings of daze and shock, she didn't know how to respond.

_Wow. Thanks. Don't think that's a good idea. Suspect is armed and unstable. Leaving ASAP. Girl is probably in trouble already._

"El. Wake up. We got it." She pushed him on the shoulder and his chair leaned back a little further. "Elliot. Get up."

Cragen walked into the squad room with purpose. He nodded towards Olivia. "Wake him up—Cabot's got the warrant." Knowing this information already, Olivia tried harder to wake her partner.

"Yes sir. Elliot, wake up," she patted her partner again on the chest. "Elliot. Don't make me say it…" He leaned back a little further, letting out what sounded like a snore and a sigh put together. He flapped his hand at his partner, who was obviously scrounging up the courage to say what she had threatened.

"Richard Elliot Stabler!"

With this, Elliot snapped up out of his chair and glared at Olivia.

"I told you I'd do it. I knew it would get you up…Cabot's got a warrant. Let's go."

"Yes, let's," came a voice. Alexandra Cabot was standing in the entrance of Cragen's office, clad in jeans and a black jacket.

"Not a good idea," Olivia and Elliot said together as they grabbed their weapons, badges, and crisis bags, complete with their bulletproof vests and walked right by her.

"Not your call, guys," Cragen commented, walking out of his office, and throwing Olivia a pair of keys. "The four of us are going. You and Cabot in one squad car, and Stabler and I in the other—both Cabot and I need to be briefed about this case, so you both can do that on the ride. The more detail you two can give, the better. We are really trusting you two on this." He leaned down into the supplies in his office desk. "Alex, what size are you? Small?"

Alex blushed and laughed a little. "Actually, yes, captain. Why?" But before he could answer, she was carrying a heavy vest. She understood now why Olivia was so persistent about getting that warrant—this was obviously a dangerous situation. The four of them hustled downstairs, splitting into separate cars.

"Meet you there. Be careful," Elliot said. For some reason, the emphasis on _careful _forced Olivia to think that he had meant something other than with the case—something about being in the car with Alex. She squinted her eyes over the squad car and replied.

"Thanks El. You be careful too. I'll call you when we are 10 minutes out, and we'll convene with the local PD."

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Olivia took both vests and her service weapon, along with the assault weapon they had to carry, and put them in the trunk. She walked around to the driver's side and got into the squad car. Before she put the keys in the ignition, however, she looked at Alex with a very serious look on her face.

"Ok, I've wanted to keep this quiet, so just don't say anything. Cragen and Elliot know, but no one else." Alex had no idea what she was talking about, but hoped it had something to do with a long overdue confession of love for Alex. It didn't.

Alex watched as Olivia reached down into the center console and pulled out a black leather case. She grabbed a hair tie and pulled her brunette locks out of her face in a loose, short ponytail and slipped the glasses onto her face. Alex had never seen anything sexier. Olivia noticed the investigative look on her face.

"I misidentified a suspect a few months ago and Cragen made me get my eyes checked. I'm ok except for when I drive at night. I guess that comes with old age."

The words were caught in Alex's throat, and when she spoke, only pure desire escaped her lips. "Oh, please. You are not old."

"Easy for you to say. I'm much older than you."

"Not much. I was born in '75, detective."

"Wow. That makes me feel great. Anyways, I know how old you are, counselor."

With that comment, and the start of the engine, Alex leaned back and put on her seatbelt. She decided not to push the subject very far, so she just readied herself for the long ride to Rochester.

"Anyway, by '75, I was already in the second grade. Nice try," the detective said, casually, as they pulled out of the parking garage.

Alex didn't hear her. Olivia was a vision: her loose side bangs swept softly over the glasses, beside her ear, and fell onto her cheek. The tortoise color of the frames was a beautiful contrast to Olivia's skin, and the larger frames looked wonderful on her face. Alex was surprised to see the detective wearing glasses, but was happy that she did. Her right hand gripped the top of the steering wheel while her left hand was resting in her lap. Alex could still see the faint outline of the stitched skin from weeks before.

Olivia settled back into the driver's seat and handed Alex her iPhone.

"Here—you can play DJ."

Alex quickly navigated to Olivia's music, remembering the type of music the detective used to listen to—a mix of 70's and 80's rock, folk, and Olivia's guilty pleasure, hip hop and R&B. She saw that Olivia's music collection would last them about 4 hours, so she just decided to choose the shuffle option, and listen along-eventually they would hear every song anyway.

Olivia warned Alex to be very cautious and to stand behind her, Elliot, or Cragen the entire time when they were in Rochester. She wasn't exactly sure what they would encounter, but she knew it might be dangerous. Olivia wouldn't admit it out loud, but she was terrified when Alex was shot before she went into WITSEC, and she didn't want it to happen again.

Alex couldn't help laughing at some of the songs that came through the stereo on the ride. Olivia's taste in music hadn't necessarily changed, but Alex never expected her to listen to this much rap and R&B.

"Sorry," Olivia said, as she noticed that Alex was amused by her musical tastes. "I've been really into R&B lately. If you don't like it, you can just skip them."

"Oh, no it's fine. I just think it's funny—I don't remember you listening to a lot of this before."

Alex laid Olivia's phone on her lap, allowing the music to flow freely through the shuffled playlist. A minute later, she felt a vibration and looked down at the phone. On the locked display, she saw a notification for one new message from Hope McNamara. Remembering the last time she mentioned a message from her, she politely told Olivia.

"Hey you have a text."

Olivia wondered who it could be from—the only people that ever texted her were travelling either with her, or in the car in front.

"No texting and driving in New York, counselor. Who's it from?"

Alex leveled her voice, trying to remove all emotion. She was still insanely jealous of the young blonde, and had no idea if they were still seeing each other, but the rift she caused between Alex and Olivia earlier wasn't the greatest. "Hope McNamara."

"Oh, that's weird. What's it say, if you don't mind?" Olivia asked.

Alex unlocked the phone and opened the message, reading to Olivia.

"She wants to know what you've been up to." Alex scrolled up and read a message from seven weeks ago. She guessed that they weren't seeing each other anymore, judging from how long it had been since they texted each other. Seems like Olivia had broken it off.

"Working." Alex typed and sent the message, exactly as Olivia had said. Alex noticed the twitch in Olivia's eye and flexing of her jaw. She could tell that this woman had either hurt her, or was annoying her.

A minute later Hope texted back, and Alex read. "She says that her and John are working things out and she just wanted to thank you."

"Yeah, I figured that's where this was going. Just text her back and say 'no problem. Hope things work out.'"

Alex did as she asked and immediately started the conversation, with certain vulnerability in her voice.

"Hey…I just wanted to say sorry. I know I apologized for the incident in the doctor's office before, but I really just wanted to tell you in person. I overreacted and thought I could just jump in where I left off, and I'm sorry that I did that. It was presumptuous of me."

"It's ok. You don't have to apologize. You helped me see something that I wasn't addressing—you and Elliot. That whole thing was a bad decision." Olivia seemed to be opening up. Alex wasn't sure what made her do this, but she was happy and eager to hear more.

"So, is this the woman you were with at the club when I saw you?" Alex asked, almost knowing the answer.

"Yeah. She liked to dance."

"How'd you meet her?"

"Well, we've got a drive ahead of us, so I guess we'll have to talk about something," Olivia smiled and started speaking. "She actually came into the squad room as a witness to a hit and run that ended up being connected to a rape. Elliot interviewed her, but she was very flirtatious with me when I escorted her in and out. She touched my hand as she was describing what she saw and kept eyeing my gun…I knew she was a badge bunny." Olivia shook her head and looked out the driver's window before continuing.

"She wrote her number on my notepad on my desk and I actually ended up texting the number because I wasn't sure whose it was." She chuckled a little bit at that part, but continued. "I knew she was young and I knew it was a bad idea, but it was easy—until I found out she was married—to a man."

Alex could feel her mouth fall open. Olivia was making horrible decisions, but she quickly shut her mouth so the detective could continue.

"So, that was a surprise, but she seemed really into me. I hated to think about that guy, but he worked all the time, so I sort of forgot about him. She didn't seem too concerned. It was fun while it lasted."

"Well," Alex started. "She seemed really into you at the club. Everyone has a guilty relationship Olivia—it's no big deal."

"Yeah. Well, that's it, pretty much," Olivia said. She adjusted her glasses and took her hair out of the ponytail, massaging her scalp. Alex couldn't take her eyes away from the detective. In that moment, she thought back to many years ago, and the night that she spent in Olivia's bed after they went out with the guys. Alex always wondered if Olivia had thought of that memory fondly, as Alex did, or with guilt. After all, Olivia was always hesitant with Alex because she thought the attorney was straight.

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The next two hours passed with little conversation. Alex wasn't sure if Olivia had backed off because she felt too vulnerable, or if she just didn't want to talk to Alex. The attorney turned her attention to the case.

"So, I know this guy is a substitute teacher—were both he and the girl reported absent from school today?"

Olivia turned her head and blinked her eyes quickly, as if being pulled from a trance. "Um yeah, both were missing today. We found the abandoned car with matching fibers from the girl's coat in the back, with a blood smudge on the back of the car. When he abducted Kara Paxson last year he took her out of her last period class, saying that she needed to see the principal. He led her to the parking lot, used chloroform to sedate her, and put her in his car. He then drove upstate and hid her away for 4 weeks, repeatedly raping and torturing her. Her body was found in the woods outside Essex County two months later. Carlson was suspected, but the police couldn't get any leads or matches for DNA or evidence. They let him go." Olivia's voice trailed off, as it normally did when she was feeling guilty, sad, or sorry for a victim.

"So, then, a few weeks ago, we had a girl, 17 years old, come into the precinct. She told me that when she was 14, her teacher took her from school and put her in a house away from the city. He raped her and left her in the house while he went out running errands. He told her that if she left, he would find her and kill her and her whole family. Understandably, she didn't leave, until one day she got up enough courage. He had left for the day and she was able to free herself from her lose rope restraints and leave the house. She limped to the main road and flagged down a truck driver. She refused to disclose any information to her parents, the state, the truck driver, or anyone else. Her mother wasn't around much, and she didn't have a father, so her mother was just happy that she was home. The police launched a small investigation, but were never able to find any information—the girl, Alicia, wouldn't cooperate for fear of retaliation."

Alex was listening closely, understanding all of the details Olivia was relaying. "So, you've been tailing him and you think he's taken another girl," Alex said.

Olivia nodded. "Yeah-I just really have a bad feeling about this guy. But I'm convinced that he has no idea we are onto him. I think he's taken two girls in the past 10 months. We haven't caught him yet, so I'm sure he thinks he is untouchable. Hopefully we surprise him this time."

Alex noticed the same determination in her voice that she had always had, and she couldn't help but notice how sexy the detective was. Alex definitely had it bad for Olivia, probably worse than before, but she was determined to keep the relationship professional, because she knew Olivia wanted that.

"We'll catch the bastard," Alex said. Olivia looked over at her and crossed her fingers, displaying them to the lawyer. Olivia couldn't help but notice that look in Alex's eyes—pure Ice Queen. The detective was always turned on by the lawyer, especially when she was revved up like she was tonight. At that moment, Olivia wished she hadn't sent that email to Alex. She wished she could reach over and touch the blonde's hand, caress her leg, and speak lovingly in her ear. But, she knew she couldn't do that, so she changed the subject.

"Alex, you'll have to be really careful tonight. I have a feeling that once this guy feels threatened, he will do whatever it takes to get out of the situation. Just stay behind Elliot or me when you get out of the car. He will take the lead on this, because we think Carlson has a thing for dealing with women. So, just stick by me."

With those words, Alex's heart melted. _'I'll stick by you, forever, wherever,'_ Alex thought. "Ok. I will."

"Good," Olivia said, "I don't want to relive O'Malleys."

Alex's heart sunk. She had thought about that night so many times. She remembered feeling Olivia's cold hand pressing into her shoulder, trying to stop the bleeding.

"Yeah, I never really said thanks for that," Alex said as she looked at Olivia, passionately meaning the words she had said, however Olivia's face hardened.

"Thanks!? Alex, you basically died on that sidewalk. The last thing you should be saying to me is thanks."

"No, Olivia. When I was out of surgery, the surgeon told me that I probably would have bled out if it weren't for your quick reactions. You," she paused, "and Elliot saved my life."

Olivia shifted in her seat, and readjusted her hold on the steering wheel. She didn't like thinking about that night, and rarely did. She adjusted her focus back on the road and changed the subject.

"So, are you still as fond of road trips as you were before?" Olivia smirked as she asked this question, knowing the answer.

Alex cleared her throat and worked through a strain in her voice, tears in her eyes from the previous conversation. _'How could Olivia think that she was responsible for me getting shot?'_

"Ha!" Alex laughed. "Right. But, being in WITSEC, I sort of had to get used to moving around. The real question, though, is, why couldn't we fly to Rochester?"

"Well, even if the NYPD had money for that, the next flight from JFK doesn't leave till tomorrow," Olivia glanced at her watch, "actually, today at 8AM. We just can't wait that long. I don't want to give him any more time than he already has to do anything to Kaley."

Alex understood. She looked out the window and relaxed for the next hour or so, until a familiar song made her turn towards Olivia. Alex had heard this song earlier that week, streaming through her Bluetooth speaker at her apartment. The detective was relaxed, mouthing and singing quietly along with the music.

"I actually like this song," Alex said as she watched Olivia's lips move to the music, wishing the detective was saying those words to her, and not just reciting the music.

_These lips can't wait to taste your skin/And these eyes can't wait to see your grin/Just let my love/Let my love adorn you..._

Olivia smiled and laughed, as she took a break from singing. "Yeah, it's a good one. I'm surprised you've heard it. It's fairly new." Olivia remembered the night at the bar so many years ago and distinctly remembered a song like this playing when Alex propositioned her. She smiled at the memory. "It's one of my favorites." Olivia continued singing softly, allowing the music to calm her, clearing her head, but she couldn't help the feeling that Alex was watching her.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9  
>Protect<strong>

Hours later, Olivia's phone rang in Alex's lap. The attorney must have dozed off, because the loud ringtone woke her. Seeing it was Elliot, she answered quickly, with a small yawn.

"Elliot, what's up?...Yeah, we just passed that sign…ok, we'll meet you there."

"Elliot wants us to meet him and Cragen at the gas station a mile up here on the left."

Olivia nodded in understanding. "Sounds good. You ready?" Olivia asked this question with a small hesitation.

"Yeah. I'm good."

Olivia pulled over into the gas station and spotted the other squad car. She got out and saw Elliot and Cragen pulling on their vests, and loading their weapons. She did the same, as Elliot exchanged a questioning look with her.

"What?"

"Oh. Nothing," Elliot said with a small smile. "How was the ride?"

"It was fine…" Olivia understood his questioning. "So, Captain, what's the plan?" Olivia asked as she took off her glasses and placed them back into the case. She knew that she would be running and probably couldn't wear them. Luckily, she had contacts with her. She started to put them in as Cragen moved them all into a close circle and began to explain at a small whisper.

"We've got a reliable source that says Carlson's cabin is up this road here," Cragen pointed. "I'd like for us to roll in there, no lights, and surprise him. The local officers are waiting on the side of the road—plain clothes. They'll let us take the lead."

"Ok," Elliot said. "What about the girl? We know he's erratic—what's the plan with her?"

"We are hoping to catch him off guard, and hopefully he will have the girl tied up somewhere, so when we can get a hold of him, backup can go in and get the girl." Cragen paused. "Elliot, I want you to be the lead on this. I think having Olivia ordering him around would just piss him off. Alex, I want you to stay back, behind me, and don't make any sudden movements. I'm kind of pissed that Donnelley made you come here, but I understand why. Everything has to go by the book, you got me?" He looked at them all with the authority of his position clear.

"Got it." Olivia and Elliot answered together.

Cragen began speaking again. "Also, we're doing the kevlar under your clothes. I don't want to encourage him, or give him any ideas."

Alex nodded in understanding. Olivia removed her long sleeve shirt and jacket, leaving her in only jeans and her camisole. Alex barely pulled her eyes off of the detective when Elliot caught her gaze. As Olivia strapped on the vest, she pulled her shirt and jacket down over it, and nodded to Elliot.

"Need help?" Elliot's voice caught Alex off guard, out of her trance. He was holding a vest, waiting for Alex to take off her jacket and shirt. Alex did so, and Elliot respectfully turned with the vest until Alex said she was ready to put it on. He lowered it over her head and tightened it around her body, as she got dressed again.

"We ready?" Cragen said. He pulled out his phone and called the local police. "They're ready for us. We're going in the same car. Let's go."

Alex and Olivia did as they were ordered and climbed in the back seat. Olivia holstered her gun and readied her mind with a deep breath. She turned and looked at Alex. The ADA was slowly tracing a finger over her hand, a nervous habit she had, and Olivia knew she understood the gravity of the situation.

"Hey," Olivia looked at Alex. "You ok?"

Alex turned and looked at the detective. "Yeah. I'm fine."

"Don't worry—you will be fine." She smiled a weak smile at the ADA.

Alex wanted to tell Olivia she wasn't worried about herself. The attorney knew that the detective's job was difficult and she risked her life at times for the victims, but it wasn't easy to understand unless you were _in _it. She was truly scared, not only for herself, but for Olivia.

The car sped up the hill as other officers met them at the top. There were 15 local officers, including SWAT, crisis units, plain-clothes officers, and patrol. Olivia knew they needed all the help they could get, but she didn't expect this many hands in the pot.

Elliot pulled the car over and quietly put it in neutral to coast quietly closer to the cabin. He stopped and everyone got out, Olivia grabbing Alex's hand and guiding her behind her and Cragen. Alex watched in amazement as all of the officers took their place, seemingly knowing exactly where they should be without any direction. Cragen had made it clear that SVU would be running the show, and he took Alex to the side of the house while Olivia and Elliot stayed at the front.

Inside, Olivia could see Kaley walking around. She tapped Elliot and nodded in Kaley's direction. They both exchanged troubled looks—they knew it'd be hard to do anything with her free inside the house. She was just one more variable they would have to account for. Of course they wanted her safe, but sometimes it's easier if the victim wasn't involved in the situation.

Suddenly, the front door opened. Kaley walked out onto the porch and the detectives noticed her hands were free and she had obvious bruises all over her body. She walked to the end of the porch and sat in a chair. Then, Kaley made eye contact with Elliot and her eyes widened. Elliot put his pointer finger to his mouth and nodded. She returned back inside without a word.

Out of the corner of her eye, Olivia saw Cragen and Cabot walk out from the side of the house. Cragen walked behind the detectives and was in position to help them if it was needed. Olivia thought that he must have sensed something was about to happen, because at that moment, Carlson busted the front door open, holding Kaley in a chokehold and wielding a rifle in one hand and a handgun in the other.

"You thought you'd surprise me, did you?" Carlson screamed from the porch. He turned on strong floodlights and temporarily blinded the detectives. "You all can go fuck yourselves!"

"Ok. Chuck. Chuck!" Elliot yelled, as he placed his forearm and hand over his brow, shielding his eyes from the lights. "Let's all just calm down. Chuck, help me out here. I'm not here to hurt you, I just want to help get Kaley home."

"Yeah, right. You're all just here to kill me. I'm not stupid. You wouldn't be here if you didn't already know what I've done." He said this with almost a smirk, like he was proud that he had gotten away with his previous crimes.

"Ok Chuck…what have you done?" Elliot knew he needed to stroke his ego. "You've been pretty good about covering yourself, and you were just too evasive for us to ever find. You outsmarted us, Chuck. Plain and simple."

"Yeah, and I'll do it again." He let Kaley go and moved his body violently.

No one was exactly sure what happened next, but immediately Alex felt Cragen's arm covering her, pushing her to the ground, and saw Olivia in the air. She heard two shots and a second later heard one more. When Alex looked up, Olivia was on the ground. Cragen's arm was still resting over her back, but she was able to raise her head and see what had transpired in the past ten seconds. Chuck Carlson was lying in a growing pool of blood, unresponsive and flat. But then, Alex heard a radio call that ran a chill down her spine—she was listening to Elliot, but didn't want to believe it.

"This is Manhattan SVU, with Rochester 2-2. I need a bus to Wild Pines Drive, the cabin on the hill. We've got an officer down, multiple GSW. I repeat: officer down. Need a bus STAT."

Both Cragen and Alex flew to Elliot's side. He still had his gun in one hand, and his radio in the other. He quickly handed his weapon to one of the responding officers—he knew he'd have to turn it in because he fired the fatal shot. Meanwhile, he turned his attention towards his partner. Elliot quickly unzipped Olivia's jacket, tore her shirt off and undid her vest. He applied pressure to the two wounds near Olivia's collarbone.

"Liv! Olivia. Look at me." Elliot was yelling—Alex had never heard anyone yell so lovingly. Olivia's eyes were opening and closing, trying not to lose consciousness. Olivia's hand reached up towards Elliot. He placed his hand on hers and pushed it back down to the ground.

"It's ok Liv. Just rest. It's ok. I've got a bus coming now. Just stay with me."

Immediately, Alex fell to her knees next to Olivia's side. All of the awkwardness between them in the past few weeks had disappeared, and she felt tears pool in her eyes. The cool, blue eyes met the closing golden ones. She placed her hand on Olivia's forehead and began speaking.

"Olivia, you've gotta stay with us. Common, Liv."

As Olivia lay on the grass, moving in and out of consciousness, she recognized Alex leaning over her. Everything seemed to stand still for the brunette detective. Elliot and Alex's face moved around above her, as she was unable to keep either of them in focus very long. She could feel the cold liquid pooling around her shoulder and saw it around Elliot's hand when he switched hands.

"I love you," she croaked out with a small smile.

"I love you too Liv. You've just gotta stay with us—you know another partner wouldn't deal with my shit," Elliot tried to make her smile, but her face was confused—she looked at Elliot and her eyes quickly turned to Alex.

Within the second, and too quickly for anyone to stop the sudden movement, she reached up and hooked her hand around Alex's neck, pulling the attorney down towards her, so she could gaze into those ice blue eyes. She tried to say something, but she felt breathlessness and liquid pooling in her throat, so she quietly shut her mouth and restrained. Olivia felt her hand tangle in Alex's hair, felt the ADA's warm neck and hair, and smelled the gentle scent of Alex's perfume. It was the most alive Olivia had felt in years, but in the back of her mind, she knew that she was probably closer to dying. Rather than releasing Alex, the detective's hand fell limp to the side and landed on the ground. Her head fell back and landed roughly on the grass. She closed her eyes and her body fell limp.

Alex didn't have time to think about what had happened. Elliot grabbed Olivia's face and lightly tapped. "Olivia! Olivia! Can you hear me?" Panic mode was starting to set in with Elliot and everyone could tell. The soft whine of the ambulance was growing closer and soon, Olivia was on a stretcher and being loaded into the vehicle. Elliot saw the shock on Alex's face.

"Alex. Alex-look at me." He took both of her shoulders in his hands and faced her squarely. "Alex, you need to go with Olivia to the hospital." She wanted to go, but she knew that Elliot should be the one going with the detective. She started to protest, but Elliot stopped her. "Alex. Listen to me: we both know she was talking to you and not me—go. Now."

With that, Alex jumped into the back of the ambulance with a plain-clothes officer and grabbed Olivia's hand. The amount of blood the detective was losing was alarming, and Alex silently said a prayer. She didn't believe in God, and wasn't ever very religious, but she didn't know what else to do—she knew this situation was out of her hands. She began to cry, as the officer came to her side and gave her a hug.

"I know how it is—you can feel guilty. But, you just have to remember it was her decision, and she's going to be ok. She's brave-that much is for sure." Alex turned towards her with a questioning look on her face.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, people can feel guilty sometimes when people take a bullet meant for them. I took one for my partner a year ago in August and you wouldn't believe the guilt he held on to for the next few months-we had to see the department shrink for a month or so."

Alex's stomach turned. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Why would Carlson be shooting at her? And how did Olivia know? And why did Olivia jump in front of the shot meant for Alex? There were so many questions, but Alex knew she could get all of the answers when Olivia recovered—_if Olivia recovered_.

The short ride was silent, besides the conversation Alex had with Karen, the plain-clothed officer, and the jargon between the EMT's. It seemed as though Olivia was pulling through currently, but Alex couldn't help but feeling that something was gravely wrong, as the detective was still unconscious. As the ambulance pulled into the emergency department, Alex knew her suspicions were confirmed. There was a team of doctors and nurses ready to receive Olivia, equipped with radios that were keeping in touch with the EMT's on the way.

The doors opened and Olivia was lowered to the doctors and rushed through the double doors. Alex was left standing, alone, in the lobby of the back area of the emergency room. She felt like falling to her knees after the doctors told her that she couldn't follow, but soon a middle-aged woman in scrubs approached her.

"Ma'am?" she placed a loving hand on Alex's shoulder. Alex turned as tears welled in her eyes.

"Alex, please."

"My name is Debbie. I'm a nurse here, and I just wanted to let you know what is going on with the detective. You came in with her, right?" It seemed as if she was searching for permission from Alex, to which the attorney just nodded.

"Well, I have good news and bad news. Luckily, both wounds missed major arteries, however, one severed a rather large vein, which explains the blood that pooled in her neck. One injury is purely orthopedic—a bullet ended up shattering the end of her clavicle, sending shards of bone into her body. The other passed cleanly through her trapezius muscle, but that's where the vein was severed," the nurse pointed to the top of her shoulder, near her neck.

"The good news is that, luckily, since the detective seems very muscular, the time to repair the wound will probably be minimal. And, more good news is that she was wearing the vest, but, the bullets hit her in a thin, flexible part of the vest. The bad news, then, is that she lost quite a bit of blood when the bullet passed through. She is in surgery now, stopping the bleeding and hopefully fully repairing the vein. They will also be removing the fragments of her bone and the bullet. If she is stable through the end of the surgery, they will probably go ahead and repair the joint of her clavicle and shoulder. If not, they can do it when she is more stable, but I think she's got a good chance of coming through this just fine."

Alex had neither breathed nor blinked throughout Debbie's consultation. She slowly let out a breath and gave the nurse a slight nod. "When can I see her?" Alex asked this, knowing it wouldn't be soon enough.

"I will let you know when…" Debbie's phone rang and she excused herself and answered. After a short conversation, she placed the phone back in her scrub top pocket. "It seems as though the rest of your company is here, Alex," she said with a small smile. The nurse placed her hand on the top of Alex's back and led her through the trauma unit and to the front of the waiting room. There she saw Cragen and Elliot. Cragen's face was white and Elliot was standing in his t-shirt, still stained with Olivia's blood. He rushed towards Alex and embraced her in a warm hug.

"Alex, she's going to be ok. It's going to be fine." Alex didn't want to cry, and she restrained herself just enough for tears to well in her eyes. She leaned back out of Elliot's hug and looked at Cragen.

"How did she know? How did you…" Cragen held up his hand to stop her.

"Alex, you can't ask yourself these questions. You'll drive yourself crazy. What I know is that I saw Carlson drop his rifle and point his handgun towards the lawn. I couldn't tell where he was shooting, and I don't think he could either. The floodlights were bright, and I can't believe that Olivia could tell where he was pointing. All I know is that I pulled you down to the ground for your protection—everyone was down."

Alex was bewildered. She settled for not knowing the answers right now, and rather turned her attention towards the thought of Olivia. "So is the bastard dead?"

"Yeah," Elliot said, as he shook his head. "I should have been quicker."

"You did what you had to do. You followed procedure. It was a clean shot," Cragen said. The three of them sat down in a private area of the waiting room. An hour passed as the three spoke quietly about Kaley, the case, and more importantly, Olivia, when a strong voice came from behind the three.

"Donald Cragen?"

Cragen stood and motioned to Elliot and Alex. They followed closely behind and listened to the conversation.

"I'm Donald Cragen—these are my colleagues Alex Cabot and Elliot Stabler." He motioned to the two and continued to speak. "We work with Olivia. I'm her captain, Elliot is her partner, and Alex is the ADA for our unit. We were on an operation up here when this happened."

The doctor seemed to understand and knew it was ok to release information. "Well, Mr. Cragen, you are her emergency contact on her HIPPA paperwork and I just want to make sure I'm speaking with the correct person, but I understand how close the blue line makes everyone." He took a breath and then continued. "I'm Dr. Bradford, I'm the head of trauma and emergency surgery here. Detective Benson will be ok. She had a small complication during surgery, but she is ok."

Cragen interrupted. "What kind of complication?"

"Well, she was having an adverse affect to some of the drugs we were giving her, so we had to bring her out of anesthesia a little earlier than we expected, so she is in a lot of pain. We used a local anesthetic for the stitches, but I think she could feel a lot of the sutures closing both wounds." Alex's face cringed and the doctor noticed. "It's pretty painful, but the wounds are completely sterile and she is stable. We've given her some pain medication so she may not be up for a while. She was unconscious when she came in, but slowly came back to us before we prepped her for surgery. During the surgery, our first priority was to stop the bleeding from the vein in her muscle. I was able to repair it with a patch, as it didn't completely sever the vein like we originally thought. After that, we removed the one bullet and shards of bone, and we were able to place a pin and very small plate into her clavicle to fix it, and she should recover just fine."

The three of them looked at the doctor and towards each other. They all breathed a collective sigh of relief. Cragen thanked Dr. Bradford and asked when they could see Olivia.

"Actually, we were thinking that we'd lift her back to the city. She's stable, and she's pretty much wiped out from the pain medication. She could use nothing more than rest right now, and it'd probably be better for you all to get closer to home."

"Do you think that's advisable given her condition?" Alex asked this question in a somewhat accusatory tone.

"Yes, she is stable. She will make a full recovery. The main concerns now are her stitches and the injury to her shoulder and collarbone. She needs to rest, and I think she will get a good time to rest on the ride. Is that ok with you, Mr. Cragen?"

"As long as she will be stable, yes that is fine. We will have Alex ride with her, if that's ok. Elliot and I have two squad cars to drive back. What hospital is she going to?"

"We'll take her to Mt. Sinai—we are under the same network. I've already called trauma and let them know about the situation. They have a bed for her—she will be in ICU for the rest of the day and then tomorrow, if she is responding well, they'll move her down and she should be out within the week, allowing for therapy time in and out of the hospital." Dr. Bradford left the three and they looked from one to the other, when Elliot spoke first. He reached his hand up and touched Alex's arm.

"You ok?"

"Yeah, I'm ok. I'll be better when I can see Olivia and speak to her. I still don't entirely understand what went on earlier. I just know that I love Olivia, and I always have. I'm not going to leave her again—I'm not going to lose her."

Cragen looked from Elliot to Alex and immediately understood what had been transpiring. He knew there was some tension, and assumed there was nothing going on, but now he knew that they must have been trying to sever ties, which explained the now outpouring of emotion from the both of them. He and Elliot exchanged looks before he spoke.

"We should go if we want to get back to the city in time with Olivia. Alex, I'll have someone come get you when they are ready to leave with her."

Alex nodded in understanding and hugged both of the men. She thanked them for helping her and watching out for her. They left and Alex took a seat in the waiting room. So many thoughts rushed through the attorney's head in those two hours that she didn't realize that she still had Olivia's blood on the sleeve of her shirt. It was dried, but she still traced over the stain on the sleeve, thinking of Olivia, when Debbie came to get Alex.

"Alex, come with me and we will take you to the transport ambulance. It's gonna be sort of a long ride, so do you need anything? Do you want a new shirt?" Debbie noticed the blood on Alex's shirt.

"No, thanks. I just want to be with Olivia and know that she will be ok."

Debbie smiled and patted Alex on the back, motioning to the ambulance. She opened the back door and let Alex settle into the seat. "Now, I need to let you know a few things—Olivia is probably going to be asleep for the entire ride, but she may be in and out, so she may still know that you're here. Also, there will be 3 EMT's riding with you both-obviously you know to stay out of their way if anything unexpected happens. Lastly, Olivia probably doesn't look too great—or what you remember her looking like a few hours ago. Please don't be scared—I guarantee you she is ok and will make a full recovery. It is safe for her to be riding back to New York City. She would just be sleeping in the same hospital bed anyways."

Alex listened to Debbie and nodded in understanding, although she was scared of what Olivia would look like. If she needed a warning from a nurse, how bad could it be?

A few minutes later, the door to the ambulance opened and Olivia was lifted into the back, along with the EMT's. Alex looked over at Olivia and tears finally poured from her eyes. The detective was breathing heavily, connected to machines, with her eyes barely open. Alex noticed Olivia was awake and sprung to her side.

"Olivia. I'm so sorry. Are you in pain?" She touched the detective's hand and rested hers on top of Olivia's.

Olivia's eyes slowly focused on Alex's and the detective croaked out a response. "I'm not sorry. I'm ok Al." Her eyes closed and Alex sat back down in the chair next to her. Love welled up in her heart for the detective, especially after Olivia called her an old nickname that she had refrained from using lately, trying to suppress her feelings.

Olivia's skin was two shades paler than normal, and she was tied up in a large black splint apparatus. Her eyes were sunken as she slept soundly. Alex gently looked over the detective and saw the small scar on her left hand from her last undercover operation. There were no complications on the ride back to New York, and five hours later Alex and Olivia arrived back in the city, settled into a room in the ICU.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

**Recovery**

"Alex?"

A voice came from the door and Alex opened her eyes and stretched out from the chair she had been sleeping in.

"Hey Elliot," she said as she yawned. She glanced at the clock and saw that it was nearly 7PM, and Olivia was still sleeping.

"How are you? How is she?"

"Everything seems ok. The ride back was good and now we are just waiting for her to sleep some pain off."

Elliot breathed a sigh of relief and smiled. "That's great. She will be just fine."

"Elliot. Tell me. You were up there with her—what happened?"

"Well, I think she saw it before I did. I was talking to Carlson, but I knew he was getting mad. He let go of his rifle but raised his arm with his handgun in it. I thought that he was just rearranging himself so he could hold Kaley tighter, but he raised his arm up and pointed in my direction. Liv was to my right, and you were further back and to the right. He was turning to face Kaley when I said something that must have pissed him off. He fired, probably just trying to scare someone, but I saw the flash in Liv's eye. I think she jumped before he even pulled the trigger…Alex you've gotta know that this isn't your fault."

"I get that, but I just wish she wasn't in pain because of me," she paused. "God knows I've already caused her enough of that."

Silence hung in the air. After a few minutes, Elliot walked over to Olivia in the bed and touched her cheek. A devout catholic, Elliot closed his eyes and mouthed a silent prayer. He crossed himself, squeezed Olivia's hand and smiled at Alex.

"Try to relax. She will be ok. Do you need anything?"

"No, I'm ok. Everything ok with IAB?"

"Yeah. It was a clean shot they say. Probably the fastest a case has ever been closed with them," he said with a chuckle. "Helps that there were about 13 cops there to verify my story. You sure you'll be ok? I'm gonna head out."

"Yeah, I'm ok. Thanks. I'll tell her you were here."

Elliot left and Alex turned her attention back towards Olivia. The detective was sleeping soundly, and Alex got out of the chair and walked towards Olivia's bed. She grabbed an extra chair and slid it towards the bed. She held Olivia's uninjured left hand, tracing her thumb over the healed scar over her knuckle and began to think. After a few minutes, she started to speak.

"I wish I could tell you everything, Olivia. When I sent you that first email about getting dinner, I thought it would make our relationship a little better, but it just pushed you away from me, and I'm sorry for that."

The attorney paused. She normally had an army of words at her command, but at this moment, she was speechless.

"I don't even know where to start with you…I love you Olivia. I've always loved you, and I think I knew from the beginning that our relationship was something that was very special to me. I was scared to be outed in the DA's office, but now I understand that I was just intimidated, and I'm not afraid to be who I am anymore. The time I spent away from you was worse than any pain I have ever felt. And, when they let me return from WITSEC, my first thought was to come running to you, hoping that you would have me back in your life, in any capacity. But, I wasn't allowed to have contact with anyone for a while, just to make sure that there wasn't a price on my head still."

"I know this may sound weird, but I went back to your apartment and watched you a little bit. I just wanted to see you. But, then you stopped going around. I assume that was when you moved. I had to see you—I've never felt more like a stalker in my life." She laughed a little at this comment, but then looked back to the detective.

"You are my life now, Olivia—if you'll have me. I want nothing more than to be with you. You are a wonderful, beautiful, strong woman, and let's face it—you saved my life, Liv. I owe you everything, and I'm ready to give you all that I am. I can't be away from you again. When you were down earlier, I thought I had lost everything. I know it's wishful thinking on my part, that I thought you were saying 'I love you' to me. And then when you were looking into my eyes, I was so lost in you…but I know what you said was meant for Elli—"

"It was meant for you."

Alex's eyes widened in shock—her breath caught in her throat and she couldn't speak. She stood up and moved closer to Olivia, rubbing her hands up and down Olivia's left hand and arm. Her right arm and shoulder were still tied up in the black brace and sling.

"In case things din turn out so good." Olivia's words slurred and she was in and out, between awake and asleep. Alex could tell the pain medication was affecting Olivia, and she reminded herself that Olivia may not remember what she was saying, or hearing, tomorrow. Nevertheless, tears welled in Alex's eyes. She leaned down over Olivia's bed and placed a soft kiss on the detective's forehead as tears ran down her face. Olivia reached up with her good arm and held Alex's arm behind her elbow as she closed her eyes. Alex pulled back and looked into Olivia's eyes. Alex felt a vulnerability that she had never known, and knew she had to speak to Olivia honestly.

"I'm so sorry for everything Olivia. For leaving, for not coming back to you right away when I came back to New York, for…"

"Stop." Olivia held up her hand and from the look on her face, Alex could tell she meant it. "It's ok. We talk about it later. Don wanna to talk bout anthing now."

At that moment, a doctor walked through the door with a soft knock.

"Detective! I didn't expect you to be awake when I came by. It's great to see you awake and alert." The doctor wore a small, comforting smile and spoke in a gentle, surprising voice.

"I'm Dr. Howell, do you remember seeing me earlier?"

Olivia shook her head with a slight frown.

"That's ok. I just want to let you know that, especially since you're awake now, you seem to be making great progress. Do you remember what I told you about your surgery?"

Again, Olivia slowly shook her head.

"No problem. Well, one bullet went cleanly through your trapezius muscle up here," he motioned, but didn't touch, halfway between the detective's shoulder and neck. "The only trouble that caused is that it skimmed over a pretty major vein, so they patched that right up quickly, and that's where you lost most of your blood."

"The other bullet lodged into your shoulder, shattering part of your clavicle. They removed the bone shards and repaired that with a small plate. You'll need physical therapy for that—treat it as a sports injury. You are very lucky, detective." He smiled at both women in the room and Olivia returned a faint smile back.

"So, I'm going to move you upstairs in a few minutes and we will make sure everything heals correctly—you'll see the physical therapist in the morning…are you feeling ok? How's your pain?"

"Ok." Her eyes shifted towards Alex and her lips separated in a weak smile.

"Ok." The doctor understood the smile. "I'll order up a little more pain medication and we will get you moved right away."

"No, I don't want any." Her voice trailed off and she began to pout, still a little loopy from the medication.

"Are you sure? You'll probably be in a considerable amount of pain, especially for physical therapy in the morning."

Alex took over from here, looking towards Olivia. "She seems to really not want any. If she is in any more pain, I will find you or the nurse. Is that ok?"

"Ok," Doctor Howell said. "We'll move her right away."

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A few hours after Olivia was settled in her new room, she was awake and quickly struck up a conversation. The pain medication seemed to be wearing off, as Olivia's speech was much more formed and dictated. She watched for a few minutes as Alex was curled up in the chair next to her bed. She was reading a magazine, and Olivia couldn't help but find her astoundingly beautiful, as she watched her ocean blue eyes bound over each word on the page.

"Alex," Olivia started. "I need to talk to you." Olivia took a deep breath and waited for Alex to respond.

Alex jumped a little at the words—she didn't know Olivia was awake. She placed the magazine down, folding it down onto her lap. "Ok," she said as she readied herself.

"Please don't feel guilty for what happened last night—let me finish," Olivia noticed that Alex had opened her mouth to respond, and held up her hand to stop her. "Please, Alex, listen. I don't want you to think that it was, in any way, your fault. That's all I'm asking of you…ok?" Alex noticed the pleading look in the detective's eyes.

"Ok."

Olivia fell asleep shortly after the conversation and Alex was left to her thoughts. She looked through Olivia's bag and found her bloodied clothes, spare deodorant, and a book. _'A book,'_ Alex smiled at the thought. She opened the same book she had seen in Olivia's apartment a few weeks before—it was still marked on the same page with the same section underlined. Alex read it and smiled as she looked over to Olivia. She knew things would be ok.

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The detective winced as the black brace and splint were taken off. The physical therapist was helping the detective as his assistant came through the door. Immediately Alex recognized the blonde. She felt a pang of jealousy, but wanted to gauge Olivia's reaction.

"Olivia?!" The physical therapist's assistant walked quickly to the detective and placed her hands on Olivia's face. "Oh my god what happened to you?"

"Hope." Olivia's eyes were tired and Alex could instantly tell that she wasn't up for Hope's shit. Alex didn't know much, but she knew enough to understand that Olivia wasn't serious about this relationship, and she knew that Hope was basically using Olivia.

"Um I got shot. I'm fine. Thanks." Olivia pushed Hope's hands off of her face as she winced and looked at the physical therapist with pleading eyes. He must have sensed the tension, because he dismissed the blonde.

"Hey Hope can you go check on the guy in 1102? He needs a treatment and you can just do it while I'm in here."

"Sure, no problem. Feel better, Olivia." She said as she sauntered out of the room. Olivia rolled her eyes and turned her attention towards the therapist. "Thanks for that. Long story."

"It's no problem."

For the next hour, Alex watched as Olivia and the therapist worked on her shoulder, doing various exercises, explaining to both Alex and Olivia that she would have to continue to do these at least twice a day or else her shoulder would get stiff. Olivia nodded in agreement and finished the exercises set before her. After she was done, the therapist helped her put her arm back in the sling and brace, as she winced through the pain.

Hours later, Olivia awoke from her nap to find Alex speaking with Dr. Howell. She didn't open her eyes, but continued to listen.

"So, you think she will be ok to leave tomorrow night?"

"I think so. If not tomorrow, Thursday. Detective Benson is strong. As long as she continues to do her exercises and let those stitches heal, she should be just fine. But, she should probably be watched—I'm assuming you two live together?"

"Um no, actually. No, we don't." Alex immediately blushed at the doctor's assumption.

Suddenly, the doctor realized his error. "Oh, I'm sorry. I just assumed…I mean, you've just been taking such great care of her, and staying by her side."

"No, it's ok—it's no problem. I'll make sure I keep an eye on her. Is there anything I can do to speed up the process? I know she will want to get back to work and normalcy soon."

"I don't think so—she will be just fine. Just make her do those exercises and watch the stitches."

With a smile, Alex nodded. "I can do that. Thanks for all of your help. I was scared we had lost her." Not wanting to sound too desperate, she covered herself quickly. "She is a great detective, and I know they want her back as soon as possible."

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It was late Wednesday night and an orderly was wheeling Olivia out of the hospital into Elliot's waiting car.

"Wow. That looks good on you, old lady." Elliot laughed as he opened the passenger door for Olivia, and helped her into the car. Alex climbed into the back and fastened her seatbelt. After Olivia was situated, she began to speak.

"For your information, _Richard_, it's standard protocol. Now take us to Alex's so she can get some clothes. She's gonna stay with me for a while." This was a surprise to both of them, but they both seemed ok with it. They stopped at Alex's apartment in The Village, and she got out.

"You need help?" Elliot asked this question, knowing that she would tell him to stay behind with his partner.

"No, I'm good. I'll be back down in a minute."

Elliot turned and looked toward Olivia. "You doing ok Liv?"

"Yeah. I'm sore, but I'm just happy to be alive."

"Liv…" Elliot paused, and Olivia knew what was coming. "Why?"

"I've realized what's important in my life, Elliot. I've spent too much time trying to deny what went on between Alex and me. I know what I need, and it's her. I've been thinking about it since I turned her down for dinner, and now that she's actually back for good, there are just so many things I can't deny…I've tried. I've tried to deny everything for the past few weeks, but I just end up feeling shittier than I did before."

"I'm not ready to tell her all of this yet, but I trust you, and I needed to tell someone." Olivia paused and thought carefully about her next sentence, as tears welled in her eyes and her mouth turned downward. "I am willing to protect her with my life, Elliot. Without her, I have nothing—I learned that when she was gone in WITSEC, and trying to deny it since she has been back has just been horrible for me. I think that's why I continued things with Hope for a little longer than I thought I should."

Elliot smiled and placed his hand on Olivia's back. "It's ok Liv." Tears rolled down his partner's face as he continued. "I'm glad you figured it out. And I know she'll take great care of you…now," he nodded at her shoulder, "and later." Elliot smiled and Olivia patted his leg with her left hand appreciatively as Alex walked out with a large bag. She opened the door and sat in the back of the car.

"Everything ok?" Alex asked, feeling that she had interrupted an intimate partner-to-partner conversation.

"Yeah," Olivia and Elliot said together, smiling at each other.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: I just wanted to say thank you so much to everyone who has faithfully stayed with Olivia and Alex through this tumultuous beginning. I have written 14 chapters so far just on my computer. (I was being selfish and didn't know if it was good enough to post.) I'm glad I've decided to! This is why there are so many updates in so little time. **

**Thanks so much for sticking with the story. It's hard for me to fast-forward through parts of a story, but Olivia's recovery will not be dragged out over many chapters, so if that is too unrealistic, I apologize-however, it just gets us closer to AO being back to 'normal.' (Hate that word, but I think it fits here.)**

**Thanks, as always, to everyone who has followed, favorited, commented and just read! Thanks to lizzy43, bellatisha, BabouTunt, tummer22, and various guests who have left comments. I am forever indebted to you-not just for commenting, but for helping me realize that my writing was good enough! :)**

**Chapter 11**

**Help**

Alex helped Olivia to the couch and turned to face her partner. "Thanks Elliot. I'm gonna get her in the bath and put her PJ's on. I foresee a long couple days of DVD's and 'Friends' marathons." Alex smiled as she spoke to Elliot.

"It's no problem. Hey, Alex," his voice lowered to a whisper. "Be good to her. We all know how you feel now, so just be aware of that." It almost sounded threatening, but Alex knew he was just looking out for his partner. "Call me if you need me. But, I'm gonna try to leave you both alone regarding work—you both need to recover from this." Elliot hugged Alex and left the apartment, after saying goodbye to Olivia.

"Well, detective," Alex said as she approached Olivia. "Feel like a bath?"

"Actually, yeah. That sounds great. I feel really gross."

"Ok, I'll go run you some water. You need to be careful that it doesn't get on your stiches, but I think it'll still make you feel better." Alex walked to the bathroom and started the bathwater, adding some soap and fragrance to the bottom of the tub, so when the water hit it, the soap bubbled up into a fragrant mix of water and bubbles. She was lost watching the swirling water when she heard a voice from behind her.

"Alex," as the attorney turned around, she saw Olivia, struggling with the black brace that held her right arm across her chest. "Can you help me?"

Alex shot up from the side of the tub and to Olivia's side. She gingerly moved around to the back of the detective and undid the Velcro strap holding the detective's arm, supporting her arm from behind her. Alex moved to stand in front of Olivia and lifted the brace over her head, releasing her arm. Olivia slowly lowered her arm to rest at her side, looking directly at Alex.

"Thanks," Olivia said with a sympathetic smile. "The hardest part is going to be my shirt—I'm not wearing anything under my pants or shirt, so it should be pretty simple for me to get undressed, but I'll need your help from the back to take my shirt off. It'll be easiest if you take it over my head from the back so I can just pull it down my arms in the front."

Alex did as she was told and tried not to look at Olivia's bare, chiseled back in front of her. The detective removed her pants and stepped lightly into the bathtub. She sank low, and looked at Alex.

"Is there any way I could ask you to help me wash my hair? I think I can do it, but I'll need you to wash the shampoo out." Olivia looked at Alex with curious eyes, as she started pouring shampoo in her hand.

"Yeah. But I need to put the waterproof tape and dressing over those stitches, just in case." Alex walked into the kitchen and grabbed the supplies the hospital gave them. She came back into the bathroom and carefully tore the tape to fit the dressing. Delicately, she placed the pieces over Olivia's wounds and pressed lightly. "Sorry—did that hurt?"

"No, it's ok." Olivia winced, but rubbed the shampoo into her hair with her left hand, trying her best to cover her whole head from one side. Feeling bad for her, Alex walked behind her and started massaging the shampoo into Olivia's hair, trying hard not to have wandering eyes while the detective was naked under the scented water. She could make out her breasts, barely underneath the milky water, bubbles surrounding her tight body and gathering around the detective's cleavage.

Olivia leaned back, enjoying the feel of Alex's hands in her hair. She knew that she was mostly thinking of the attorney in a lustful capacity before, but Olivia knew that was partly because she was denying that she still loved Alex. It seemed to make it harder to ignore the attorney when she still found her so incredibly sexy. Now that Olivia was ready to submit to her feelings, she saw and felt things about Alex that she couldn't understand, but treasured.

The detective couldn't help but feel the love in Alex's hands—her touch was so soft and delicate. Olivia looked up to see Alex sitting over her, her face close to the detective's. She smiled and held eye contact until Alex broke it, carefully washing the shampoo out of Olivia's hair, cautiously avoiding the wound area.

"Ok. You probably need to relax. Let me know if you need anything, or any help."

"Thanks Alex."

The attorney gently closed the bathroom door and moved into Olivia's bedroom. She changed her sheets, and fluffed her pillows, as well as grabbed a change of clothes for when Olivia emerged from the bathtub. She placed Olivia's exercise paperwork next to the brace and sling on the bed, and sat down, thinking of the sight of the naked detective in the bathtub in the next room. Not much time had passed when Olivia emerged wrapped in a large grey towel. Alex turned and got up from the bed.

"Hey. You done already?" Alex approached Olivia and rubbed her left arm with a reassuring smile. Olivia smelled so good that the attorney leaned in as she spoke, touching the detective's tricep, cupping the back of her arm, and running her hand down it delicately.

"Yeah—I'd rather be out here. And, I'm afraid I'll get these damn stitches wet." Olivia laughed and nodded to the change of clothes on the bed. "Thanks for that. Can you help me? And…" Not knowing how to approach the subject, she hesitated a little. "I'm not going to be wearing a bra for the next few days, so I'll apologize in advance for all of…this." She made a circular motion with her left hand around her chest and chuckled.

"It's no problem. I don't blame you," was all Alex was able to say. There were so many other things she was thinking of saying, but she decided to hide how satisfied she was that she would be able to see the perfect, unrestricted breasts of the detective for the next few days.

Alex sat on the bed, facing away from the detective while Olivia put on her cotton underwear and the skin-tight yoga pants that Alex laid out. She was able to get the sweatshirt over her head and pull it down. She got her left arm through without a problem, but knew that straightening her injured arm out to get through the hole would be a task. She walked to Alex and cleared her throat, causing the attorney to turn around, stand up, and face her. They made eye contact and laughed quietly at the sight of Olivia with one arm in the sweatshirt and one restricted against her body. Olivia reached for Alex's hand and grabbed it with her own, as her smile faded.

"Alex." Olivia spoke softly, barely above a whisper. "I know 'thank you' won't ever be enough. And even more, I know 'sorry' won't ever cover how I've been acting towards you. But, I'm so happy that you're here." She moved closer, almost touching noses with Alex. She placed her right hand on Alex's waist, above her hip and looked into the blue eyes. Alex could swear she saw tears in Olivia's eyes, but she started to speak anyways, her own voice a little shaky.

"Olivia, there isn't anything for you to say sorry for. We will just start over…from right here…this very minute. And, I'm the one that should be thanking you. You sa-" Olivia stopped her from speaking anymore with a squeeze of her hand.

"We can talk about that later."

"Ok," Alex said as her voice broke. Now, there were definitely tears in the attorney's eyes, and the last thing Olivia wanted was for her to cry. So, ever the jokester, she flapped her empty sweatshirt arm at the attorney and chuckled. "Now…can you help me out here?"

The smile and show warmed Alex's heart and she knew she was getting back to the old Olivia she knew, and loved, so well.

"Ok, just please tell me if it hurts—I'll stop," Alex said as she tugged the sweatshirt down over Olivia's belly button. She pulled down on the bottom of the shirt so the armhole traveled lower and more parallel to Olivia's arm. The detective squinted and raised her shoulder, bending her elbow to put her hand through the hole. After a minute of a struggle, Olivia's face eased as her arm came through the hole and her hand protruded through the wrist hole.

"Ok," Alex said with a smile. "Sorry if that hurt. Take a second and breathe while I take off that dressing and tape." Alex pulled the collar of the sweatshirt gently to the left to expose the wounds and gingerly peeled off the tape. "All dry. Looks good."

Olivia put her arm in the sling and threw the Velcro over her shoulders and around her back so Alex could attach it all together. The younger blonde pulled the brace and sling a little tighter than was comfortable for Olivia, which she was instructed to do, and Olivia thanked her.

"You made that really easy," Olivia said. "Thanks again for taking good care of me."

Alex blushed. "Olivia, honestly, after what you did for me the other day, there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you."

Their eyes met for this confession, and they both felt the electricity between them. Unknowingly, they moved closer to each other, until Alex snapped out of the trance and cleared her throat. "You should sit down somewhere. Are you tired? Do you want to take a nap or be on the couch or…?"

"Not tired. I am in a little bit of pain though. I think I'll go out to the couch. Maybe we can watch a movie or something…?"

"Sounds good. What do you need?"

"Alex, I'm good. Lead the way," as she said this, Alex began to walk into the living room, arranging pillows and blankets on the oversized couch. Olivia crouched down and reached into her bag from the hospital, pulling her glasses out and placing them on her face. She saw her jacket and t-shirt, covered in blood, and her heart sank. She hadn't really thought about what had happened to her, but rather she had been focused on her mind, instead of her body. She knew that an event like this changed everything: she had been thinking about Alex. For what seemed like hours, Olivia stood holding the bloodied shirt in her left hand, until she jumped at the contact on the middle of her back.

"Olivia? Are you ok?"

Olivia said nothing, but turned to Alex with the stained shirt still in her hand. Her eyes were glassy and Alex could tell that her thoughts were clouded. Their eyes connected and she lovingly placed her hand on the detective's hand. She took the shirt from Olivia and wrapped her into a soft hug, holding the back of her head with one hand and caressing the middle of her back with the other, until Olivia broke the contact.

"I'm ok…I'm good. Let's go watch a movie." She struggled to show a smile, and Alex noticed.

Olivia and Alex walked into the living room and the detective got comfortable on the couch. Alex walked over to one of the bookshelves and scanned through the DVD's—Olivia was a fan of thrillers and comedies.

"Want anything specific?" Alex asked this question knowing that Olivia probably wouldn't pay much attention to the movie, so she knew she'd say no.

"Not really. But, a comedy would be nice."

Alex picked up 'Back to the Future,' and placed it in the DVD player. The main menu came up as Alex was getting Olivia some Ibuprofen and water in the kitchen.

"HA! Good pick," Olivia said as she saw the menu on the TV. "I love this movie."

Alex smiled—she remembered that Olivia had liked the movie, and was glad that she was still right about some things. She handed Olivia the glass of water and pills and smiled at her before sitting on the other end of the couch.

"I know! I have a good memory." Alex smiled at Olivia and started to watch the movie.

The first hour of the movie passed without much conversation, but Alex was brewing and it must have been obvious. Olivia grabbed the remote and paused the movie, looking towards Alex.

"Alex, what's up with you? If you've got something to say, just say it."

"Liv," her eyes lifted and met Olivia's. She hadn't purposefully called her that in so many years—sure, it may have slipped a few times in the past few months as they were getting reacquainted, but she surely didn't mean to. But now, it felt so right coming off of her lips. "I don't really know what to say." Alex's eyes filled up with tears as she began speaking. "You saved my life…again, Olivia...why?"

Olivia was sitting with her right ankle up under her leg and her splinted arm resting on the armrest of the sofa. She opened up her left arm and motioned for Alex to move closer. The attorney obliged, and relaxed into Olivia's uninjured shoulder.

"Alex, when I became a police officer, I pledged my life to this city. Every day I willingly put myself in the way to protect others. I do it because it's inside me—it's in my blood and it's something I can't deny. On September 11th, I realized my life was not guaranteed, and shortly after that, when my mother died, I knew that it was a gift. I guess you don't really realize how valuable life is until you see some of these victims—these kids—who already don't have a reason to live anymore. Someone has destroyed their life at such a young age, and it's my job to protect that."

"There has been a lot of stuff that has happened since you've been gone, but I haven't changed that much, Alex—I still take my oath very seriously, and I pledge to protect people under my charge." Olivia stopped her speech, and looked towards Alex.

"Alex, I need to apologize to you. When I sent you that email…," Alex stopped her.

"You don't have to explain yourself. It's ok. I just wanted to tell you that I owe you—and I know that. It doesn't matter what happened when I was in WITSEC, and we can talk about that later if you want. All that matters is that I'm back in New York, you've come to my rescue once again, and I'm here with you now."

Olivia conceded and relaxed back into the sofa. "Ok. Well, you don't have to thank me." Olivia reached up and stroked Alex's arm. "I would do it again in a second." She looked down at Alex as the blue eyes met her gaze.

"Buuut, I am kinda hungry, so if you want to pay me back by ordering something, that would be awesome." Alex smiled and snuggled playfully into Olivia, who threw her head back and laughed as her stomach growled. Alex laughed and headed towards the fridge, where she knew many takeout menus would be hanging from the magnets.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

**Admission**

Alex howled with laughter as Olivia smiled coyly and sank back onto the couch. Olivia had a hard time eating her pasta, as she wasn't left handed, and the attorney thought this behavior was hilarious.

"Of course this would happen to the only one of us that _isn't _left handed," Olivia noted and chuckled, as Alex smiled.

Hours had passed and the movie was playing for the third or fourth time. Neither of them cared, and both had remarked about how nice it was to be in each other's company again. Alex had showered and changed into fresh clothes and they were both relaxing on the couch, full from their Italian takeout.

"You should do your exercises, detective." Alex leaned forward and yawned, stretching out her arms with a small smile.

"Yeah, I guess," Olivia responded as she loosened the splint and sling. She stood up and started to stretch out her arms and shoulder. Alex stood up and faced her, watching for support. She watched as Olivia placed both of her hands against her side, and raised them up at a 90-degree angle, straight out in front of her. She repeated this motion seven times and only winced in pain once or twice.

"Feeling ok?" Alex asked this question with a small smile.

"Right now, yeah. But we'll see when I'm done. Tell me something interesting so I won't be thinking much about the pain while I'm doing these."

"Well, I don't have anything new to tell you detective. You see, you and I have been together for the past 4 days. I've got nothing new," the attorney smiled. Olivia knew she was right. She continued with her next exercise, repeating the same motion seven times again.

"Yeah, I guess you're right," the detective winced at she raised her arms from her side upwards to make her body into a T. This one hurt. Olivia doubled over in pain and Alex moved in to support her body. The attorney placed her hands on Olivia's hips and helped her steady herself. Olivia straightened up and smiled a defeated smile at Alex. "Thanks." The attorney was worried, but strained out a smile back at the detective; she didn't want Olivia to know how concerned she was about her.

The detective moved on to the next exercise, as she started speaking, "I do have to say, I'm surprised you haven't mentioned anything about the shooting," Olivia grunted out, curiously.

"What do you mean?" A lump caught in Alex's throat. She wasn't exactly sure what Olivia meant, but she was beyond nervous to open up and talk about that night. Alex was able to enjoy what Olivia had said to her in the hospital, but didn't want to put too much stock into it because she knew the detective was on pain medication, and may not actually remember that she told Alex everything she had confessed.

"I mean we haven't talked about it," was Olivia's very matter-of-fact response, as she let out a breath. "I thought you might want to talk it out. I know you, Alex. I don't want you to feel guilty, and I know the lawyer in you has some questions that haven't been answered yet."

With that, Olivia sat down. She was able to place the sling over her head herself, and only needed Alex to velcro the back of the brace. She sank back down into the couch, quietly breathing, measuring her heartbeat—the exercises were an ordeal. Not only was her shoulder throbbing, but she was bracing herself for the next conversation that she tried to start before she sat down. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply. As they opened, she saw Alex settling down into the opposite side of the couch, pulling a blanket over her lap. Her face was fixed on the detective—her head was slightly cocked to the side, with a sympathetic look on her face.

Alex knew that Olivia was in pain, but couldn't help but find the detective remarkably gorgeous. She studied her face—the color was coming back to her and she looked perfectly normal, like the ordeal had never happened. Her brown eyes focused on Alex, and the attorney could feel her heart swell just knowing Olivia was looking at her.

It was only when the detective raised her eyebrows, like she was expecting an answer to a question that Alex had forgotten; Olivia wanted to talk about the shooting. Alex knew she had been lost in the detective, and had neglected what they were talking about.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" The attorney stammered.

"I just don't want you to feel guilty about the shooting, Alex. It's not your fault"

The attorney quickly snapped back to reality. She looked over to the detective and remembered all of the questions she had asked Elliot in the few days before.

"Olivia…I just don't…how did you know? Why did you jump?" Tears welled in Alex's eyes, and she fought back the strong urge to break down and dissolve into the couch.

The detective took a breath and began. "I'll answer whatever you ask, Alex, but I don't want you to feel guilty."

Olivia paused, looked at Alex, and readied herself for what she knew she was going to say. She had waited long enough. Each time she looked at the attorney, her heart swelled and her breath hitched. She recognized the old feelings Alex used to give her whenever she saw her walk into the squad room—it was too much to deny. She gazed into Alex's eyes—those eyes that were so familiar to her so long ago, and were making their way back into her heart.

"I had a feeling Carlson was going to shoot when he came out of the house. When he turned the floodlights on, I knew that was a tactic—he wanted to get the better of us. I should have noticed those lights before we came up on the lawn, but I didn't…" she paused, silently beating herself up for not noticing the lights right away.

"Luckily, I saw him reaching for the switch and I remembered a trick I learned in the academy and adjusted my eyes quickly. When he let Kaley go, I knew he was going to do something risky. I thought that he'd run, but when I saw him put the handgun down, I knew he was shooting. I looked back towards you, to make sure you weren't in harms way, but as I looked, he saw me and pointed towards you. I didn't even have time to draw my gun…" Tears filled Olivia's eyes, but she fought them back quickly, as she swallowed, and her voice cracked. "And I jumped."

Alex noticed the emotion well up in the detective, causing her to well up. Curious, she asked the question she had been waiting to ask, her voice breaking. "Ok. But why did you jump? Olivia, you could have died…I was afraid you were going to..." Alex's voice trailed off.

"I jumped because I know what it's like to be without you." As she said this, she was looking down into her lap, twiddling her fingers, but when she finished, Olivia lifted her head and looked across the couch to the blonde. Alex's mouth was slightly ajar, and her shock filled eyes landed on the detective, looking between her mouth and her eyes. While the attorney was still processing, Olivia took the opportunity to continue.

"Alex, when you were shot outside O'Malley's, I couldn't help but think that it was my fault. The entire time you were in WITSEC, I would think about what else I could have done differently. When I went to sleep, I would see your blood on my hands, feel your sightless stare, and the fear would just overwhelm me. I would wake up, sometimes sweating and panting, sometimes crying, but always thinking about what I could have done to save you so you wouldn't have had to go to WITSEC. I could have protected you here."

This vulnerable admission tore Alex's heart apart. She began to think about Olivia, as she always did, however now she knew that the detective was just as miserable as she was while she was in WITSEC. Alex opened her mouth to respond, but Olivia continued, holding up her hand, and then placing it on the attorney's.

"Just let me say this, Alex. I think I've needed to say it for a while—to someone besides Elliot," she smiled a little bit, but became serious quickly.

"When you went away to WITSEC, Alex, I lost a part of my life that I think I took for granted. You were always there, and I could always email you or call you. Whether it was just to bullshit, or so we could bounce work ideas off of each other. Professional or not, you were a constant," she stopped, "the _only_ constant, in my personal life. I was never one to talk about my life outside of work, but everyone noticed what was going on between us. It was only once you left that I finally noticed it myself."

The detective paused. "When Carlson saw my vulnerability, I knew I had blown it. I was watching out for you, and not myself. He could tell that you were the most important thing to me, and not myself. I thought back to when you got shot and the uncertainty churned in my stomach. I jumped. That's it."

"I guess I realized that if anything happened to you, I wouldn't ever forgive myself. And…" Olivia hesitated, but Alex scooted closer to her on the couch, inviting her to continue. "I know now that my life is nothing without you. I've done 'alone' all my life, but I've realized that I just can't be without you, Alex. If I had to, I'd wait all of this time again to be able to tell you exactly how I feel—in this moment, right now."

Alex couldn't hold them back—tears fell freely from her eyes, and she leaned into the older brunette, as Olivia placed her uninjured arm around Alex.

"Oh Olivia, I'm so sorry," Alex sobbed into Olivia's shoulder. The detective pulled her away so she could look into the attorney's eyes.

"Alex, you have nothing to apologize for. But, I do want to tell you that _I'm_ sorry. I'm sorry for how I've been acting since you've been back. I was stupid to think that you'd immediately come back to SVU with no problem. I was selfish fighting with you about coming back to New York, and about Hope. She was never worth it, but, looking back, I know she was just a substitute for you…I've made a lot of bad decisions in the past few years while you've been away, and I think it's because I never truly admitted how I felt about you, Alex. And, now that I have that chance, I don't ever want you to doubt how I feel."

Alex sat cross-legged across from the detective and looked into her eyes. "Olivia," the attorney started, "I know I told you a little bit about when I was in WITSEC, but I think now is an appropriate time to tell you that I feel the exact same way. Without you, I would have died right there outside that bar so many years ago, and, without you a few days ago, I probably would have met the same fate. You truly are my guardian, Liv. I am forever grateful to you, but more than that, I realized in WITSEC one thing that has forever changed me. This one thing has been my hope, my strength, and my entire world that I've clung to for the past few years. I've realized that I love you, Olivia Benson."

Olivia started to speak, but Alex touched her hand, as if to quiet her. "Liv, don't say anything. I know the past few days have been really hard for you, so I just want you to know exactly how I feel, and then everything is out on the table." Olivia conceded, and thought that Alex would just have to wait for Olivia to tell her that she loved her as well.

"Ok," Olivia said, with a small smile. The attorney reached over and took the detective's glasses off. She tucked a piece of hair behind Olivia's ear, tracing her hand down the detective's cheek.

"Are you feeling ok?"

Olivia nodded. "I'm good now."

They both smiled, and the back of Alex's hand still rested slightly below Olivia's ear. Olivia's eyes followed the attorney's hand as it slowly traced her olive cheek, resting on her jaw. She lightly closed her eyes, savoring this moment as if it would end in a second. Alex's eyes met Olivia's and she knew, in that moment, that Olivia felt the same way, even if she hadn't said it, and regardless of how she had been acting—she had Olivia back in her life, and nothing would change that.

They had kissed before, but both of the women felt so nervous knowing it would happen again. When they had kissed one another so many years ago, it was a passionate plea to be taken to bed, tongues wrestling with one another, but now, they both knew it would be different.

Alex scooted closer to the detective, and looked from Olivia's golden eyes to her full, pink lips, where the detective was slightly biting her bottom lip, a sign that Alex knew she was trying hard not to kiss the attorney. Olivia's eyes were set on Alex's lips, remembering how soft and welcoming they were so many years ago.

Before Alex could execute her smooth plan, she felt a delicate, but firm hand under her chin. Olivia had reached out and politely seized Alex's chin, pulling her towards the detective. Olivia paused for one second, making quick eye contact with Alex, before resting her full lips on the attorney's.

Electricity flew through the air, as they both succumbed to the loving touch of each other's lips. A sigh and a light moan escaped from Alex's mouth, and as Olivia pulled away, she could feel her world coming back into focus.

"I wanted to tell you…I like that you're calling me 'Liv' again," the detective whispered, as their lips were mere millimeters apart. With a smile, Alex collapsed into Olivia's side and smiled as wide as she could.

"Detective, I'll call you whatever you want me to." Her voice was throaty, and the way she said 'detective' made Olivia shudder. Alex smiled at Olivia, as she placed quick kisses up her neck, and she felt the detective squirm.

"Haha. Oh no," Olivia said, as she smiled and sat up straighter. This motion aggravated her shoulder, and she winced in pain. What had been a playful gesture had turned into a painful accident that hurt the detective.

Alex immediately jumped off the couch, scared. "Oh no, Olivia, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to—." Olivia stopped Alex, holding up her hand.

"It's ok, it's ok," the detective said as she winced in pain and repositioned herself on the couch. Alex took this opportunity to go get Olivia some water, and some pain medication. She realized that Olivia hadn't taken any all day.

She walked back into the living room and found Olivia standing, looking out the window. There was a slight gap between her shirt and pants, her olive skin peeking out. The attorney placed the glass of water and pill bottle down silently, walking towards the detective. She placed her hands on Olivia's hips, and smoothed them around to the front of her tight body, as she rested her head on Olivia's uninjured shoulder. Olivia craned her neck backwards as a sly smile crept over her face. She turned to face Alex, but the brace created too much distance than she wanted.

"It's cute when you pout," Alex smiled. "I always used to pretend I couldn't get you a warrant because I loved to see that face you make when you don't get your way." Olivia opened her mouth in shock, but then laughed it off, as she yawned.

"I think we should sit down," Olivia said. Alex walked her over to the couch and sat down, inviting Olivia to lay down and rest her head on her lap. The detective did so, and Alex ran her fingers lovingly through her hair as they absentmindedly watched the movie again, Olivia reciting her favorite lines, until she fell asleep.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

**Comfort**

They slept the whole night like that: Alex sitting on the couch, with her legs up on the grey suede ottoman, her hand atop Olivia's head, tangled in her hair. When Olivia stirred the next morning, Alex quickly awoke, on the alert for anything that the detective would need.

"Hi." Olivia smiled a groggy smile and peered up into the attorney's eyes.

"Hi." She looked down and began to rub the detective's forehead, and tangle her hand in Olivia's hair. "This is nice."

"Yeah, it is…" the detective paused and blinked slowly, taking Alex's free hand into her own, atop her stomach. "You're so wonderful, Alex. Thank you so much for taking care of me. And for talking to me last night—like we used to."

The attorney blushed and ran her hand through her hair, as she looked up towards the TV.

"Oh shit. What time is it?" Alex rarely swore, but Olivia always liked when she did. "You have therapy at 9!" She was almost yelling, frantically standing up from the couch and rushing around the apartment. She grabbed Olivia's discharge and exercise papers, her purse, and was in the middle of putting her jacket on when Olivia stepped over and placed a small kiss on her lips. Immediately, Alex stopped and looked into the detective's eyes as her world stood still.

"Everything is fine. It's only 8:40. I will call and let them know we might be a little late. I feel like walking—is that ok with you, beautiful?" Olivia spoke slowly and calmly, and Alex melted into the sound of her voice. Olivia Benson was calling _her _beautiful—everything in her world was right.

Alex shook her head to redirect her thoughts. She couldn't speak, but gazed into the detective's eyes and smiled. She nodded her head as she located Olivia's gym shoes. She walked over and asked Olivia to sit down, as she placed the shoes on the ottoman. Olivia did as she was told, but when Alex started to place the shoes on her feet, she stopped her.

"Alex, I can put my shoes on myself. You shouldn't have to do that. I'm good babe. You just wait a second for me and we will be good to go."

"Babe?" The attorney stepped back as she asked, and looked down into Olivia's eyes, crossing her arms in front of her chest, playfully.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Is that not ok?"

"Actually," she thought for a second, "it sounds great," the attorney said as she smiled and blushed.

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Therapy was going well, or at least Alex thought it was. She waited patiently for Olivia to finish up, and when the detective emerged from the activity room, the sling and brace were off, and Olivia's arm was hanging by her side, normally. She located Alex and started to walk towards her, with the physical therapist in tow.

"Hi," Olivia said with a smile as Alex stood to meet her.

"Hi," Alex answered back, as she rubbed the detective's upper arm.

"This is Mark. He's my physical therapist. He said he wanted to talk to you." Olivia deferred to the tall, muscular man and he spoke to Alex enthusiastically, but gently and with great understanding.

"Hi, I told the detective that due to her muscular structure and the nature of her job, of course she is in much better shape than the average Joe, so I think we can be a little more aggressive with her treatment than I typically would be. I asked if someone would be with her, and she said you would—is that correct?"

Alex smiled on the inside, but was all about the business on the outside. She liked the thought of Olivia knowing that Alex would be with her—for now, and for as long as she wanted her. The lawyer in her came out in full force, and she easily answered the question. Her eyes traveled to Olivia and then back to Mark.

"Yes, that's correct."

"Ok cool. I just wanted to make sure that if we are going to choose this intensive therapy option, she will have someone that will be supportive and be able to help her if she needs it." Alex nodded in understanding. "Ok, then. Here is a sheet of the exercises we did today, but she needs to get her stitches out today. I checked them and they look good, so I made an appointment for her back here at 11. Will that work for you both?"

Alex checked her watch and nodded. "Sure, we can grab some lunch and be back here then." She paused for a second but then started to speak again. "Are you sure she is OK get them out? It's only been a few days…Will it hurt her?"

Mark smiled at this question and took Alex's hand in his.

"She will be fine. I have checked them and they look good…the sutures they used to sew her up are a new material. They help heal wounds quickly and are really effective. Now I understand why she is so happy to have you around—you obviously care about her a lot. You've taken great care of her so far. If it hurts her, I can always give her a local anesthetic when we take the stitches out."

Olivia smiled at Alex and looked back at Mark with a satisfied look. "I told you I'd be fine. I just want to be back in working order by September. I'm ready to work hard for my recovery to be 100%."

"What's in September?" Both Olivia and Mark asked this question in unison.

Olivia smiled. "Jeeze, guys. I just want to be able to start the new month as good as I was before." Knowing it was already mid-August, Olivia knew this would be a tall order, but was dedicated to being back busting perps by September.

"Well detective, the good news is that your joint and bone weren't _completely _broken all the way through, but the bone was shattered on the top, so it will take a little bit of time. I'm going to say 4-6 weeks before you'll be feeling 100%."

Olivia looked from Mark to Alex and had a simple response. "We'll see."

Alex knew that determined look, and would have bet her life savings that Olivia would be off the desk in less time than he had anticipated.

"See you in an hour or so," Mark said as they walked out of the office.

"How was it? I was worried because when we woke up this morning, I realized you never took that pain medication last night before you fell asleep," Alex asked in a concerned voice.

"I'm fine, Al. Just a little sore." She smiled as she said this, and the attorney held the door open for her to walk out onto the sidewalk. As Olivia reached the edge of the threshold, Alex wrapped her in her arms and placed a soft kiss on her lips, the door automatically shutting behind them.

"Wh- what was that fo…," the detective stuttered as Alex placed her finger on her lips.

"You are so brave, Olivia. I just want you to know that. I used to get up every day and wonder where you were or what you were doing, but now, I get up and thank God, with every fiber of my being, that I can be near you. You've saved my life Olivia, both literally and figuratively." As she spoke, she held Olivia's elbows, being gentle with her injured arm, as the detective wrapped her arms around the attorney's back.

Olivia ducked her head and blushed. She was embarrassed, but Alex was confident in holding her hand to cross the street, and gave her a few minutes to think.

"You feel like bagels?" Olivia asked as they strolled casually down the street, careful to keep Olivia's injured shoulder on the inside of the street, hopefully lessening the probability of someone knocking into her.

"That sounds good, baby." Alex hadn't meant to say it, but it slipped out so naturally that neither one of them minded. Olivia smiled as Alex opened the door. They ordered and sat down at a small table in the back of the deli, ate their bagel sandwiches, and went over therapy exercises, until Olivia changed the subject.

"So, not to put a label on this…" her hand motioned between the two of them and she began smile slyly, "but can I take a little pride in being able to call you my girlfriend now, counselor?" As she spoke, Olivia smiled and winked at Alex, effectively melting the attorney's heart.

"I think that would be the best label I've ever been labeled with, detective." They both laughed and smiled at one another.

"Better than the Ice Queen?" Olivia smiled and looked questioningly into Alex's eyes.

"Oh yes. Better than Ice Queen, Teflon, and my personal favorite, crazy bitch." Alex laughed and remembered each of these names fondly, however, she had to admit that her new label, as 'Olivia Benson's Girlfriend,' was her favorite.

Alex took Olivia's hand in her own and held it across the table. They passed more time talking, and an hour later, they were back at the physical therapy office.

Mark was waiting for them, and escorted them to an exam room. He called in one of his nurses, who delicately removed Olivia's shirt and examined her two wounds. Mark and the nurse then left the room to let Olivia prepare for the removal of her stitches.

Since she didn't have a bra on, Olivia was slightly embarrassed and held her arm and hands over her bare breasts. Although Alex would have loved to stare, she averted her eyes, and instead, handed Olivia a sanitary paper shirt she saw in the corner, and helped Olivia wrap it around her torso.

Mark and the nurse entered again and began to speak to Olivia. "How are you feeling, detective? I know therapy earlier was a little rough."

"I'm good. A little sore, but feeling ok."

"Alright. Patrick is going to start removing your sutures, then. You may feel a little pulling and some pressure, but if you feel any pain, please let me know. I know you've had stitches before, but I tell people all the time—it's easiest if you don't watch."

Olivia nodded and looked toward Alex. She was sitting in a chair to the left of the exam table, which was convenient because the stitches were on Olivia's right side. She felt a slight tugging and pulling, and winced in pain a few times, but Alex kept her eye contact, looking at her sympathetically. A few minutes later, the nurse was done, as he smiled at Olivia.

"Looks good, detective. Try not to get shot again." They all laughed, as Mark dismissed Patrick.

"Ok, Olivia. So here it is—your stitches are out, so this therapy structure can begin. I want a standing appointment with you on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays at 9AM. Will that work? It'll need to be about an hour, so we can ice you before you go. This week though, I want you to come back tomorrow to see how you're reacting to what we did today."

"Yeah. That'll be fine. I'll be riding a desk for a while once I go back anyways."

"Ok. For now though, no brace until bed. No over working, but no babying either." With this last comment, he turned towards Alex and lifted his eyebrows. "It will be very important for her to do the prescribed exercises twice a day, and use ice for pain or inflammation. No babying her, but please call me if she is having any pain. It's crucial that she doesn't overcompensate with her other arm and get used to not using this one. If she needs to do something and can't, please let her try before doing it for her."

Alex nodded, and said they would call if they needed anything. After they had thanked Mark, he left the room and Olivia called Alex over to help with her shirt. She dropped the sanitary shirt and reached for her cotton one as she looked at Alex. The attorney was averting her eyes out of respect for Olivia when the detective spoke.

"Don't like what you see, counselor?" There was a taunting tone to Olivia's voice. She opened her arms, palms up, and raised her eyebrows when she saw Alex glance at her breasts.

Alex let out a moan and a sound. It wasn't exactly a word, but it was something between 'ummph' and 'yum.' "Oh. Of course I like what I see, detective. I was just trying to be…" Alex searched for the word she needed. Normally, she could easily supply five or six synonyms for any given word, but now, she was having trouble thinking of any, as she was seeing Olivia's bare breasts in front of her. "…respectable."

She placed her hands on Olivia's sides, looking into the detective's eyes. It had been so long since she had actually seen Olivia's full breasts in real life. She often saw them in her dreams and memories of the night they had ravaged each other so many years ago. She didn't want to look too long—after all, they had only made their feelings known to each other the night before.

"You make respectability sound…disrespectful," Olivia laughed. "Maybe we can work on some of these exercises…together." Her eyebrows raised and her tone reached a whisper as she placed her hands around to the small of Alex's back and kissed the attorney hungrily, nibbling on Alex's bottom lip as they separated.

"Ooh. That sounds intriguing. BUT, none of _this_" Alex was close enough that, when she wagged her finger between the two of them, her finger touched them both, "is happening until you are healed," Alex commanded as she helped pull Olivia's shirt over her bare torso.

"Really!?" Olivia exclaimed as Alex responded.

"Really," the attorney spoke softly, as she ran her fingers up and down Olivia's arms. "It will happen when it happens…although I would absolutely be lying if I said I'm not thinking about it right now, but what is most important is that you get healthy and strong again."

"Whatever you say, counselor," Olivia responded as she stood up and looked at Alex. They both laughed as they walked out of the office. There was that determined look again, Alex noticed, but she just laughed it off.

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When they reached the apartment at the end of the hall, Alex took Olivia's keys out of her purse and unlocked her door. She wasn't inside for three seconds when Olivia turned around and pushed her against the door, effectively shutting the door and taking the attorney's breath away. Olivia gripped Alex's biceps above her elbows and applied light pressure back towards the door. Alex was happy to be submissive to the detective, as she reveled in her strength. Even with Olivia's bad arm, she was still leaps and bounds stronger than the detective, and easily led her where she wanted her to be.

Olivia seized Alex's lips as the attorney gasped for air. She moved her hands away from Alex's arms and gripped her hips, as their bodies smashed together against the door. A warm wave rushed through the blonde as she seized Olivia's face with both hands. The detective opened her mouth and slipped her tongue into Alex's as Alex massaged hers along with Olivia's.

Alex tasted Olivia's mouth for the first time in years, and she knew she couldn't get enough of it, but also knew they needed to stop. Alex applied light pressure to Olivia's face and pushed her away. She gazed into the detective's golden eyes, as she tried to catch her breath.

"Olivia." _Kiss. _"We have to." _Kiss. _"Stop."

Olivia heard her, but didn't want to acknowledge what Alex was saying. She wrapped her arms around Alex's waist and rested her forehead on the attorney's. They looked into each other's eyes before Alex began to speak.

"I hope you know how much I want to…" Alex's eyes traced over the detective's breasts, and moved her gaze to her lips and back up to her eyes again.

"But…?" Olivia asked this question with a groan, as she knew Alex would have a reason that she couldn't get around.

"But, as hard as it is to resist you, I need you to work on your physical therapy and get closer to a normal recovery before we go any further. Not just so we have to wait to be together, but also so you don't reinjure yourself before you go back to work. I know you hate working the desk and I just want to make sure you're happy when you go back, and you're ready to be out in the field…and, if I have to wait for…" Alex's eyes trailed back down to Olivia's breasts and eyed her lips hungrily.

Olivia leaned closer to the attorney and whispered in her ear, laying her cheek on the blonde's as her voice dripped with sex in the attorney's ear. "Or…we could just…not…wait." She moved her mouth down to Alex's earlobe and kissed lightly, working her way down the attorney's slender neck, finally resting on her collarbone.

Alex leaned back towards the door, arching her back to be closer to Olivia's touch. She tried to resist with her body, but it was no secret that Olivia's touch rendered her entire being useless. However, she began to speak slowly as she looked into the detective's eyes.

"I'll make you a deal, detective. We stop now, and when you've done enough therapy that you can do a push up, we can go." She paused and kissed Olivia's cheek. "We can go all…night…"

She watched as Olivia's pupils dilated, the black devouring the brown. She smiled and placed a slow, deliberate kiss on Olivia's lips, as they parted—Olivia to the couch and Alex to the kitchen table, placing all of their belongings on it before curling up next to Olivia on the couch.

Many minutes had passed in silence before Alex spoke.

"Liv?"

"Yeah?"

"I can't begin to tell you how happy I am that I'm back, and even more so that we are…," she paused, as she took Olivia's hand in her own, "together." She smiled as she continued to speak. "But, I've missed you so much. Tell me what has been going on since I've been gone. It was so hard for me to not call you, not email, or have any contact with you. Every day I thought about you—how you were doing, if you were safe…It just hurt not to be in your life everyday, and I now understand that I had taken advantage of having you around." She paused and motioned to the window. "Plus, it looks like a day to stay inside and snuggle up to you and catch up."

Olivia looked outside as Alex pulled a blanket towards them. Rain was drizzling down the window and the sky had turned from a blue to a dark grey color. Olivia smiled as Alex leaned on her left side.

"What do you want to know?" Olivia asked this question, knowing that it was leaving her extremely vulnerable, as Alex's lawyer senses were peaking.

"Anything…I'm just happy to be back around, but I want to know what I missed."

"Well, there was a lot. You know how the job is Alex."

"Well don't start with the job then…tell me about you."

"I am the job. You know that."

"Well, when I saw you at that club a few weeks ago you definitely were not 'the job.'" Alex used air quotes and smiled up at Olivia.

"Ok. That's true. I guess I'd say I was making some bad decisions, and we've already talked about Hope—nothing more to say."

Alex could tell that the detective was getting a little touchy. She reached over and placed her hand on Olivia's thigh. "Ok. We don't have to talk. I just miss being around you." Alex nuzzled up to Olivia's neck and inhaled. "You smell so good," Alex said in a seductive tone, her voice an octave lower than normal.

"I thought we weren't starting that," Olivia smiled and placed a kiss on Alex's head.

"You're right…I have to tell you though, Liv, I have never seen you look as sexy as you have in the past few weeks. Maybe it's just because I knew I couldn't get what I wanted, but you've made it really hard for me to stay away," Alex spoke huskily, placed a kiss on her lips, and smiled.

"Speaking of hard to stay away…" Olivia didn't know if she should continue, but Alex started speaking before the detective started again.

"I already know what you're going to say, and yes, we can go tomorrow."

Olivia smiled at the attorney. They relaxed into the couch and turned on the TV. An hour later they were napping, tangled in each other.

They had stayed inside the apartment all day, watching TV, working on Olivia's exercises, and ordering takeout. Alex spent most of the day checking her email and trying to get back into the swing of working, emailing Casey Novak and Elizabeth Donnelley thanking both of them for their support and for taking the reigns at SVU while she was out. However, around 9:45, Alex noticed that admiring Olivia had taken up most of her day.

The brunette detective was reclining in her grey suede chair, her legs propped up on the matching ottoman. She was wearing those tortoise-rimmed glasses with her hair in a ponytail. She held 'East of Eden' in her left hand, reading quietly while she was twirling a pen in her right hand. From time to time, she would circle, underline, or scrawl something on the pages. Alex realized that she had never been more in love with anyone, and that Olivia was the most stunningly beautiful woman she had ever seen.

Olivia noticed Alex looking at her a few times, but she was just as guilty of staring back at the attorney. She had missed Alex—not only when she was in WITSEC, but in the past few months when she had tried to create distance between the two of them. Alex was so beautiful, and it seemed even now, as she was slaving over her emails, that she was radiating beauty. Olivia had often fantasized about having Alex here, in her new apartment: doing laundry, cooking dinner, and doing dishes together. Olivia must have been staring at Alex when the attorney caught her gaze.

"You look tired," Alex said.

Olivia snapped out of her trance and placed the pen inside one of her favorite books. "Yeah. I am actually pretty tired." She closed the book and placed it back in the bookshelf and walked over to Alex. She gently closed the top of Alex's laptop and spoke softly to her. "Let's go to bed."

Minutes later, Alex helped Olivia put her brace on, after she had showered herself and put on her own pajamas—she was feeling proud of herself.

"See? I'm good!" Olivia exclaimed as she touched Alex's creamy skin above her belly button. She smoothed her hand around to the attorney's back and pulled her close with her uninjured arm. Alex was in the middle of changing her shirt, her blue lace bra in full view for the detective. Olivia glanced down to her breasts and back up at Alex with a cocked eyebrow. Alex was completely submissive, falling like a noodle in the detective's strong arm. She could feel Olivia's bicep and forearm flexing around her, holding her tightly to her own body.

"You are getting there, detective. We just need to take it slow. You can't reinjure yourself. Not just for your job, but I'm actually a little scared of Mark, too."

"What!? THE Alexandra Cabot, ADA, Ice Queen, is scared of someone!?"

They both laughed and Olivia let go and laid down in the bed, watching Alex change into her pajamas, fantasizing about the attorney's body. Alex stayed modest, turning away from Olivia so nothing was revealed. She put some lotion on her face and started to walk down the hallway.

"Hey! Where are you going?" Olivia asked this question because she was truly confused. Alex stopped halfway down the hallway, turned back towards the bedroom and gave Olivia a questioning look.

"What do you mean? I'm going out to the couch."

"Alex…are you serious? I want you to sleep in here with me…I thought we were…?"

With a smile, Alex bounded to the bed, throwing the covers back and placing a kiss on the detective's lips. "I'm sorry baby. You're right. We are…but I didn't want to be presumptuous."

Olivia laid on her back, pillows propping her to her comfort. Alex curled up next to Olivia, placing her hand over the detective's stomach, expecting to find a soft, yet defined patch of skin. She ran her hand under Olivia's cotton shirt and rubbed her stomach, meaning to be comforting, but instead found rock hard abs, and stopped from shock.

"Jesus Christ, Olivia. How much do you actually work out? I don't remember you being this muscular…" she ran her hand up and down Olivia's abs, feeling the muscles ripple under her hand, as passion burned in her core.

"Well, you'll just have to wait and see. The last time you saw me naked was many, many years ago, counselor…Sweet dreams, Al." Olivia pushed Alex's hand away and lowered her shirt back down, teasing Alex.

Olivia placed a kiss on Alex's cheek, and, with a smile, drifted off to sleep. Alex was still shocked, but managed to snuggle up to the detective and sleep soundly through the night, dreaming of the woman that she could finally say she was completely in love with.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

**Defend**

It was 7:30AM when Olivia walked through the open door of the 1-6 with Alex closely behind her. She knew she needed to show her face, and needed to make sure everything was ok with the cases she was working. Quickly, a chorus of welcoming words greeted her, and when Fin saw her, he rose to his feet and clapped his hands—the rest of the squad joined in. Alex watched like a proud peacock as Olivia shushed and thanked everyone, holding up her hands and waving people off.

Elliot approached Alex and Olivia, giving his partner a hug, and wrapping Alex into the embrace.

"How are you? Thanks for taking good care of her. No brace already?" Elliot was speaking hurriedly, needy for information.

"I'm good, El. Yes, Alex has been taking good care of me," Olivia reached out and placed her hand over Alex's upper arm, stroking it lovingly. "No brace—intensive therapy 3 days a week, so hopefully I can be back soon."

Elliot noticed the affectionate touch and smiled, looking between the two of them. He moved closer to them both, motioning with his hand, and closing the gap in the tight triangle, lowering his voice to a whisper.

"I'm glad you two finally figured this out."

They both smiled at Elliot as Olivia turned to walk to her desk. She looked over her case files and smiled, as her fellow detectives had closed all of them out in the past few days. She sorted through each file, placing them away, until she reached the folder on the bottom, marked 'Kaley Adams.' She subconsciously felt a pain in her shoulder, but smiled softly because she knew Kaley was home with her family and would be ok.

Her smile shortly faded, though, when she saw Alex's face turn from a friendly gaze in conversation with Elliot to the Ice Queen glare. She wasn't sure what Alex was looking at, but quickly followed her stare, and her mood fell greatly when she saw what Alex was seeing.

Ed Tucker, the IAB sergeant, was standing in Cragen's office. Elliot and Alex convened on Olivia's desk as Elliot nodded in the captain's direction. "I meant to tell you about that…"

"Did they already talk to you?" Olivia looked down and noticed Elliot's gun on his hip. "Seems like you are good….right?"

"Yeah, they grilled me the morning after it happened. It was actually pretty straightforward, though. I know they're tired of talking to us, so I think they got the story from Cragen and just confirmed with me." Elliot paused and turned towards Cragen's office. With a nod of his head he said, "looks like it's your turn, now."

Tucker was walking out of Cragen's office, flanked by his partner and Captain Cragen. Cragen offered Olivia a warm embrace and looked from Olivia to Elliot. "Liv, sergeant Tucker wants to talk to you about Carlson. Everyone here is cleared so far, so it's really not a huge deal, but they just want to make sure that everything went by the book," he turned to Tucker, "Room 1 ok?"

Tucker nodded and headed that way. Cragen, Alex, Olivia, and Elliot were left in a small circle as Alex spoke hurriedly. "I'm going in with Liv for representation. I don't foresee them going this route, but neither of you said anything about…" she motioned between herself and Olivia, "this…right?"

Cragen looked between Alex and Olivia. "No. Because, technically, we didn't know anything about it until…well…right now."

Elliot jumped in. "Yeah, people jump in front of bullets for other people all the time, especially on the force. There's no reason for them to suspect anything." He moved closer to the two women and pointed his finger. "Now, I'll tell you both right now that if you two screw this up, I'm done with the both of you. I'm not working with a heartbroken partner or a shitty ADA anymore." They all smiled as Alex looked from Olivia to the others.

"We should probably go see Tucker," Alex said to Olivia. "And, as much as I hate to say it, we should probably disclose our relationship."

"No, not right now," Olivia said. "Alex, I'm proud of you and proud to be with you babe, but, especially with IAB, I'm not eager to disclose something that might move us away from each other—not right now. I'm not ready."

Alex smiled and started to walk toward the interrogation room. Olivia winked at her and followed closely behind. Alex opened the door and held it open for the detective as she passed through.

"Sergeant Tucker. I'm Alex Cabot, assistant district attorney." Alex reached her hand out and shook Tucker's hand. "Detective Benson hasn't asked for union representation, but since I'm here, I'd like to sit in and make sure we can close this out today." Her tone was authoritative, yet understanding, as if she was convincing him that everything would be taken care of today.

Tucker looked from Alex to Olivia, turned on the voice recorder, and began to speak.

"This is Sergent Edward Tucker, the 9th of August, 8:22AM, Special Victims Unit. Detective Olivia Benson and ADA Alexandra Cabot in attendance."

"Detective Benson, your partner has already given us the rundown of what happened on the night of August 2nd and morning of August 3rd, and your captain has independently confirmed it. I need you to tell me your version of the events once you arrived at the gas station to meet Stabler and Cragen."

Olivia looked at Alex, who nodded for her to answer, and then began. "My partner, Elliot Stabler, called my cell phone and instructed myself and ADA Cabot to meet them at a gas station a few miles from the cabin. We met, dressed, loaded our weapons, and put together a plan. From there, the four of us rode in the same squad car up the hill to the cabin we believed to be holding Carlson and Kaley." Olivia took a breath and continued. Alex could tell that this event had taken a toll on her, as she hadn't really spoken in depth about it since it happened. Still, the attorney listened intently.

"We made our way up the hill and exited the car. We met with the local police and decided how to go about securing Kaley."

Tucker interrupted. "Ok, and what was that plan?"

"We were instructed that Elliot and myself would take the lead. We were to charge the cabin, opening the front door, securing Kaley and allowing SWAT and the local PD to deal with Carlson."

"And what happened when you got out of the car?"

"Myself and Detective Stabler approached the front of the lawn, while ADA Cabot and Captain Cragen went around to the side of the house, protecting them both from any activity. It was at this point that Kaley came out of the house and was making her way towards a chair on the porch. For some reason, then, she saw my partner and went inside immediately." Olivia paused at this point in the story, obviously shaken by the memory.

"How did you feel when Kaley went back inside?"

Alex interrupted. "I don't think that's relevant."

Olivia held up her hand, directing a sympathetic look at Alex, not wanting to create waves with IAB. She knew that as long as she answered all of the questions, this case would be closed easily. It was a clean shoot, and Olivia knew that.

"I was upset. I had thought about running and grabbing her, putting her in a car and then dealing with Carlson. But, I knew it wouldn't be safe. I was conflicted, upset, and worried that she would tip him off."

"Ok. Let's talk about the shooting. _Your_ shooting, detective. I don't expect you to remember your partner shooting Carlson."

"Ok." Olivia didn't offer any information, and it seemed that Tucker was surprised. Alex stepped in protectively.

"Is there a specific question you wanted to ask?"

"Detective, could you just run me through what you remember happening before he took a shot?"

"After Kaley went back inside, it wasn't a minute before Carlson busted out of the door, holding Kaley in a chokehold, with a rifle in one hand and his handgun in the other. He began to engage in dialogue with my partner, and became very agitated. It was at this point that he turned on the lights above the cabin, effectively blinding everyone for a few seconds. At this point, I heard some rustling around the side of the house and looked over to see Cragen and ADA Cabot making their way out to the front of the lawn, behind myself and my partner."

Olivia continued, visibly emotional at this point in the story, with tears welling behind her eyes. "As they took their place behind us, Carlson made a quick movement to release Kaley. As he dropped his rifle, I checked the coverage of Cragen and Cabot. He must have seen me, because in that moment he raised his handgun and pointed towards the both of them. The last thing I remember was jumping to my right to protect wherever he was shooting—I didn't know if they had seen him raise his weapon."

Tucker looked at Olivia with investigative eyes. "Ok. So, the specifics I didn't get from your partner or captain…how many times were you shot? And please describe your injuries."

"I was shot twice—once through the collarbone and joint in my shoulder, and once through the trapezius muscle. I required surgery to fix the joint connecting my collarbone to my shoulder, and required some hardware to put my bone back together."

"Isn't it protocol to wear your vest in situations like this?" Tucker asked this question judgmentally.

"I was wearing my vest. The area of the injury is thin and flexible on the vest, so it will fit over your shoulders and around to your back. The vest probably saved my life."

Tucker looked from Olivia to Alex and asked the last question. "Ok. Thanks for your statement, Benson. Is there anything else either of you want to say about this incident?"

Olivia looked at Alex, who shook her head, as Olivia spoke. "No, I think that's it."

"Thanks detective. Feel better. You should speak to your Captain about your assignment for the next few weeks."

Tucker turned off the recorder and packed up his belongings. He looked at Olivia and began to speak, as he was packing. "Detective, everything looks good. I normally wouldn't say this, but don't worry about IAB—everything looks clean." He smiled shyly at the detective as he walked around the table. He made sure to pat her on her uninjured arm and spoke, as he exited the room. "You're a hero, detective Benson." The door shut as Alex looked over to Olivia.

"It's finally good to hear someone else say something that you've known all along…you're a hero, baby." They both smiled at each other as Olivia blushed deeply. They rose from the chairs and walked back into the squad room, finding Cragen in his office. They both entered and shut the door.

"Captain, Tucker said I should speak to you about my assignment…?"

"Liv, I want you to take some personal time." He looked from Alex to Olivia and started speaking again. "I know you're going to say no, and I know you want to get back as soon as possible, but I think some time away will help you recover."

"How long?"

"However long you think you need. And, one more thing—when you come back, you two are gonna need to disclose your relationship."

"That's no problem, captain. I'll take a few days now and see how I feel. I'll call you. Thanks." She crossed the room and gave him a hug. Although she was upset that she had to take time off, she was grateful for the captain's support.

"Olivia, sweetie, we've gotta get you to therapy—we should go. I want to stop by Donnelly's office on the way out." Alex approached Olivia and rubbed her back, lovingly as she was speaking. Cragen smiled at the both of them and put his hand on each of their arms, pushing them closely together.

"Be good to one another, and take care of each other. Enjoy your time off."

They began to exit the office, but Cragen spoke again. "Oh, wait!" He motioned to Elliot and waited for him to come in the office. "You two and myself will have to attend a press conference tomorrow about the case. 1PP, 9AM, dress blues." Olivia and Elliot looked at one another, questioningly. Cragen seemed to notice and spoke again. "Guys! Just be there. See you then."

After exiting Cragen's office, Olivia and Alex said goodbye to the rest of the detectives and exited the precinct. A few minutes later, they encountered Judge Donnelly on her way to court.

"Alex! My god, when I heard what happened I felt so guilty that I made you go. I'm so sorry, Alex. I haven't texted or called you because I figured you were busy." She hugged Alex as she apologized profusely.

"Liz, it's fine. It actually ended up being…"Alex paused before trying to figure out what she was saying, "a blessing in disguise." As she said this, she placed her hand on the small of Olivia's back, looking to Liz and back at Olivia.

"I see. Well, detective Benson, I must say that I've always liked you, and I'm eternally grateful for you protecting Alex…take care of her."

Olivia smiled and gave a simple response, "I will."

Alex quickly started speaking, "Liz, listen, I know I've got some time saved up and I was thinking tha—"

Judge Donnelly stopped her and started speaking. "Take as much as you want. You don't have any open cases and Casey is taking care of SVU. Just call me if you need anything." She quickly looked into Alex's eyes and over to Olivia. "You two just take care of that arm…I've gotta get to court."

Alex turned to Olivia and smiled. "You ready for therapy?"

"Yeah…Alex listen, you didn't have to—"

"Stop. I don't want to hear it. I love you Olivia, and I want to spend every minute of every day with you…especially now. Liv, it's no big deal."

They smiled at each other and walked out onto the sidewalk to hail a cab. As they got in, Olivia's phone buzzed.

_Love you Liv. So happy you and Cabot finally figured things out. Let me know if you need anything, ok? And don't worry about work—I know you. I can hold it down….but what the hell is this press conference about?_

She smiled as she replied to Elliot.

_Thanks, El. Love you too. You're the best…and, I have no idea. Hoping it won't be a huge deal. Just wanna move on._

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As Alex walked back into the detective's apartment, she noticed that Olivia was particularly worn out from her therapy session. She placed her belongings on the table and followed Olivia to the couch. She knelt before Olivia on the floor and removed her gym shoes, unlacing and delicately taking them off of her feet. She began to place them on the side of the couch when she felt a soft touch on the top of her head. She looked up to see the beautiful brunette detective beckoning her up to the couch. Alex stood up as Olivia closed her eyes and placed her hands on the blonde's hips, pulling her closer to the couch. When Alex's toes hit the bottom of the couch, Olivia continued to pull, causing Alex to collapse, her knees straddling the detective's thighs, and looking into those golden brown eyes face to face.

Olivia continued to hold the blonde on her hips. She leaned her head back and met Alex's blue eyes, as she started to speak.

"Thank you for helping me today, with IAB and everything." She said this as she moved her hands up and down the attorney's body, eyeing every inch of the blonde, and effectively flushing Alex's cheeks.

"You didn't think I'd let you go in there alone, did you?" Alex asked this question playfully, obviously not expecting a response. She was like a lioness hunting her prey—the words dripped out of her mouth as she smirked at Olivia, acting like she needed to protect her new love from the preying eyes of IAB. She took Olivia's face into her hands, with a wondering look. "Hey, I love this, Liv, but this position has gotten us into some...umm…trouble in the past." She gave Olivia a mischievous look as Olivia returned a questioning one. "The taxi…?"

"Oh, yeah." Olivia smiled, but continued to hold Alex on her lap, trying to memorize every inch of her body with her hands. She moved her delicate, yet strong hands from the pockets of Alex's jeans in towards her stomach, and to the small dip below her breasts. As her hands traveled back down, she untucked Alex's t-shirt from her pants and slid her hands underneath the shirt, claiming Alex's skin as her own. Both of their hearts beat faster, as Alex's head fell backwards and a moan escaped her lips.

"Oh Liv," the attorney didn't mean to moan out Olivia's name, but she couldn't resist. Her skin had grown hot with Olivia's touch, and she yearned for more of the detective. She reached down and grabbed Olivia's hands, pressing them both onto her breasts, and desperately leaned down to kiss the detective. She let go of Olivia's hands and reached for the detective's face. She pressed a hot, wet kiss against Olivia's mouth and forced it open with her tongue. Olivia responded and massaged her tongue around the attorney's, pulling her closer with every thrust from Alex.

With her left hand, Olivia reached behind Alex and unclasped her bra. She grabbed the attorney behind her neck and pulled her head onto her left shoulder, near her neck. She trailed kisses down Alex's neck, licking its full length. Alex moaned into Olivia's uninjured shoulder, and whispered into her ear.

"Oh. My god Olivia." She whimpered as she kissed the front of Olivia's neck, feeling the vibration on her neck as Olivia moaned. The detective threw her head back on the back of the couch. She reached behind the attorney and pulled her shirt and bra off, with Alex assisting her. The attorney's small, perky breasts stood at full attention, yearning for Olivia's touch.

Olivia looked into Alex's eyes, asking for permission. The attorney took off her glasses and leaned back to place them on the coffee table behind her. When she pulled herself forward towards Olivia, the detective met her bare chest with an open mouth, kissing the area between her breasts. She pressed her hands against the attorney's back, pushing her chest closer. Alex's breath hitched in anticipation, as Olivia reached up to grasp Alex's breasts. She cupped the attorney's small breast in her hands and she sighed lovingly, knowing the blonde above her would stop her advancing any further. She looked up at Alex as the blonde began speaking.

"As much as I love this…"

Olivia interrupted, pouting her lip. "I knew you were going to stop me."

"Baby, I _really_ want this, but I want you to be ok when we do…uh, God, you're so cute when you pout." Alex leaned down and took the detective's face in her hands. She stroked Olivia's cheek with her thumbs and looked into her brown eyes. "I really can't explain how I feel about you Olivia—sometimes 'I love you' just doesn't seem like enough."

Olivia started to respond, but Alex shut her up with a kiss. She got off of Olivia's lap and put her t-shirt back on, folding her bra and putting it on the laundry basket, on top of Olivia's clothes.

The detective started to wonder what was up with Alex. That was two times that Alex had opened the door for Olivia to tell her that she loved her also, but then stopped her. Olivia was becoming slightly concerned, but brushed it off to worry about it another time.


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: Thanks to everyone, again for reading and reviewing, as well as following and favoriting! Well, here it is! This is the last chapter that I have written as of now-no more multiple updates every night. lol! But, from here, I will be able to write new chapters with awesome and creative input from everyone who has read. Thank you again, and I hope you enjoy!

I'm excited for what I have in store for Alex and Olivia, and I hope you are too. Of course, I want to put a small warning out there that there WILL BE some AO loving ahead, and probably a LOT, at that. As always, please let me know your thoughts on this chapter, and where we should go from here.

**Chapter 15**

**Honor**

It was 7:15AM when Olivia woke up to the aroma of fresh coffee. She opened her eyes and found Alex's side of the bed empty. The night before had been an early one—Olivia noticed that they were in bed by 9PM, wrapped in each other's arms. She and Alex talked a little, mostly about nonsense, before Olivia noticed Alex's breathing even off and felt her grow heavier in her arms. It was no time before the detective was fast asleep as well, holding her whole world in her arms.

Olivia turned her head and rested it on the next pillow, still smelling the sweet mix of Alex's shampoo and her perfume. She heard Alex speaking to someone on the phone, and decided to listen, not moving so Alex didn't know she was awake.

"Absolutely, captain. We'll be there a little early..."

"Oh…are you sure, Don? Will that be ok? Of course I would love to give the speech, but I just want to make sure that won't be looked down upon by anyone involved."

"Ok-no problem. I won't say a word. Thanks for the heads up, as well. It takes a long time to put myself together. HA!...See you in a few hours Don."

Olivia's head swirled. Why was Alex talking to Cragen and what was she asking permission for? And why did she have to be dressy? She let these thoughts rest, but immediately she knew that this was not going to be a simple 'press conference.'

Alex walked back into the bedroom, and started to run the shower. She sat down on the bed and lightly touched Olivia's face.

"Hi baby."

The term of endearment made Olivia smile and lean into her touch.

"I was thinking…we both need to shower and be out of here by about 8:00. Captain Cragen wants me to go with you to the press conference, so I'll have to look as good as you in that uniform…" Alex's eyes traced over to the pressed uniform laying on a chair in the corner of the room. She always thought that Olivia had looked so sexy in the actual uniform—even though the detective rarely wore it, it was a sweet occasion when Alex would see Olivia in the dress blues.

"I thought maybe we could just shower together."

Olivia instantly felt heat burn in her core, and knew her pupils were dilating out of desire. She twisted a little in bed, trying to cover the wetness that had developed quickly between her legs. Her face focused on Alex's ass as the attorney turned around and started speaking. "I'll take that as a yes?"

Olivia rose out of bed and wiggled out of her brace. She moved towards the bathroom, beckoning Alex to follow her. Once both sets of feet met the cold, white tile, Olivia began her unplanned seduction.

She moved toward the attorney and reached around her to close the door. Quickly, the room began to steam, as Olivia looked into Alex's blue eyes. Carefully lowering herself to her knees, Olivia used her hands to trace down the attorney's body. She tugged gently at the drawstring on the attorney's silky pants, undoing the knot. The detective closed her eyes and reached around Alex's body, cupping her cheeks and massaging up and down the back of her legs.

Noticing a small bare strip of skin, Olivia nuzzled her head into the attorney's stomach, effectively moving the cotton shirt up Alex's body. Olivia took advantage of this small area of uncovered flesh, pressing her lips against it, and skimming her tongue gently over the waistband of Alex's pants, slowly moving her head horizontally across the attorney's abdomen.

Olivia could feel Alex's hand tangle in her hair, above her ponytail. Once Olivia started kissing her stomach, the attorney slowly let her head bounce back and land with a thud on the door. Olivia continued undressing the attorney torturously slowly. She tugged on the pants and they came down, Alex stepping out of them when they hit the floor. Olivia placed light, loving kisses on Alex's thighs and hips, and rose from her knees.

It was at this moment that they both connected intimately and seriously. They could see in one another's eyes that this was the answer—they found themselves in each other over the past few days, and they both knew it. Black pupils engulfed the attorney's blue eyes, as Olivia's burned with desire.

The detective softly pushed a piece of hair out of Alex's face and removed her steamy glasses, placing them on the sink. She turned back to the blonde and kissed her yearningly, and passionately as her hands slipped under the cotton t-shirt. Olivia could see Alex's erect nipples peeking through the fabric, as she massaged the ivory skin under the shirt.

Alex and Olivia maintained eye contact as the detective lifted the shirt over Alex's head with her good arm. Beads of sweat started to form on the blonde's brow, both from the intense craving and passionate actions of the two women, and because the detective had taken her time undressing her girlfriend, and the room had almost completely filled with steam.

Both of the women knew that this was a serious step. There was time for a strip tease, and there was a time for slow, passionate loving: there was no mistaking what this would be.

Olivia turned her attention to Alex's perfect body against the door, clad in baby blue cotton panties. As Olivia looked her over, she felt Alex's assertive hand on her hip, tracing inside her shirt, rubbing her abs as she kissed Olivia's neck. The detective could feel Alex's breasts pressed against her, and she craved to be naked against the attorney. Luckily, Alex had this same idea.

The blonde reached down and pulled the hem of the tshirt over one arm, sympathetically looking at the detective, not wanting to hurt her. Olivia quickly wriggled so that her shoulder didn't have to rotate too much, and pulled the shirt off of her arm and let it fall to the floor.

Their bodies slowly but deliberate melded together, each feeling the other's arms, necks, breasts, and abs without a barrier between them. Slow moans erupted from Alex's mouth, smothered by Olivia's neck as the detective kissed down her neck and Alex rested her mouth on Olivia's uninjured shoulder.

Olivia pulled away and looked into Alex's eyes. Both women had their eyelids only half open, in desire for the other's body. But, Olivia, without a word, was quickly granted permission to remove Alex's panties. As she sank back down to her knees, Alex let out a breath of air, and placed her hand lovingly on Olivia's head. The detective moved closer to Alex and took the waistband of her panties into her mouth, between her teeth, and pulled them down. As Alex noticed this, her core burned and grew soaked, convinced that she had never seen anything sexier in her life. Olivia traced her fingertips on the blonde's thighs, sending chills through Alex's spine.

Olivia stayed on her knees, kissing, nibbling, and licking the attorney's thighs, hips, and legs, until she felt delicate pressure on her back. She looked up as Alex beckoned her up. As she stood, Alex walked to the shower and opened the door for the detective. As she did, she removed Olivia's yellow lace panties and they both reveled in the other's naked body.

Alex grabbed Olivia by the hand and lightly pulled so they were both completely in the shower, standing naked under the hot water. She watched as water cascaded over Olivia's head and shoulders, streamed off her hard nipples, and rippled over her muscular legs. She couldn't help but touch Olivia, submerging the both of them under the water, when Olivia reached up and cupped Alex's face.

"Alex?" Her voice was lazy, reciting Alex's name lovingly.

"Yes baby?"

Olivia grabbed Alex possessively, but gently, moving them out of the water stream for a second, admiring the blonde attorney. She watched a bead of water move from her porcelain forehead, down to her chin and drop on her chest. Olivia delicately reached out to touch Alex's chin as she pulled it up to meet her face.

"I never thought that I would ever say this out loud, even to myself, but especially to you. Since you've been back, I've known something was different for me, and now I know what it is. I've tried to deny love for so long—from any source. Alex, I wasn't ready for it when it hit me, and it hit hard. I love you, Alexandra. I know now that I've always loved you, since the moment I saw you…" Olivia held Alex closer as she confessed this, barely over a whisper.

"And I'll never deny it again."

Alex's eyes filled with tears as she wrapped her hands around the detective's back, resting her head on the brunette's strong pecs.

"I love you Olivia…so much. I'm sorry things haven't been perfect between us, but I'm ready to make that right." She began to sob into Olivia's chest and her body shook with the forceful weeping, sniffling and heavy breathing.

"Alex? I'm sorry—did I say something wrong? I shouldn't have said anything babe—I'm sorry," Olivia spoke these words as she curiously lifted Alex's head and peered into her eyes, searching for an answer.

Alex pulled herself together, enough to make intelligible sentences come out of her mouth. "No. You should have…Liv, it's nothing. I just…I love you, Olivia."

Although Olivia knew that was an evasive answer, she told herself she'd remember to bring this up later. She moved on though.

"Me too, Alex. I'm ready to make this right too." The detective smiled down at her, as Alex tried to compose herself.

"Now…where were we?" Olivia smiled as she said this, and placed her hands back on Alex's hips suggestively. She knew Alex would deny her, especially after her emotional melt-down, but Olivia thought it would bring a smile to her face.

Alex half giggled, half smiled, and quickly engrossed herself in Olivia, leaving her emotions behind for the moment. "Oh no, detective! I strictly remember our deal."

"So wait…you brought me in here _just _to get a shower?"

"Well yes…and to see you naked. Which, I have to admit, is a sight." With this, Alex stepped back and admired Olivia's body, tracing over every inch with her eyes, as Olivia turned around and stood under the water.

"But, I'll wash you—since you're in here," Alex said, as she could tell that Olivia was somewhat disappointed in being lured under false pretenses.

Alex picked up the shower gel and poured a small amount into her hand, bypassing the loofah and the washcloth on the rack in the shower. She rubbed the gel between her hands and started at the base of Olivia's neck, rubbing in small circles, and continuing down her breasts to her abs and then her legs.

The feeling of Alex's hands on Olivia was something the detective had never felt before. Her body was both on fire, and shivering. As she stood under the water, Olivia wanted so badly to look down and memorize Alex's body, but, in this moment, she couldn't take her eyes off of the attorney's blue eyes. There was something so beautiful about Alex washing the detective in this way—so lovingly, so caring, and so sympathetically.

"See? I'm sticking to our pact. I could have easily taken advantage of you there, but I didn't!" Alex was almost laughing as she said this, as they both knew why she avoided the area between the detective's legs. Olivia quickly snapped out of her trance and turned and laughed as she washed Alex in the same manner.

After Alex helped Olivia wash her hair, they exited the shower, wrapping themselves in two plush towels.

"What time do we have to be at 1PP?" Olivia asked this question, knowing what Cragen had said the day before, but wanting to see what Alex said.

"8:15 baby." She was running a towel through her hair, gently squeezing water from it, as she looked up and saw Olivia standing in front of her.

"Why do I have to wear the dress blues?"

"I have no idea. Cragen's orders." Alex felt a little guilty lying to Olivia, but knew it would be worth it in due time.

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It was 8:22AM and Olivia and Alex were standing in the foyer of 1 Police Plaza. Olivia could barely take her eyes off of Alex—she was wearing a form fitting, yet modest, long sleeve red dress, cut right above her knees. She decided to put her hair in a tight bun, as it wasn't cooperating when she tried to wear it down. Olivia, of course, was wearing the standard issue dress blues of the NYPD. As Alex was admiring her, and imagining what they could do with those handcuffs, she saw Elliot walk through the door, Kathy in tow, and snapped out of her fantasy world.

"Wait a second…what is this?" She motioned to Kathy and asked Elliot as he walked through the front door and into the foyer. "Kathy, of course, I'm so happy to see you," Olivia hugged Kathy lovingly as she continued to speak "but I feel like we haven't gotten the full story…I just assumed Alex was forced to come because she's the ADA, but now that Kathy's here…"

Elliot took her hand and looked into Olivia's eyes. "Liv, I'm sure it's just a briefing or whatever, and maybe we'll get recognized for something. Kathy wouldn't say shit to me on the way here, either. I don't know how she even knew. I really don't think it's that big of a deal, but who the hell knows. I just can't stand this fucking uniform."

They both laughed and all 4 of them turned their attention to Donald Cragen, who was emerging from one of the rooms to the right of the foyer. He approached them and said hello, welcoming Kathy and Alex, as well as the two detectives.

Minutes later, Cragen ushered all of them into a large empty room with a podium and audience chairs. They all went behind the curtain on the stage to prepare for the conference when Kathy and Alex were told they could take a seat on the stage, and Cragen said he would be with them shortly. He turned to his detectives and began speaking.

"I know I normally don't lie to you two, but you'll figure it out anyway." They could hear the room filling up, and the familiar sound of clicking cameras and the press talking to one another, but Cragen continued. "You both have continued to go above and beyond the call of duty when working and caring for our victims. I want you both to be here, present, at this conference, so everyone can see how dedicated my detectives are, and how much they care about this city."

Elliot and Olivia both looked at each other questioningly as Cragen stepped in front of the curtain and began speaking to Alex and Kathy in a hushed tone. This was not something that Cragen would ever say. This comment left them both even more confused than they were to begin with.

"Ok—what the hell is going on here?" Olivia was confused, and didn't like not knowing what she was getting herself into.

"Well, I'm not sure, but I think…" The audience hushed as Elliot quieted his tone. All he was able to do was point above Olivia's breast, where the medals of the NYPD rested on the uniform. Her mouth opened in a silent 'no,' but as she thought more about it, Olivia thought her partner was probably right. And then, her heart swelled with pride as she heard Cragen begin to speak.

"Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for coming today. It is on this day that I am able to finally release some details to you about the case that everyone has been following for the past two weeks."Cragen took a breath and continued.

"On August 2nd, a young 14-year-old girl, Kaley Adams, was abducted from her school. She was bound, beaten, and drugged as she was taken to a secluded cabin outside of Rochester. Fortunately, we were able to ascertain this information and close in on the suspect the next day in the early morning. And, it is for this next reason that we are really all here today."

Behind the curtain Elliot and Olivia looked at one another in anticipation, as Cragen began speaking.

"Two of my unit's most decorated and skilled detectives, along with our ADA Alexandra Cabot," he nodded to Alex, who was sitting in a chair to his left, "and myself, met with local law enforcement and formulated a plan to rescue Kaley, and get her back to her family. However, when we reached the cabin, we encountered many problems that we did not foresee. Needless to say, both of my detective's acted selflessly, making sure to protect not only the victim, but everyone in their charge, and for that, I'd like to bring them out."

With that, the curtain opened and Olivia and Elliot were met with standing applause from the audience, and, in the front row, sat Kaley Adams and her mother, along with Munch and Fin.

They both stepped forward and were directed to sit to the left of Cragen, where a stand with 3 medals sat next to them. Elliot saw them and nodded with an 'I-told-you-so' look on his face.

Olivia sat down and looked at Alex, who smiled at her and stood, with a paper in her hand, to address the crowd. Olivia was surprised that Alex was speaking, given their new relationship, but she was sure that the attorney would keep things extremely professional, although, it was hard for the detective to take her eyes away from Alex. The dress was fitted exactly to every curve of her body, from her elbows and shoulders down to the swell of her ass. Olivia became aware of her eyes undressing the attorney and calmly turned back to look at the audience. She knew, now, why Alex had asked permission this morning on the phone—she wanted to make sure it would be ok for her to speak, and not Captain Cragen.

"Thank you Captain Cragen. For those of you that don't know me, I am Special Victim's Unit's ADA, Alexandra Cabot—Casey Novak couldn't be here today, but she is just as happy as we all are that these two outstanding detectives will get recognized for their hard work and dedication today." She turned and smiled at both of them before continuing.

"I have been working with this unit, on and off, for more than 5 years and in that time, I have never witnessed more selfless, caring, and noble actions from any detectives, anywhere. Not only do they protect each other's lives everyday, but they are also continually sacrificing themselves for the betterment of the victims in New York City. I'm lucky to call them co-workers, but even more fortunate to call them friends."

"You would be hard pressed to find two detectives more deserving of these medals than Elliot Stabler and Olivia Benson. In this particular situation, detectives Benson and Stabler showed extreme valor and courage, sacrificing their own lives over others. And for that, I am happy to present them both with these medals." She walked over to the tray and picked up the two identical medals—green with small yellow stars and displayed them to the crowd.

"An officer is deserving of this Medal of Honor when they execute 'acts of extraordinary bravery, intelligently performed in the line of duty at imminent and personal danger to life. Specifically, the Department Medal of Honor is awarded for acts of gallantry and valor performed with knowledge of the risk involved, above and beyond the call of duty.' Not only did both partners exemplify this on the night of August 2nd, but I witness them continually illustrate this every single day on the streets of New York City. For this, I am happy to be able to present these medals to detectives Stabler and Benson."

With this, she placed each medal back in their plush box, and handed them each to the detectives, with a swift shake of their hand and a smile for the cameras. When she touched Olivia's hand, they both knew it was business, but Alex couldn't help but linger in Olivia's hand. She smiled at the detective as Olivia and Elliot went to sit back down in their respective chairs.

They both looked at each other and smiled as Elliot mouthed 'told ya,' to Olivia, however, the brunette nodded toward the one medal still sitting on the tray, confused. As she was wondering, though, Alex began speaking again.

"Now, there is one more medal to award today, as the NYPD feels that detective Benson should be honored separately with a prestigious honor."

Olivia's face flushed and she readied herself for whatever Alex was going to say about her—she knew she couldn't cry in her dress blues, and as hard as it was for her to display toughness everyday, she knew she'd have to put on the 'NYPD face' right now.

"Detective Benson showed extreme loyalty, dedication, and allegiance to her fellow officers when she dove in front of a stray bullet, headed towards the crowd of law enforcement officers, and myself. The NYPD Medal for Valor is awarded to an officer 'during an act of outstanding personal bravery, intelligently performed in the line of duty at imminent personal hazard to life, under circumstances evincing a disregard of personal consequences.' After watching Detective Benson, and speaking with her since, it is obvious to me that the very last person she was thinking about on that lawn was herself, and for that, I, especially will forever be eternally grateful to her. And, I'm sure all of the other 13 police officers who were standing near me can say the same." Alex paused, and Olivia could swear she heard a break in the strong attorney's voice before she began speaking again.

"I know that Kaley Adams will forever be grateful to detective Benson, and she can only be added to the long list of victims who would willingly sacrifice themselves for detective Benson, after she's done so much for them. Time after time I hear victims speak about how gentle, loving, and understanding detective Benson is during their investigation, trial, and retelling of their rape or other particular situation. She truly is a victim's advocate, and is willing to lay her life on the line to protect the innocent. And, for all of that, and other numerous reasons, it is my pleasure to present detective Olivia Benson with the Medal for Valor."

Olivia stood up and walked toward the front of the stage, near the podium and near Alex. They turned to each other and shook hands while they exchanged the medal box, looking to the camera for a picture. Once all of the pictures were done, Olivia turned to look at Alex and began walking back to her chair when she felt Alex's arm wrap around her waist, pulling her into a hug. The blonde knew it had to be a brief, businesslike hug, (if there was such a thing) but she also knew that she couldn't let Olivia walk back to her chair without showing her some sort of affection and appreciation. As they released one another, Olivia smiled into the attorney's eyes, understanding the look of love and dedication in Alex's eyes. Quickly, the blonde collected herself and ended her speech.

"In the end, it boils down to a few questions: who do you want to protect our city? What qualities would you choose for them to possess? If I had my pick, it would be these two—every day of the week. The dedication, perseverance, and loyalty they show to not only the NYPD and their unit, but to each other, is admirable and should be what every unit in the NYPD, and across the country for that matter, uses as an example. Both detectives Benson and Stabler will never admit to the fact that they are, indeed, heroes. But we know it at the 1-6, and now the whole NYPD will know it when they look at these medals. Congratulations, you two. You deserve it."

And with that, the room erupted into applause, everyone rising to their feet. Elliot and Olivia stood, hugged, and waved to the crowd. Olivia had never felt better, and didn't even notice any pain in her shoulder. At this moment, she was on cloud 9: she had done a good job, she was with her best friend and partner, and she had Alex Cabot back in her life (and wearing that red dress, nonetheless). Olivia knew this time with Alex would be different, and looked into the attorney's eyes as everyone was exiting the ceremony to see pure, untainted love.


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: Again, I am overwhelmed by all of your comments! I am seriously loving everyone that is reading this story and giving some feedback. Thank you all for letting my story into your imagination and I hope you like it as much as I do. As I said before, I'm now writing chapter by chapter, so uploads may be fewer and farther between, so I apologize in advance, but I hope you enjoy this next chapter, where we see a little more of Olivia's erratic behavior return, and we see what's really bothering Alex.

**Chapter 16  
>Worthy<strong>

Olivia and Elliot lingered on the stage, speaking with Captain Cragen, Munch and Fin. Cragen looked toward Alex and Kathy and began to speak, motioning towards Elliot and Olivia as he did.

"Well, seeing as how there isn't anyone else here…wanna do the honors, ladies?"

Kathy, having done this before, swiftly removed the medal from the box in Elliot's hand, prompting him to turn and face her. He playfully stuck his chest out, raised his chin and laughed. After a second, they connected, as Kathy opened the pin to attach it to her husband's uniform. He looked down and watched his wife delicately secure the medal—she was proud, and he couldn't have been happier to see this reflected in her eyes. They kissed, as Kathy wrapped her arms around the back of Elliot's head and pulled him close.

"I'm so proud of you, El. I love you."

Elliot returned that comment with a smile. "Love you too."

Not ever being one to show much loving emotion, Elliot quickly turned his attention to Olivia.

"Your turn counselor!" He smiled as he spoke, handing the two boxes to Alex. Everyone was excited to see this exchange—the detectives knew that there was something up between Alex and Olivia, but now that they actually knew they were together, everyone at the 1-6 was a little curious to see them interact.

Alex smiled and turned towards Olivia. She approached the detective and laid the first box out on the table, taking the medal from inside. She looked Olivia over, still somewhat surprised that she could call the detective her girlfriend. Alex opened the clasp and reached through Olivia's shirt to grab the open pin. She felt her hand brush against Olivia's undershirt and bra, sending a warm wave through the blonde's body. She closed the pin and stepped back to admire at the placement, before starting the next. Everything was the same, but this time, she began speaking, in a very hushed tone, to the detective.

"Olivia, I'm so happy to give you this medal. I see you work everyday, but I think I take advantage of exactly how hard you work, and why you do it. I love you Olivia Benson, and I love that you love people enough to save them from anything that threatens to harm them. I'm so proud of you, baby." She almost whispered all of this, an inch from Olivia's face, pinning the medal on the whole time. Olivia always loved how she could multitask.

After both medals were attached, Olivia and Elliot looked at each other, joking about how great the new additions to their uniforms looked. Alex stayed close to Olivia, holding her hand on the small of the detective's back, and looking at the new medals, admiring her detective.

Suddenly, a hush fell over the group as the back door reopened and a woman walked toward Olivia and Elliot. She held her head down, shyly approaching both of them, before reaching out a hand and placing it on Olivia's shoulder.

"Detective Benson?"

Alex always thought it was so admirable how Olivia could switch from a normal, everyday person to victim's advocate extraordinaire with just a look. Alex could see sympathy in Olivia's eyes, letting the woman know that in detective Benson, she'd find a safe harbor.

"Yes?"

Without another word, the woman wrapped her arms around Olivia's waist, grabbing the detective into a tight hug. She spoke as she held the detective in her weak arms. The look on Olivia's face was confused, until she saw Kaley standing behind the middle-aged women. She had realized that neither Kaley or her mother had stayed after the ceremony, but knew that sometimes any new experience can be hard for victims to relive, even if it is joyful.

"Thank you so much, detective. You have no idea…you'll never know how much you've given me back…Oh and your arm! I'm sorry that happened to you detective." She sobbed softly into Olivia's chest as Olivia gently reciprocated the hug.

Olivia slowly released the woman, taking her shoulders in her strong hands. She looked into her eyes and started to speak.

"Mrs. Adams, you don't have to thank me. We are just as happy as you that Kaley is home and safe. I want you both to get into counseling, though. It will make things better with time. Don't worry about me—this is my job." Olivia smiled weakly to the woman, who moved on to Elliot, giving him the same treatment, when a small voice spoke from behind Mrs. Adams.

"Detective Benson?" Olivia focused on the voice, facing the small, young teen with tear stains on her face. She bent down and spoke to her gently.

"You can call me Olivia, Kaley."

"Ok…Olivia." She smiled sadly. "I just want to say thanks. I know that if you wouldn't have done what you did, he probably would have killed me…." Her eyes filled with tears. "I'm sorry that you had to get hurt because of me, but I know I'm lucky that you and," she looked to Elliot, "detective Stabler were there to help me. I know what could have happened."

Olivia took Kaley's hand into her own and spoke softly. "Kaley, you don't ever have to apologize. This is not your fault—it's Carlson's—you know that right? There's nothing," she reemphasized as she looked into Kaley's eyes, "_nothing_ you could have done differently. Ok?"

In this moment, everyone standing was transfixed on Olivia kneeling before Kaley, holding her hand and speaking softly so she understood. Kathy took notice of Alex, standing proudly with an emphatic look on her face. She smiled, and Kathy knew that look—she moved over towards Alex and wrapped her arm around the attorney's shoulders. As Alex looked toward Kathy, there were tears in her eyes as she chuckled into Kathy's shoulder.

"You love her…I can see it." Kathy spoke reassuringly to Alex, keeping her in her grasp. "I'm glad you two are together…everyone could see it."

Alex smiled and gave a simple response. "I do, Kathy... I do love her." She took a long draw of breath and beamed, as they both looked back to Olivia, Elliot, and Kaley ending their conversation, "who wouldn't?"

As Kathy looked back to Alex, she noticed her own husband speaking to Kaley. The same pride and desire built up in her own body—a flame that had burned for 27 years still seared fervently in her heart. She nodded and looked at Alex—she knew exactly what the attorney was feeling.

Cragen began to speak as Kaley and her mother were leaving. "So, I think this calls for a celebration…we all don't have to be back to the precinct until 12 so, let's go get some celebratory brunch on the NYPD." Everyone laughed as Munch, Fin, and Cragen began walking out of 1PP. The two couples followed them, but before Alex and Olivia left the press conference room, Alex pulled Olivia into a strong hug. She held the door closed with one hand and placed the other on the detective's neck, pulling her close. Olivia was taken by surprise, but fell softly into the attorney's body, pressing her lips against Alex's, as Alex probed Olivia's mouth with her tongue. The raw passion of the kiss left Olivia breathless, and as they parted, Olivia gasped for air.

"I know we aren't 'public' yet, so I wanted to get that out before we left. But, I couldn't let you walk out of here without doing that. I was thinking about this exact moment the whole time."

With that, Alex opened the door and left Olivia standing, her mouth slightly ajar in shock. She rolled her eyes a little and came back down to earth, her hands still hot from gripping Alex's hips, and her tongue still tingling from the touch. She opened the door and jogged to catch up with the rest of the group, on their way to brunch to celebrate.

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Olivia unlocked her apartment door and held it open for Alex to enter. She had eaten way too much at brunch—Alex remembered Olivia's love for Strawberry Crème French toast, and she took the liberty of ordering her a full order, complete with bacon and coffee when the detective was in the bathroom. Normally, Olivia wouldn't indulge herself with this many calories, but she felt ok about it today. Alex sat across from her, eating an easy brunch of oatmeal and fruit.

They walked through the threshold and sat on the couch. Olivia unbuttoned the top few buttons of her uniform shirt and released her tie—Alex could tell she was absolutely stuffed from breakfast. There was something sexy about the way Olivia ate her food, Alex noticed. The attorney took delight in watching Olivia lick the strawberry juice from her lips, occasionally wiping her mouth with her finger and licking off excess whipped cream—it was only when Alex became uncomfortable with the wetness gathering in her body that she thought ordering that particular food for Olivia may have been a bad idea, especially with other people around.

"You full?" Alex asked this with a smile and a rub of Olivia's taut abs.

"Ugh! Don't even touch my stomach…I feel like I weigh 1,000 lbs!" Olivia groaned and Alex howled with laughter.

"Well, I'm glad you got what you wanted, baby. You deserve it, especially after this morning."

"So…I'm still trying to figure out why you didn't tell me what was going on this morning? We spent all that time together in the shower," they both smiled at the memory, "and getting ready, and you still didn't say anything." Olivia pried as Alex decided the truth was the best way to go.

The attorney repositioned herself on the couch, straddling the detective's hips with her knees. She played with the buttons on Olivia's uniform below as she began speaking. "I know, Liv, and I'm sorry I didn't tell you. Cragen said he wanted it to be a surprise, and he actually seemed really happy, honey. I just wanted to make him happy, and I knew you wouldn't really be upset. You got 2 medals after all! You're the golden child of the NYPD today." Alex said this as she laughed, but her demeanor turned very serious when she eyed the two new pieces of hardware on the detective's chest. "I know I've said it already, but I'm so proud of you, Olivia." Tears filled in her eyes and she admired the detective's strong cheekbones, her delicate nose, and defined jawline—Olivia was so beautiful. She placed a small kiss on the end of her nose, smiling softly into the detective's eyes. Olivia returned the smile and gazed back into Alex's eyes, as her hands rested softly on the blonde's thighs.

"Hey, I wanted to tell you…" Olivia caught Alex's attention. She smiled softly before continuing. "The whole morning people have been saying 'thank you' to me, but a lot of people don't understand _why _some cops do what they do…I'll admit that I joined the force, and more specifically, Special Victims because of my mother—we've talked about that before. But, what I guess I'm really trying to say is that a lot of people look at things that some cops do and say 'that's crazy,' but once you realize the motivation behind it, they don't think it's so crazy anymore."

Alex was captivated by what Olivia was saying, but wasn't sure where she was going with this confession. She connected with Olivia's brown eyes and spoke, "Ok, I'm following you…"

"Alex, what I'm saying is that everyone thinks it was so heroic and crazy of me to jump in front of a bullet. Everyone asks why. Everyone says thank you. I get medals, and people clap. But, for me, and for most cops, I wasn't thinking about being a hero—it's all about the motivation. And Alex, _you _motivate me." Alex's heart melted. She was looking into her girlfriend's eyes and she knew that she wouldn't be able to keep her composure long, as tears filled her eyes and Olivia continued, emphatically using her hands, explaining what she was trying to say.

"When people say thank you and ask me why I do what I do, I say it's all for the victims—which is true. But, I jumped in front of that bullet for love. I think I knew, even though we had been a little—", she paused "distant—that I loved you, Alex. I've loved you since the beginning. And, I think I've realized that the reason that I can be such a good cop is because you have been my reason to do things right, and to be a victim's advocate. I can be a loving person because of you, and I can be a great partner because of you. Before you came to SVU, I wasn't half the cop that I am now, and there's a reason for that, babe. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that you deserve these medals just as much as I do. You're the reason I get up every morning and try to be the best cop I can be that day, Alex. I lov—" Alex stopped Olivia, placing a finger on the detective's lips, but was met with a firm hand.

Olivia moved Alex's hand away from her mouth. She looked into the blonde's eyes and defiantly said, "No, Alex. You're not going to stop me. I know the only reason I was able to tell you this morning is because you weren't expecting what I was going say. Why won't you let me tell you that I love you, Alex? You are the best thing that I ever let get away, and now that you're back, I know that you are truly the best thing that I ever had…ever. What's going on Al? Why don't you want to hear me tell you that I love you?"

Alex looked into Olivia's eyes and saw the need the detective had—she cared about Alex, and wanted to know what was up. Slowly, Alex removed her left leg, and then her right from the couch, repositioning herself next to Olivia, facing the detective, and resting her hands in her lap.

"Olivia, you have to understand. It's so easy for me to lock myself away in an ivory tower, prosecuting cases and removing myself from the day-to-day work that you guys do in order to bring me cases. I get up every morning and don't have to worry about a gun, a bulletproof vest, or someone unexpectedly attacking me." Alex's voice began to crack, as she traced her eyes to Olivia's gun, and back up to the detective's questioning, but sympathetic eyes.

"You get up every morning and you _know _that day you'll make a difference. You willingly walk into situations that could very easily get you injured or even killed…and for what? To save _one_ life. To help _one_ person. To change _one_ childhood. I sit in my cushy office, and my biggest complaint for the day is that a judge won't move an arraignment from 9 to 9:45." Alex began to grow a little agitated with herself, and stopped. Olivia placed her hand softly on Alex's crossed legs, prying with her eyes.

"Ok, Alex. But your job is important—without you, nothing would ever happen. We can go get as many people as we want, but without you working your magic in the courtroom, they can just go back out and keep doing what they were doing before….what are you trying to say, Alex? Just give it to me. This isn't about our jobs, and you know it."

Alex paused, trying to muster up the courage to say exactly what she knew was going on. "I see you everyday helping people, being an advocate, trusting victims, and I can't help but love you. You demand respect, but still are so loving and gentle with everyone you come across. Even just then, when I was saying that I just sit around and prosecute cases, you just made me feel admirable for the job I do…" She paused, still not having said what was on the tip of her tongue.

"I just don't deserve you Olivia. I know, deep down, that I'm not worthy of your love, and I guess it's just easy for me to think that you don't actually love me if I don't have to hear you say it."

Olivia's face hardened. She moved her gaze from Alex's eyes to a blank wall in front of her. Her jaw clenched and she quickly became interested in the area around the mounted tv, and noticed there was a small place that the painters had missed. She didn't necessarily know how to process this admission. Olivia knew she should try to be sympathetic, as Alex was obviously dealing with an emotionally troubling problem, but she was also infuriated that Alex would even think that she didn't deserve the detective's love—Olivia knew that, if anything, it was the other way around, especially after how she had treated Alex for the previous few months.

"Liv?"

Olivia heard Alex, but didn't give any indication that she was ready to speak back to her. Instead, she turned, placed a light, unromantic peck on Alex's cheek and stood up from the couch. She made an excuse about having to go into the precinct for something she had forgotten and started towards the door.

"Olivia, are you serious?"

"What, Alex? I've got something to finish and then I'll be back….and, on top of that, I have to take some time off, so it's today or whenever I go back." Her attitude was obvious.

"Ok…do you want me to drive you?" Alex asked this question softly, as to not infuriate the detective any more than she was already.

"No. I'll take the subway. Try to relax. I'll be back in a little while."

And with that, Olivia was gone. Alex collapsed on the couch, tears streaming down her face. She was sure that, this time, she had lost Olivia for good.


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: Isn't it wonderful to see Olivia turning around? Just as things were going right, though, she storms out of the apartment. In this chapter, we truly see Olivia fighting for this relationship after Alex's admitted her doubts about being loved by Olivia. I have to admit, this is one of my favorite chapters I've written because we always see the badass side of Olivia, leaving us to wonder what her romantic side is all about.

As always, thanks for reviewing and favoriting! You guys keep me motivated!

**Chapter 17**

**Gesture**

Olivia walked at a determined pace towards the subway. She spent most of the ride contemplating what to do and how to make this situation better. She knew she probably shouldn't have walked out, but, at that moment, she didn't want to say something that she'd regret. There was no denying it though—she loved Alex Cabot, and she would make this right, whatever it took.

She continued to ride the train into the city, and when she reached the stop for the precinct, Olivia stayed. She knew exactly where she was going. She rode the train further and exited at Herald Square, making a beeline for Bloomingdales. The detective felt a little silly for still wearing her NYPD uniform, but she knew she needed to do this, and couldn't wait for Alex to catch on.

She removed her hat and placed it down into the messenger bag she was carrying, so she didn't feel too official. Olivia rode the escalators up and down, visiting many different departments, buying two or three things here and there, and picturing Alex in every piece. Olivia knew tonight would be important, and wanted nothing more than to make Alex see that she was, indeed, worthy of her love. An hour or so later, Olivia made a few phone calls and decided to relax at her favorite coffee shop while the day unfolded.

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Alex heard a soft knock on the apartment door and gathered herself enough to meander off the couch and look through the peephole. The man on the other side of the door was an older man dressed in a suit. Thinking he didn't look particularly menacing, Alex opened the door.

"Are you Alexandra Cabot?" The old man smiled politely as he asked this question, and Alex couldn't help but feel a little better—his demeanor was infectious.

"I am."

"Ah, well then. Great. This is for you." He extended a large white box, wrapped with a red bow and a card.

"Oh. Well, thank you." Alex began to shut the door, but the man cleared his throat and began to speak.

"Um, excuse me, but I'm sorry ma'am, I've been instructed to inform you that I'll also be your driver for the day. I've been told that your instructions are on the card. I'll be in the black town car out front when you are ready." With that, the old man left Alex standing in the doorway; her mouth was slightly open, asking an unformulated question, utterly confused.

She took the box inside and let the door shut behind her, as she placed the box on the kitchen table. Alex delicately opened the envelope and immediately recognized Olivia's symmetrical handwriting.

_Alexandra,_

_Please believe me when I say I love you. I'm sorry I rushed out this morning, but I'm hoping I can make it up to you. Just follow these directions, and hopefully your day will start to turn around. _

_1)__Read the note I left you—I know you haven't read it yet._

_2)__Open this box. I want you to wear this tonight. All of it._

_3)__Robert is going to drive you around a little today. Wear something that's comfortable—you won't see anyone you know, and you're not going anywhere fancy._

_4)__Be ready by 7:15—we have reservations. I'll be here to pick you up._

_5)__Know that I'll be thinking about you all day. I love you so much, Alex._

_"In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you."_

_All my love,_

_Olivia_

Alex smiled so wide that her cheeks began to hurt. She immediately recognized a quote from one of her favorite Jane Austen books, and couldn't help but recognize how wonderfully it fit at this exact moment. She admired Olivia's knowledge of literature, and how she was ever the romantic at this moment, knowing just what to say—or write—to leave Alex weak in the knees.

Always wanting to please Olivia, Alex first walked into the kitchen, picking up the paper that the detective had scribbled on earlier that afternoon before she left the apartment. Tears fell from her eyes as she read the three simple words on the torn paper.

_You are worthy._

She held the paper to her chest, breathing deeply and thinking of nothing but Olivia. She saw her smile, her eyes, and her body in her mind and she started to swell with love. Quickly though, she remembered that Robert was waiting on her outside. She hurriedly changed into yoga pants, an NYPD t-shirt and flip-flops. She placed her hair in a ponytail, grabbed her purse and Olivia's card, and locked the door before she ran out to meet Robert. On her way down, she had remembered that she didn't even look in the box, but reminded herself to do that later.

Robert was outside waiting and offered Alex his hand as he opened the back passenger door of the town car. Alex slid down in the backseat, relishing in the luxury that Olivia had supplied her, as the car pulled away and Robert started speaking.

"Did you read the card, ma'am?"

"Yes, it was wonderful. Thank you for driving me around today. I still don't know where we're going, but I just know it will be better than anything I'm imagining." Alex's smile was contagious and Robert returned a nod and smile in the rearview mirror.

Minutes later Robert announced that they had reached their first stop. Alex felt the car slow, and she exited as he opened the door for her. She followed Robert as he began walking to the large modern building adjacent to the car—the attorney had never been here before, and wasn't exactly sure what she was getting herself into, or rather, what Olivia was getting her into. Robert opened the door and led her into the building.

"I'll be out here if you need anything, Ms. Cabot." He turned on his heels and exited the building, waving to Alex as he left.

The blonde stood in the middle of a beautifully decorated foyer, wondering what direction to walk in, when a young woman approached her.

"Ms. Cabot?"

"Alex, please." She extended her hand out and shook the young woman's hand, still having no idea where she was.

"Ok, Alex. My name is Megan. And…" she began to speak as she walked toward a small desk. Reaching down into the desk, she grabbed a small box and a single rose. "I was instructed to give these to you as soon as you arrived."

Alex smiled, as she smelled the rose, thinking of Olivia. She took the box in her hand and opened it, revealing a necklace, complete with a diamond pendant. She gasped as Megan peered over the box to see what the gift was.

"Well, someone loves you."

They both smiled and Alex couldn't help but agree with Megan, as she led her down a hallway and into another segment of the building.

"So, it looks like we've got you down for a massage, a manicure and a pedicure. So, if you'll just go in this room right here, our masseuse Jenna will be right with you."

Alex walked into the dimly lit room and began undressing. She placed the box and rose next to her clothes as she lay on the massage table. She couldn't help thinking about how wonderful her girlfriend was, and, she knew Olivia had planned this day so she could truly understand that Olivia really did love her. It was working.

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Two hours later, Alex emerged from the spa and climbed back in the town car.

"Feeling refreshed?" Robert asked this question as he was pulling away from the curb.

"Yes, thank you. I feel really, really good."

"Well that's wonderful, Ms. Cabot. I have another card for you here." He handed back a small red envelope, as Alex opened and began reading.

_Sweetheart,_

_I hope you had a relaxing time at the spa. You didn't think I'd let anyone but Jodi touch your hair, though, did you?_

_I can't wait to see you tonight._

_Love,_

_Olivia_

Alex smiled when she figured out that she was going to see her hairdresser. Jodi was a constant in her life, and knew pretty much everything about her. She was also devastated when Alex had to go into WITSEC, but she joked that she was even more upset when she came back because Alex had let someone else touch her hair while she was gone. Alex was so surprised that Olivia had remembered who her hairdresser was, but then she silently reprimanded herself for giving Olivia too little credit.

For the rest of the car ride, Alex reread the two notes she had in her hands. She smelled the red rose that awaited her at the spa, and delicately touched the shimmering necklace. She felt the smooth texture of her legs and hands, and thought she chose the right shade of grey for her nails and toes. When the car stopped, Robert got out to open the door once again.

"As always, Ms. Cabot, please let me know if you require anything. I will be just out here."

Alex nodded and stepped into the salon, immediately finding Jodi and waving hello to her while she finished up with the client in front of her. She sat down and began reading a magazine when Jodi finished and found her in the waiting area.

"Alex! I didn't even know you were coming today until this woman called and basically demanded that I open up some time in my schedule for you. What the hell?" She laughed heartily at this story and wrapped Alex into a hug. "Are you having a hair emergency or what?"

"Oh, no Jodi, nothing like that…" they walked towards the back of the salon as Jodi grabbed an apron and some shampoo.

"Ok, well are you gonna tell me or are you just gonna keep me wondering and then we can small talk like nothing is going on…" They both busted out laughing as Alex started speaking.

"Well, that was probably my girlfriend…"

Jodi dropped the shampoo bottle she was holding and leaned over Alex, whose face was now relaxed in the shampoo bowl. "Wait a second…the detective?! No fucking way."

Alex just smiled as they continued chatting. Over the next hour, Alex had filled Jodi in on everything—her coming back, seeing Olivia at the club, Hope, Lauren, Olivia ignoring her, and finally, this wonderful day that she seemed to be having so far.

"Well, I remember how you guys were before you left. I know there was more there, but I'm glad you're finally acting on it. Oh my God Alex, I'm so excited for you. She sounds wicked awesome…Well, one thing is for sure…your hair looks fabulous." Alex turned in the chair to see her hair in the mirror, and, Jodi was right—it looked wonderful. They hugged and Alex dug in her purse to tip Jodi, when her hairdresser held up her hand.

"Oh no, Alex. Trust me—Olivia made it well worth my while to fit you in today. You don't owe me anything." Alex blushed and smiled, knowing the effort Olivia probably went through to do all of this. She started to walk out of the salon when she heard Jodi's voice from behind her.

"Alex, wait! I was supposed to give you this. Have fun tonight!" She handed the attorney a small box and another card.

"Thanks!" Alex turned and walked back out to Robert, who was dutifully waiting with an open door in his hand.

"Your hair looks great, Ms. Cabot." Alex thanked him as she climbed into the back of the car. She couldn't wait to open her two new gifts, and decided to open the box first. She immediately recognized the design of the small diamonds in the bracelet from the necklace she had received earlier in the day, and put together that it was a set. It was brilliantly shining and was overwhelmingly beautiful. Alex closed the box and turned her attention to the card.

_You are so beautiful Alex, and you really don't need any of this for me to think you're beautiful. But, I know it can feel nice to be pampered every once in a while. Every time I see you, you look more and more stunning, and I know tonight will be no exception._

_Yours,_

_Olivia_

Alex wondered when she would wake up from this dream. This day had been a whirlwind: this morning was the closest she and Olivia had ever been to actually having sex (except for when they actually _did _have sex so many years ago, but they didn't really count that), she was so proud of Olivia for being awarded her medals, and then everything seemed to crash and burn—until now. Olivia was truly spoiling Alex, and the attorney couldn't help but admit that she thoroughly enjoyed doing everything Olivia had instructed her to do.

The car stopped as Robert said, "Last stop, Ms. Cabot." Alex stepped out of the car and laid eyes on her favorite dessert shop. She was a sucker for red velvet, and Olivia knew it. She entered the front of the store and it was completely deserted, which Alex thought was weird, however, it was only 4PM.

A young man emerged from the back of the store and immediately recognized the woman he had been waiting for.

"Alexandra Cabot?"

"Yes." She normally didn't like when people called her by her full first name, but there was something about how Olivia said it that warmed her to the idea a little. It sort of lingered around the detective's lips, and every time Olivia spoke her full name, Alex knew it was a devoted confession of love.

"Ok, cool. I have something here for you. First, of course…" he reached into one of the display windows and grabbed a red velvet cupcake, handing it to her with a smile. Alex couldn't help but notice that it looked a little different than the others, and upon looking at the icing, she noticed why. Instead of plain white icing like the rest, her cupcake had small red hearts adorning the white icing. Alex couldn't help but smile and roll her eyes. This was the playful side of Olivia that Alex hadn't gotten to see very often, especially as of late.

"Ok—and I have this." He reached under the cash register and pulled out a small ring box. Alex's heart stopped as he handed it to her and smiled. She thanked him and began to walk out to Robert and the waiting car.

After she was settled in the back, she didn't know why she was so nervous to open the ring box. She assumed it was because it was a ring box, and usually other types of rings came in boxes like that. Why was she thinking this way? Obviously it's not an engagement ring, they weren't ready for that…

Alex suddenly found herself thinking about receiving an engagement ring from Olivia, and minutes later, they had reached Olivia's apartment without Alex ever even opening the box, and rather, relishing in the thought of one day, maybe, perhaps, being Olivia Benson's wife. Quickly, she told herself to pull it together and quit thinking nonsense. She exited the car and gave Robert a hug.

"Thank you so much for driving me around, Robert. You were an absolute gentleman." Alex began to dig in her purse, looking for money to tip him.

"Well thank you Ms. Cabot—oh, please no. Ms. Benson took great care of me today." He placed his hand on Alex's and she dropped the $50 she was holding back into her purse. "You just make sure you're ready in two hours. I'm sure if this is the preview, it's going to be a wonderful night." He smiled, as Alex realized that Olivia probably gave him a tight time window. She gave him a small smile and turned to enter the apartment complex.

As she reached apartment 44B, she took out her keys and opened the door. She placed all of her cards and pieces of jewelry on the table, along with her uneaten cupcake. When she looked down and noticed a change in the apartment, she knew Olivia had been there. The detective's NYPD uniform was laying on the chair in the living room, thrown haphazardly Alex was sure, as she was changing clothes, not wanting to be caught by the attorney returning early.

Alex quickly remembered that she hadn't opened the ring box yet, and she had yet to look in the large white box. She moved over to the table and took her place in a kitchen chair, relaxing into the back, taking the ring box in her hand. She slowly opened the box and revealed a small decorated fashion ring, adorned with the same diamonds designed to match the bracelet and necklace. Alex couldn't help but smile as she placed the jewelry all together on the table, knowing she would be putting it on in no time.

She moved the white box towards her and undid the bow. As she removed the top, she saw another small card, which she grabbed and opened to read.

_Alex,_

_I hope you like everything in here. If not, we can return it. I am pretty sure I got all of your sizes correct, but again, if not, we can return whatever you want. You know I don't have much style, but I know what I like seeing you in. And, let's be honest, no matter what you wear, you'll be absolutely dazzling. _

_Olivia_

Alex placed the card to the side and smiled, thinking of the beautiful brunette detective, as she opened the contents of the box. First, she removed a pair of size 8 black wedges, and Alex had to say, they dripped with style. They were open-toed and sleek, reflecting flashes from the kitchen lights. She placed them on the floor and continued to unpack the box. Next was a small box of perfume—Alex didn't recognize the name, but trusted her girlfriend and knew that she would wear whatever to make Olivia happy. She opened the box and spritzed the fragrance in the air in front of her. The smell was captivating: delicate yet strong, floral but gentle. She smiled and placed the perfume near the jewelry on the table and continued to unpack the box.

She reached inside the box and removed a beautiful black lace dress. It was long sleeved, scoop neck, and came with an attached black slip. Alex looked the dress over and was extremely pleased with Olivia's choice. The dress would look great with the shoes and jewelry that the detective had hand picked, and Alex felt immensely loved that someone would go through all of this for her.

Alex peered into the box and noticed that there was still more to be found. She reached over and felt two very small, lacey items that she picked up with one hand. When she placed them on the table, she blushed as she looked over them separately. The first item was a black lace thong—Alex was surprised but aroused that Olivia was thinking of her, down to her panties, and the attorney was instantly turned on.

She turned her head to the matching bra on the table and picked it up as she eyed the piece. It matched the black thong exactly, down to the last thread. Not only did Olivia know exactly what size the ADA wore, but also the exact style—Alex was impressed. She quickly glanced at the clock on the stove and knew she would have to get moving to be ready in time. She went off to the bathroom to draw herself a bath. She had to get going, knowing Olivia would be there in an hour and a half, and she needed all of that time to look exactly how she wanted for the detective.

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Olivia had just missed Alex—she saw the blonde exiting Robert's car as she pulled out of the apartment complex in her black '65 mustang. She barely drove the car, and could really only rotate the wheel all the way around with her left hand, but she was just going to get some cash from the ATM and she'd be back in enough time to pick up Alex. She could have easily walked or taken the subway to an ATM, but she wanted to make sure everything was ok with her car before tonight—she hadn't driven it in over 3 months.

She couldn't wait to see Alex after the day she had planned for her. Olivia drove slowly, caught in NYC traffic, and thought about the blonde attorney. She really had fallen in love with her back in the beginning, and it only grew as they worked through cases together. Olivia thought about all of the decisions she had made in the past few years and knew that she was in bad shape emotionally, but now that Alex was back, she knew that she was done playing. She loved Alex, and Alex loved her. Tonight, Alex would know that she loved her.

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It was 7:08 when Olivia knocked on her own apartment door. The feeling was odd, she could admit that, but she disregarded it, as she knew Alex would be answering. Sure enough, a second later, Alex opened the door.

Olivia couldn't speak. She knew that Alex was wearing every piece of clothing that she had picked out and bought just hours before. Olivia knew what was lurking under that dress, but she couldn't help but be taken by the blonde's beauty.

"Hi baby," Alex said as she threw her arms around Olivia's shoulders, being delicate with her injured arm.

"Uh hi," Olivia choked out, still obviously distracted by Alex's apparel.

"Is there something wrong baby? Is it not how you thought it would look? I can change." Alex held her arms out and twirled, asking Olivia again if it was ok.

"Alex…you look absolutely beautiful. And, you're right—it's not how I thought it would look. You make it all look so much better than I thought it could." Olivia smiled and was completely transfixed on the blonde, as Alex began speaking.

"Well, I have to say, you don't look too bad yourself, detective." Olivia was wearing an outfit she had bought herself at Bloomingdales earlier that day. Olivia didn't want her wounds exposed, so she bought herself a sheer white button up shirt with tight grey charcoal pants. She wore her grey chukka boots and covered it all with her fitted black blazer. Alex thought it was very feminine, with a masculine twist, and she couldn't get enough of it.

Alex walked to Olivia, admiring her and holding her close. "Thank you so much for all of this, Liv. I could never tell you how special you made me feel today. I'm sorry about what I said earlier."

"It's no problem babe. Tonight is all about you…and don't ever apologize for telling me how you feel." With that, Olivia took Alex's hand in hers and exited the apartment, locking the door behind them. They walked down to Olivia's car, Alex eyeing the black mustang as they got in.

"God, I didn't think this car could get any sexier."

Olivia turned to Alex with a questioning look on her face. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I've never actually seen you drive it. It's always just been sitting in the garage, but now…damn."

Olivia shook her head and smiled a little, as she reached her injured arm over and explored Alex's thigh until the attorney took her hand in her own.

"So where are we eating?" Alex tried to steady Olivia's wandering hand, and change the subject so maybe the detective would quit being so handsy—it was a total turn on.

"A little place I know in Central Park West. One of my friends owns it."

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A little while later, they pulled up to the dimly lit restaurant. Olivia parked her car in the employee lot and grabbed her wallet as she took Alex's hand and led her towards a flight of stairs. They climbed and Olivia took out her keys, searching and placing one in the lock. Alex looked at her questioningly.

"I told you—one of my friends owns the place. He shut it down tonight for us."

Again, Alex's heart swelled—she knew tonight would be one to remember.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: **Thank you all for reading and reviewing! In this chapter, I wanted to explore some of Olivia's vulnerability. Please let me know what you think!

**Chapter 18**

**Pure**

Olivia unlocked the door at the top of the stairs and pushed it open, holding it for Alex to walk through. She led the blonde down a set of stairs and into a small dining area, and Alex could smell a wondrous aroma coming from the kitchen. She was transfixed on Olivia, so surprised and touched that she went through all of this trouble.

"Max!" Olivia smiled and hugged a tall man with black hair as they came around the side of the kitchen, peering through the glass window to see what was for dinner.

"Olivia! Hi!" He instantly approached the two women, wearing a smile that could warm any heart.

"Max, this is Alex Cabot. Alex, this is Max—we went to the academy together back in the day."

Alex smiled as she shook his hand with a questioning eye. "Hi, it's nice to meet you. You went to the academy with Liv and…now you own a restaurant?"

Olivia and Max smiled back at Alex when he began to speak. "Long story, Ms. Cabot, and definitely not one for tonight." He winked at Olivia and began speaking. "Liv you remember Lorenzo? He's in the kitchen for you, so whatever you want, he will make. He's already prepared the main course and a salad, and if you want anything else, just let him know. I'm gonna leave and you two—just enjoy tonight." He gave Olivia a tight hug and smiled at Alex as he began to leave, disappearing up the steps.

"Just remember to lock up, Liv!"

Alex turned to Olivia and gave her an authoritative look, telling her to remember to lock the doors when they left, acting like the boss.

"Yes, counselor." Alex could get used to that.

Olivia led Alex to a small candlelit table for two in the back corner of the restaurant. They sat down and admired one another until Lorenzo approached their table.

"Detective! So nice to see you." Olivia and Lorenzo shook hands as he sat down a pitcher of water and two large mouth wine glasses. Olivia beamed as she introduced him to Alex.

"Lorenzo, it's wonderful to see you too. Thanks for doing this for us tonight. This is my girlfriend, Alex." She signaled to the blonde, and a heat burned inside Alex, feeling so warm and loved to be called Olivia's girlfriend.

"Oh, it's no problem. Nice to meet you, Ms. Cabot. Now, here's the wine you requested, detective." He uncorked the bottle and poured a tasting sample into Olivia's glass. The detective gingerly picked up the long-stemmed glass and tilted it towards Alex, raising her eyebrows and signaling for her to try it. The blonde looked at Olivia seductively and took the glass from her hand. Alex swirled the wine in the glass, smelled the robust aroma, and lifted the glass to her lips. Olivia watched as the liquid slipped through the attorney's lips and down her throat. It was intoxicating, to say the least.

Alex placed the glass back down on the table, in front of Olivia, and she smiled at both of them. "That's great. Good choice, baby." She placed her hand on Olivia's and smiled towards Lorenzo. "So, Lorenzo, what's for dinner? I can only imagine how good it will be after this wine—she really does know how to pick 'em."

He smiled and quickly went into waiter mode. "Well, for tonight, you two will start with a traditional bruschetta, topped with diced tomatoes, olive oil, roasted garlic and a balsamic glaze. Next will be a small field greens salad featuring strawberries, feta cheese, and a pomegranate vinaigrette. Then will come the main course, Chicken Marsala served over a bed of angel hair pasta and topped with a light Marsala cream sauce. And then, of course, dessert is up to you."

Alex looked at Olivia and smiled. "That sounds amazing. Thank you Lorenzo for doing all of this."

He replied quickly, as he finished pouring the wine and gestured to Olivia. "Anything for detective Benson! You two just ignore me and try to enjoy your night. If you need anything, please let me know." He retreated back to the kitchen and began making part of their dinner.

Olivia looked around the restaurant and sighed, "Man, I haven't been here in a long time. The place looks good."

"Well, I'm glad you brought me here. This is absolutely wonderful. The whole day has just been more than I could have ever imagined and I want to thank you for that Olivia. You really are a true romantic under that rough exterior."

Olivia smiled half-heartedly and leaned forward to connect with the blonde. "Alex, I just want you to feel loved. I know I shouldn't have run out this morning, and…" she paused as Lorenzo came to the table, delivering their first course. "I've learned that my first instinct is always to remove myself when I feel threatened, and I'm sorry I did that to you today. I don't want to be without you, Alex. I just didn't know how to explain what I thought you needed to hear...so I did something instead."

"It's ok. I shouldn't have been so selfish. Here you are, injured, loving, vulnerable, putting it all out there, and _now _I decide I'm going to have some issue with you loving me. It's all I've ever wanted, really, and it's just silly that I was feeling like that."

"It's not silly, Alex, if that's how you feel. I left the apartment today and I knew I had to do something to make you feel like you were the only woman in the world, and furthermore, the only one worthy of my love. Al, there's so much I would do for you—you don't even know. But, I don't want you to ever not feel worthy of something, because you deserve every single good thing that will ever happen to you."

Alex linked fingers with Olivia across the table and looked deeply into the detective's eyes as music began to play in the restaurant. "Thank you baby. You made me feel like I was the only one that mattered today. And, I know now that I'll never get tired of hearing you say 'I love you' to me. Because, I love you Olivia, and today I realized what it felt like to have someone love me back, just as much as I love them."

Olivia knew she had executed her plan flawlessly. She looked the attorney over; from her golden, flowing hair to her expertly manicured toes peeking out from the black wedges, Olivia knew that in her eyes, Alex Cabot was the most perfect woman to ever grace the earth.

"But, I do have one question I'd like to ask…" Olivia grew nervous as Alex began to ask this question with a seductive smirk on her face. "How did you know what size I wore…in _everything_?"

A small smile crept across Olivia's face, working its way from the left side to the right, before it became a full-blown grin. "Well, counselor, first, you seem to forget that I am a detective after all." She motioned toward her shield, which she always carried, laying on top of her large zippered wallet. Alex smiled and conceded with a slight nod of her head.

"Ok. Go on, then _detective _and tell me how you _actually _knew all of my sizes. You're a great detective, but it seems that some of these skills are not…interdisciplinary." Alex smiled and raised her eyebrows at Olivia, who knew she was throwing around big words to intrigue the detective.

"Well, there's a perfectly logical explanation to all of this, and that is…that I remembered your sizes on a lot. For example, I know you can't wear my shoes because my feet are a little bigger than yours. I remember when we were working on the Simmons case, one of your heels broke before arraignment and I offered you a pair of mine that I kept in the precinct, but you said you wore an 8, and mine were a 9 and a half…so there's the shoes." Alex relaxed back into the chair, crossing her legs and sipping her wine, eager to hear more of the detective's explanation.

"As for the dress, I just asked you the other day if you were still a size 2, to which you said you were, so that was easy. I know your ring size, so that was easy."

"Wait!" Alex interrupted. "How do you know my ring size?" Quickly the same thoughts Alex delighted in during her car ride returned.

Olivia began to open her mouth and explain when their salads came out. She paused and smirked over the plate to Alex, waiting for Lorenzo to leave the table so she could continue speaking.

"The John Doe case—the unidentified guy we found in the warehouse on 155th—don't you remember?"

Alex remembered the specific case, but had no idea how the detective would decipher her ring size from the evidence.

"I mean, I remember the case…"

"Ha ha. You don't remember." Olivia took a breath and smiled at Alex before sipping some wine and continuing. "We had reached a dead end in the case. Melinda called us all to the M.E's office to examine a theory. You remember?" Alex nodded, but still didn't know the particulars that she knew Olivia was recalling. "We had been looking at a pattern in his neck and had recovered a unique ring from one of his exes.""

Alex jumped in. "Oooh yeah! I know, I know. Warner wanted me to put it on and see if it would match the indentations on his neck."

"Exactly. It was a six and a half, and you were the only one of us that could get it on over the rubber gloves. So, I just figured you were probably a six." Olivia sat back in the chair, obviously satisfied with herself.

"Ok detective…I'll hand it to you—I'm impressed. But…there's still the matter of the other…_garments _in the box." Alex's voice was drenched with secrecy, as she pushed Olivia to answer. She brushed her hair off of her shoulders and rested her hand on her neck in a seductive fashion.

"Well, that was simple. I know you wear a small, so that part was easy. And, the top, I saw the size on your bra when you took it off and put it on top of the laundry basket the other day." She gave this answer very matter-of-factly and smiled into her wine glass as she tipped it to her lips.

"You really are something else, detective. I guess I never noticed how much you pay attention."

"That's my job, counselor…" Lorenzo returned to the table with their main course, and he refilled their glasses as he stood.

"Everything look ok?"

"Looks great, Lorenzo. Thanks!" Olivia smiled and politely dismissed him from the table as she raised her glass towards Alex. "I'd like to make a toast…"

Alex raised her glass and readied herself for whatever it was that the detective was thinking about saying.

"Here's to always letting you know how much I love you, no matter the cost. To always kissing you every morning, and hopefully always being able to make you feel like you're the only woman in the world that matters to me. I love you, Alex."

Their glasses clinked as they maintained eye contact through the clear wine glasses. "I love you too, Liv."

During dinner the conversation turned from Alex's adventurous day to the restaurant, the attorney ever curious to know how Olivia discovered it.

"So, how did you find this place? I love it."

"Well that's sort of a long story, but the short version of it is that my mom always loved this place."

Alex always admired how Olivia spoke about her mother. She knew that her rape had troubled the woman, and she also knew that she was probably ashamed of Olivia, as most rape victims are. Alex knew that Serena Benson was physically abusive to Olivia, but from how the detective spoke about her, you would have never known that she was anything but the best mother in the world. That was one of Olivia's talents: she could see the good in people, even after they had been beaten down by the world.

"She would bring me here when I was young, and I always knew this was a safe place because she never drank here. Some of my fondest memories from when I was young happened here with her." Olivia smiled sadly and peered over at a framed picture that Alex immediately recognized—it was the same one that Olivia had framed in her apartment, of her and her mother smiling for the camera at this very restaurant.

"Oh, Liv. That picture is beautiful. It's nice when places remember people like that—it makes you feel like family."

"Yeah, well I guess that's what you get when you own the place." Olivia chuckled half-heartedly as she laughed into her wine glass, swallowing the rest of the contents and refilling it.

Alex's mouth stood agape as she looked over the table to Olivia, who was still admiring the picture hanging on the brick wall. "What?"

"Funny story actually." Olivia put her fork down on her plate and looked towards Alex. "When Max quit the force—also a long story—, he went to culinary school and met Lorenzo. During that same time, the owners of this place were getting older and they were looking for someone to take it over so they could retire to Florida. Max was all about it, but didn't have the initial capital to put in, so we sat on it for a few months, trying to find some investors, but people weren't very keen on backing an old restaurant with two brand new chefs just out of culinary school, especially right after September 11th and the fear of an economic depression." Olivia's voice faded out as she looked over the restaurant before she began absentmindedly swirling her wine in her glass.

"You know, I brought my mother here two days before she died. Of course, it looked different than it does now, and the old owners were still here…" Olivia's voice fell as she twiddled her thumbs in her hands and looked around the restaurant. Alex was enthralled by the story, looking lovingly at the beautiful detective across from her, understanding the extreme vulnerability on display.

"She got on her soapbox and told me that it was one of her favorite places in the world. She would come here in college and study, prepare lesson plans when she was a professor, and would bring me here when I was just a kid in pigtails. She spoke so lovingly about this place that I knew I had to do something to save it…" Olivia looked around the restaurant before she bowed her head down and played with the hem on the napkin in her lap.

"Unfortunately, or fortunately, I haven't figured that part out yet—she died just a few days later. So, it was obvious to me that _this _is her legacy. This place is what she wanted me to remember from her life, I know it. And, this place is somewhere that I always remember us being together, and being happy."

"Sometimes I think that she came here when she didn't want to drink—when she wanted to get better, because she knew she wouldn't ruin this place with drunken memories." Olivia realized she was talking herself a little further down memory lane than she wanted to go, and she quickly returned to the original topic.

"But, anyways, when she died, she left me some money, and I used some of it to buy the owners out—they were happy. They moved to Florida, and I called Max. I told him the situation, and I've been a silent partner ever since."

"Wow. Liv, that's…I never…" she sighed and smiled as she shook her head. "You're amazing." Alex was surprised she was stuttering, but wasn't sure what she had wanted to say. "So, you paid someone to rehab and opened it back up?"

Olivia's eyes widened and she began to laugh. "Oh no! WE rehabbed. Floor to ceiling. I learned a lot about home repairs…Elliot helped!"

The mere thought of Olivia Benson wearing overalls, handling tools, and sweating amidst the rundown interior of this building made Alex's core wet. She was lost in her fantasy for a few minutes—imagining Olivia and Elliot lifting, pulling and pushing various building materials, seeing Olivia hammering nails, and stacking cement blocks. She dreamed of Olivia atop a ladder, wiping sweat from her brow as she painted the tops of the walls…"

Olivia was sitting across from the attorney, her eyes narrowed, clearly trying to figure out why Alex's eyes had glazed over, yet still stared straight ahead, eyeing the detective from head to toe.

"You ok?" Olivia spoke with a concerned look on her face.

"Yeah…" Alex cleared her throat and tried to rid it of all desire. "I'm good." She wanted to continue the conversation, feeling that she was delving deep into the emotions of her normally locked-up girlfriend.

"So, you, Max, and Elliot rehabbed the place? It looks great. I'm sure he was happy to finally have a place of his own."

"Yeah. He's a great guy. So, I guess that's it. And we've been partners ever since."

"These are some nice perks!" Alex smiled as she nodded towards the wine and lifted it to her lips.

"Well, watch out counselor. If you're not careful, you might get a dish on the menu named after you!"

"HA! Does Elliot have one?" Alex asked because she knew that besides her, Elliot was the closest thing Olivia had to family. If they named dishes after people, he would surely have one.

"Of course he does." She pointed to a blackboard in the front of the restaurant that highlighted the weekly specials. She read playfully, with a fake Italian accent, "Elliot's Chicken Parmigiana. He loves that shit."

Olivia began to laugh as she pushed the last bite of her dinner onto her fork. She lifted it to her mouth but stopped when she saw Alex looking at her inquiringly. "What?"

"I'm just surprised. Here I am, thinking I knew close to everything about you, and it seems I've only skimmed the surface…why didn't anyone else know about this when you bought it?"

"Well, we didn't even really know if it was going to be successful, and I was only a silent partner after all, so I only told Elliot. Then, a few years after we actually started making a profit, I told Munch, Fin and Casey. Fin has a salmon dish named after him. Ha. Get it? Fin...Fish?"

"Very funny, detective." The blonde reached out and touched Olivia's hand as she began to speak. "I love you so much Olivia. I know I've missed a lot, being gone, and I just want to make that time up to you. I know that sounds silly, but I don't want to miss any of your…our…life together anymore."

Olivia smiled as she replied. "I know what you mean."

Lorenzo appeared out of the kitchen and took their empty plates. "What about dessert, Ms. Cabot? We have a wonderful red velvet cake that I hear you're quite fond of. We also have chocolate mousse, cheesecake, and I can make pretty much anything else you'd want if something else sounds better than those options."

Alex grinned at Olivia and knew that she had told Lorenzo about her fondness for red velvet cake. "You know, I actually have a red velvet cupcake waiting for me that I haven't eaten yet, so let's go with the chocolate mousse."

"Captain's Chocolate Mousse it is!" He turned on his heels and started towards the kitchen at a determined pace.

"Cragen?!" Alex laughed as she asked Olivia.

"Oh yeah. Have you ever seen that man around _anything _chocolate? It's over before it even starts…" They both laughed and Olivia began speaking through chuckles. "When we decided to put it on the menu, Max and Lorenzo told me to have some people try it to make sure it was good enough—so I took some into the station and gave it to him. Of course, he loved it, and I couldn't _not _name it after him after he was the first person to try it…plus, 'Captain's Chocolate Mousse' sounds better than 'Don's Chocolate Mousse.'"

Alex agreed and looked toward the detective. She couldn't help but love this romantic side of Olivia. And, just as she was opening her mouth to speak, Olivia asked her a question she couldn't say no to.

"You wanna dance? It might take a little while to make that." The brown eyes bore into Alex's very soul, searching for approval, asking for love, and effectively owning the attorney's heart.

"Absolutely."

As Olivia led Alex by the hand to the hardwood dance floor, the attorney couldn't help but feel a swell in her heart—she knew she truly loved Olivia. She stopped atop the floor and allowed Olivia to wrap her in her strong arms, Olivia's injured arm resting just above Alex's behind, and her other hand clasped in Alex's. The attorney placed her hand in Olivia's and wrapped her other hand around the detective's neck. They began to sway to the old, Italian instrumental music and Alex rested her head on Olivia's good shoulder, inhaling the scent of the detective.

"You smell…different—good different. I like it."

"Yeah. I bought something today while I was out—I thought you'd like it."

"Well you're right." Alex leaned closer to Olivia's neck and inhaled the fresh scent. It was prominent, yet subtle; rugged, yet romantic; and feminine yet masculine. Alex could best describe it as a crisp and fresh, with a spicy undertone. The more Alex inhaled, the sexier the fragrance got, and she choked back a moan as Olivia held the small of her back, cradling her cheek against Alex's cheek. The detective noticed, and began speaking with a smile.

"You ok?" She leaned her head down as Alex's eyes traced her mouth. She lifted her head from Olivia's shoulder and gazed into the detective's golden brown eyes.

"Never been better…It feels so good to be in your arms." They swayed to the music and Alex took her hands from their original dancing positions to place them around the detective's neck. Olivia's hands moved to Alex's hips and grasped gently.

"You going Jr. High on me, counselor?"

They both laughed as Alex began speaking. "No, I just wanted to be able to kiss you like this."

And with that, Alex gently pulled Olivia toward her, pressing her lips on the detective's, supporting her head and running her fingers through her hair. The kiss grew passionate as Olivia moved her hand around Alex's back, pressing her slender body against her own. Alex's tongue licked Olivia's bottom lip, asking for permission to enter her mouth, which was granted by the eager detective. Quickly, both women felt the pull towards the other, as they pushed their bodies together closer, and felt the other's hands hot on their bodies.

Alex's hand reached behind Olivia's neck, pulling the detective with each thrust of her tongue, while her other hand held Olivia's back, feeling her bra underneath her shirt. Olivia reciprocated just as hungrily: teasing Alex as she pulled away from the attorney, open mouths lingering in the air. The brunette's hand's rested on the small of Alex's back, pressing the blonde's pelvis into her own. They danced this tango for some time—Alex passionately pleading to kiss the detective, and Olivia allowing it, then pulling away, making eye contact and smiling with Alex, before the blonde gently pulled her neck towards her and resumed her assault on the detective's mouth.

Alex pulled away and moaned into Olivia's ear, pleading. "Let's go." She was focused on Olivia's lips as she spoke, not making eye contact with the brunette, but immediately licking her lips after she had spoken.

Olivia smiled as her core moistened. She could feel the heat building in her body, and she would have loved to grant that request, but she wanted this night to go as planned, and, although that _was _part of the plan, leaving before dessert certainly was not.

"As much as I'd like to do that…wow, you make it hard to say no to you." She looked at the attorney, who was eyeing her lips, her eyes, and was holding her tightly to her own body.

"BUT, it looks like we have dessert waiting for us." Olivia nodded towards the small table, smiling at the attorney who looked a little disappointed.

"Yes. Dessert. Of course." Olivia leaned in and kissed Alex's cheek, near her ear, where she whispered in a seductive tone.

"Don't worry—we'll get back to this later."

Alex's eyes widened with arousal as Olivia turned and walked towards the table. "Common babe. I'll feed you some dessert."

They returned to the table to find one bowl of chocolate mousse. After looking at the dish, Alex knew she should have known that Olivia had some part in the restaurant—the bowl was a tall, modern design, crafted from stainless steel.

Alex sat down and smiled, as Olivia sat next to her. It had been nice sitting across from her during dinner, but Alex thought she would like this arrangement a little more. Olivia reached over and took a spoon, scooped a small amount of mousse onto it, and lifted it delicately to the attorney's mouth, cupping a hand underneath to catch any wayward contents.

Alex couldn't help but smile as she opened her mouth. Olivia was being extremely sincere, and Alex felt immensely spoiled. Olivia's eyes widened as Alex's tongue made contact with the bottom of the freezing spoon. She closed her lips around the mousse as Olivia withdrew the spoon, smiling at the deliciousness on her taste buds.

"Wow. That is…so good." She smiled and swallowed her dessert, taking the spoon from Olivia. "Your turn detective." She took a portion from the bowl and spooned it onto the utensil. In the same manner, she held the spoon out for Olivia, who opened her mouth as she looked into Alex's eyes. Olivia felt Alex's hand move slightly to the left, and smear some mousse on her lip.

"Oh, so we're doing this?" The detective laughed, as she left the mousse on her lip. All Alex could do was smile, but the grin quickly slid off of her lips as she leaned in towards the detective. Just a millimeter away from the detective, Alex delicately reached out and touched Olivia's face, tilting her chin upwards towards the attorney. She slowly but deliberately licked the mousse off of Olivia's top lip, encasing it in a light kiss.

"Yep. We're doing this."

Quickly, it became a game of who-can-miss-the-other's-mouth the most. It was almost a challenge to find a more seductive way to feed the other, and Olivia was winning, often leaving Alex just gazing back at her. The game finally ended when the mousse ran out. Olivia reached her finger into the bowl, tracing it around the rim, gathering the last bit on her pointer finger and offering it to Alex. The blonde opened her mouth and took the detective's fingertip into her mouth, swirling her tongue around it. The detective was shocked, but extremely aroused.

"Looks like everything is good, yes?" Lorenzo startled them, as both women were lost in each other.

"Uh yeah…Yes…Lorenzo, thank you so much again. This was great." Olivia smiled up at him, but still gazed at Alex, keeping eye contact with the blonde.

"It's no problem, detective. I'm gonna get out of here—everything is cleaned up except this bowl so if you could just put it in the sink as you go, that'd be great. And, I'll leave out the back, so if you could lock back upstairs that would help me out."

"Of course, Lorenzo. I'll see you soon." Olivia said goodbye as she watched him walk out through the kitchen and exit the door in the back of the building.

"All alone?" Alex asked this question as she caressed Olivia's leg with one hand, innocently twirling a piece of her hair in the other.

"Seems that way." Olivia smiled as she looked into Alex's eyes. Of course she wanted to sleep with Alex, but more importantly, she wanted Alex to know she was loved, and furthermore, was worthy of the detective's love.

"Did you enjoy tonight…I mean, today…in general?" Olivia stuttered, as she watched Alex lick her lips.

Quickly, Alex's demeanor changed. Her eyes softened and her lips fell into a wonderfully pleased smile. "Liv, it was wonderful. I've never felt like anyone cared about me as much as I did today."

"Good. Alex, I just want you to know that I love you. And I don't ever want you to feel like you're unworthy of my love, because you always will be."

Alex smiled and tucked a piece of Olivia's hair behind her ear with a sigh. "Well, detective, are you ready to go back?"

"I suppose so…it might be nice to get in bed with you after a long day." Both Alex and Olivia smiled at one another, knowing exactly what that meant. Olivia was hoping that Alex would let the advance happen, but she knew she'd have to wait to get home.

They climbed the steps in the back of the restaurant, Olivia leading the way. Alex couldn't help but watch the detective's tight backside ascend the stairs effortlessly, her muscular legs propelling her tight ass higher and higher. She offered her hand to the attorney, who took it and ascended behind her. At the top of the stairs, Olivia turned quickly and wrapped Alex in her arms, kissing her softly but deeply.

"I love you Alexandra."

"I love you too baby."

They smiled and walked outside as Olivia reached for her keys. She locked the door at the top of the stairs and checked to make sure it was secured. They descended the stairs and reached the bottom as Alex raised her voice toward Olivia.

"Hey!" The blonde had turned back towards the restaurant and pointed to the large, modern lettering above the building. Her mouth was open in a smile, but she was obviously shocked. Olivia stopped and put her hands in her pants pocket, smiling and realizing what Alex had seen.

"What can I say? I told you it was her favorite place."

Alex approached the detective and placed her hands on each side of Olivia's face. "God, you are so wonderful. So forgiving…so loving. Why did I ever doubt you?" Without waiting for an answer, she placed a soft kiss on Olivia's lips. As they parted, they went to their respective sides of Olivia's muscle car, put on their seatbelts, and Olivia started the car.

As Olivia pulled away, she glanced back toward the restaurant, and knew that introducing Alex to '_Serena's' _was a good idea.


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: **And now, the moment you've all been waiting for! **dramatic music** You didn't think I would introduce you to 'Romantic Olivia' and then not allow her to _really _romance Alex, did you?

I'd love your feedback from this chapter. Thanks!

**Chapter 19**

**Together**

Olivia and Alex approached the elevators, the detective pulling the attorney closely behind her as she pushed the call button. Alex slinked her arms around Olivia's stomach, resting her forehead on the back of Olivia's head, inhaling her scent and delighting in the detective's soft chuckle. Olivia placed her hand atop Alex's wandering one, tracing over her stomach. The brunette stopped the traveling hand and rested it on her taut abs, caressing Alex's soft skin on the back of her hand.

The two women stood there for a few minutes in silence, Olivia's hand resting atop Alex's, lying on the detective's stomach, when the elevator doors opened. A young, blonde man with a bike emerged, barley missing Olivia.

"Oh. Olivia! Hi!" He moved the bike so he could speak to Olivia in a hushed tone, as Alex walked into the elevator. "I took care of…" he looked toward Alex and lowered his voice "uh what you asked me."

Olivia smiled and clapped hands with the young man in a half-hug. "Kev, I owe you."

The elevator doors shut as Alex turned towards the brunette with an inquisitive look on her face. Olivia answered very matter-of-factly, pointing towards the young man. "That's Kevin. He's my neighbor—he's in 45B."

"Ok…?" Alex was searching for further explanation, but instead was met with a grin from the detective.

"What?" Olivia raised her hands and looked Alex over. The slim-fitting black dress looked spectacular on the blonde, hugging her small breasts, slender waist, and strong runner's legs.

Alex smirked and replied as she moved closer to the detective, pinning her between her body and the wall of the elevator. "Oh, nothing." She closed her eyes and placed a soft, yet eager kiss on the detective's lips, gazing into the golden brown eyes.

The doors opened and Alex pushed her body off of Olivia, turning and walking out of the elevator nonchalantly. Olivia rolled her eyes, smiled, and followed closely behind her, enjoying the view. Alex stopped at the door, waiting for Olivia to unlock her apartment. The detective dug in her tight pants pocket and found her keys, shuffling through them to find the small silver key. She inserted it and moved her body to allow Alex to enter first, holding the door for the attorney. Instantly, Alex could see exactly what Olivia had asked Kevin to do.

Alex thought there must have been fifty candles lit around the kitchen and living room, creating wonderfully seductive lighting in the apartment. Alex walked to the kitchen table to see a vase full of red and white roses, complete with a card. She turned around to Olivia, who was standing in front of the closed door, locking it and keeping her eyes on Alex. The attorney had tears in her eyes and her mouth was slightly open as she connected with the detective, her hand lingering near the card.

"Go ahead." Olivia's voice was soft—barely above a whisper, and she smiled hesitantly as Alex reached for the card.

The attorney slid her hand under the unsealed flap and removed the card from the envelope. She opened the blank front to see Olivia's familiar handwriting.

_Alex,_

_I can only hope that you've enjoyed your day, and I am so happy that you allowed me to create it for you. When you came back from WITSEC, I'll admit that I had a hard time reconciling my feelings. I was upset, nervous, stubborn and touchy, and I will apologize for that behavior for the rest of my life, because I know that I pushed you away by acting that way. But now, I know that it was YOU who saved MY life, not the other way around, and I'll fight everyday to be able to love you more and more. I want to thank you for loving me since you've been back, and even more, for loving me the whole time you were away. I can never repay you for the time we lost together, but I can work towards making you the happiest you've ever been._

_I love you._

As Alex read this, Olivia moved into the living room, taking off her jacket and laying it on the back of the couch. She watched Alex read the card, moving closer to the attorney, but still giving her room to read the card in privacy.

Alex closed her eyes as she finished reading the card, and a solitary tear fell from her eye, landing on the kitchen table. She turned around to find Olivia standing a few feet away with a concerned look on her face.

"Oh Alex, I'm sorr—." Alex raised her hand and displayed the card to keep the detective from speaking.

"Olivia. I love you. I love you baby, I love you." She rushed to Olivia, still holding the card in her hand as she grasped the detective's face, kissing her feverishly. She planted kisses on her lips and cheek as she began speaking. "You are the most wonderful person, Olivia Benson." She stepped away from Olivia, holding her hands in her own and looking into the detective's eyes. "You know, just a few days ago, after I knew that I actually had a chance to be with you, I imagined what it would be like to be in a relationship with you. After all, the only Olivia Benson I ever see is the rugged, tough detective. But today, you exceeded every expectation I ever had, Liv. You are so unlike anyone I've ever known, and with you, I feel like the only woman in the world…and I want to thank you for that." Olivia smiled understandingly at the attorney.

Their eyes locked and neither could deny the energy. Alex reached up and cupped Olivia's face, pulling the detective delicately towards her, and placing her other hand on Olivia's hip. She looked from the detective's slightly parted lips to her relaxed eyes and spoke gently. "Kiss me, Olivia." She wanted to be submissive to the detective—she liked feeling Olivia's strong arms and her gently assertive grasp.

Olivia enjoyed Alex directing her. She held the slender blonde in her arms, grasping her body at her waist and on the small of her back. Olivia pulled Alex as close as she could and pressed her lips to the attorney's. Alex basked in the feeling of Olivia's strong arms holding her tight, her biceps and forearms flexing around Alex's waist. Alex reciprocated the kiss gently at first, but it quickly grew passionate between the two women, as Alex's hands traced to Olivia's face, grasping with each thrust of her tongue. Olivia's eager hands reached around to Alex's zipper and began to pull it down when Alex placed her hands above Olivia's breasts and pulled away.

"Liv-" Alex gasped as Olivia cut her off.

"Don't." Olivia's voice was rough, yet pleading.

Alex caught her breath as she and Olivia eyed one another hungrily, moving their eyes from the other's eyes, to lips, to bodies. Olivia knew that Alex was conflicted about what they were about to do. The detective knew that Alex wanted to, and was probably only holding back because she didn't want Olivia to be hurting. Meaning to make her silent decision easier, Olivia pulled Alex closer, tilted her head and placed her lips on Alex's delicate neck. She began kissing with her mouth closed, placing small pecks up and down her neck, before using her tongue to entice the attorney. Olivia could feel Alex reciprocate, holding the detective's head with one hand and squeezing her ass with the other. Olivia sucked lightly on the blonde's neck, intimately pulling Alex's skin away with her mouth, before the attorney lowered her head and spoke.

"Take me to bed, Liv."

Olivia needed no further direction. She took Alex's hand into her own and placed a kiss on the attorney's mouth. She led Alex down the hall as she saw the glow from the candles she knew were lit in the bedroom. When Alex stepped into the room, emotion overtook her again, this time in the form of arousal and pure, unadulterated love. Rose petals adorned the bed, and as she surveyed the scenery in the warm candlelight, she heard soft music faintly playing throughout the room. Alex turned and looked at Olivia, hoping she could sense the appreciation in her eyes.

Olivia led Alex to the end of the bed and put some pressure on her, causing her to sit. Olivia dropped to her knee, delicately removing Alex's new black wedges, placing them carefully aside, and running her hand up the attorney's calves. She lifted one of Alex's feet, holding her heel and kissing her ankle, calf, and tracing her tongue up to the attorney's knee, where she placed a gentle kiss. As she stood, she kicked off her own shoes, pulling Alex's hand to stand up and face her. It always bothered Olivia that the attorney was somewhat taller than her, but right now, she was in perfect position to unzip her dress. She began to reach around Alex when she felt pressure from the attorney.

"Let me," Alex's voice dripped with desire as she began to unbutton Olivia's shirt. She slowly worked down, releasing each button, savoring the new sight of skin each opening presented. She carefully slid the shoulders down, allowing the shirt to fall to the floor, leaving Olivia clad in a solid nude colored bra. Alex slid the straps down over Olivia's shoulders as she reached around and unclasped Olivia's bra with amazing dexterity. As her bra fell to the floor, Alex moved in to kiss Olivia's shoulder. She placed tender kisses directly over the two symmetrical wounds that scarred the detective's muscular shoulder. Olivia closed her eyes and sighed, feeling love swell in her heart for the blonde attorney.

Olivia took advantage of Alex's gesture by reaching around and unzipping the back of her dress. She pushed the shoulders over Alex's, as the attorney removed her arms. Olivia crouched down in front of Alex and peeled the dress over her body, watching the black fabric give way to ivory white skin. When the dress reached the floor, Alex took Olivia's hand and stepped out of it, flicking it with her foot towards the chair in the corner.

The blonde quickly returned to Olivia, slowly unbuttoning her pants and peeling them off, in the same fashion that her dress was discarded. Olivia stepped out of her pants and pulled the covers back on the bed. She strongly, but delicately guided Alex in front of her, facing the bed. She unclasped the blonde's bra, pushing it off of her shoulders from behind, her hands tracing down the creamy white skin, causing Alex to moan in delight. Olivia tossed the black lace bra towards the dress that was already lying haphazardly on the floor.

Olivia reached under Alex's arms and cupped the blonde's supple breasts from behind, kneading them lovingly in her strong hands. Alex's head fell back against Olivia's shoulder, granting the detective access to resume her activity from earlier. She placed her lips on the side of Alex's neck, quickly feeling the vibrations as the attorney moaned in pleasure. Alex turned in Olivia's arms, face to face with the detective, fixing her eyes on Olivia's: both sets of eyes were darkened with arousal. Neither of them needed to speak, and both were ready to be even more intimate with each other.

Olivia wrapped her arms around Alex, gently laying the attorney down on the bed, supporting both of their weight with her uninjured arm. Alex lay on her back as Olivia hovered over her, mere inches from her face, her eyes filled with love and intrigue.

"You're so beautiful." She spoke lovingly as she removed the attorney's glasses and placed them on the nightstand before looking back at Alex. She glanced down to the black lace thong she had purchased hours earlier and began to speak. "As great as that looks…" She knew she was granted permission at once, as Alex licked her lips. Olivia balanced on her knees between Alex's legs and gently hooked her fingers under each side of the thong, pulling it down her thighs as Alex's raised her legs and knees, Olivia pulling it down her calves and over her ankles, finally tossing it over the side of the bed.

Olivia scooted forward, placing her hands on Alex's hips, rubbing up and down the attorney's thighs, kissing the inner part of her knees before resting her eyes on Alex's wet core. The attorney was cleanly shaven and Olivia could see the swollen bud awaiting her touch. Alex leaned up and switched places with the detective, removing Olivia's panties and placing them on the floor.

Alex didn't want Olivia to have to support her own body, so she decided she would take it from here. She gently leaned forward, placing kisses up and down Olivia's neck, tracing down to her chest where she enclosed an erect nipple in her lips. The detective moaned quietly as Alex trailed hot kisses from one breast to the other, giving the other nipple the same wet, gentle treatment. Olivia could feel her core growing hot as Alex explored her body, open mouthed, licking and delicately nibbling her olive skin.

Alex straddled Olivia below her and let her hair dangle down onto Olivia's face. Their eyes connected as the detective reached up to grasp Alex's breasts. As she did this, pure sex exuded from the attorney, as she arched her back and moaned in ecstasy.

"Oh Liv." Olivia scooted up, effectively holding Alex on her lap as she rested her bare back against the headboard. Alex's hands found Olivia's face and she began to kiss the detective below her hungrily. Soon, both were thrusting towards one another, gasping for air and moaning into each other's mouth. Olivia kneaded Alex's thighs, pushing her hands harder into her hips, before slipping one hand between the attorney's legs.

Instantly, Alex felt her lover's hand and almost collapsed over Olivia. She braced herself by grabbing the top of the headboard with one arm and pushing on Olivia's chest, above her breast, with the other. Olivia moaned as she felt the burning wetness between Alex's legs. She looked above her, meeting Alex's eyes as the attorney nodded, giving Olivia permission.

She slid one finger into the attorney, as Alex moaned into Olivia's ear, still holding tight to the headboard, as to not collapse onto the detective. Olivia moved her other hand around to the small of Alex's back, feeling the attorney begin an up and down rhythm, her muscles contracting and releasing around Olivia's hand.

Slowly, Olivia inserted another finger, and then another, as Alex continued her pace. Olivia leaned forward and placed hot kisses on the attorney's chest and stomach while Alex began to grow louder.

"Uhh Liv. Fuck, mmm I'm gonna…oh my god, I'm gonna come baby." She whispered into Olivia's ear as she increased her speed. Before she realized it, though, Olivia withdrew her fingers and almost growled into Alex's ear.

"Not yet." She wrapped her good arm around Alex and, in one motion, switched positions with the attorney, laying Alex on her back. The blue eyes Olivia had come to be so familiar with burned with an intense desire, almost begging the detective for more.

Olivia hovered over Alex, separating the attorney's legs with her knees and kissing down her torso, nipping at her hipbones as Alex's core thrust off the bed. Olivia gently calmed Alex's legs, running her hands over her thighs. She separated her legs, looking down on the attorney's throbbing core. Slowly, she leaned down and licked the length of Alex's lips, eliciting a loud release from the attorney. She circled Alex's clit with her tongue and gently reinserted two fingers, starting a moderate pace, and rubbing the inside of Alex's thigh with her other hand. She felt Alex's muscles contract tightly around her fingers as she gathered the bundle of nerves in her mouth, flicking her tongue over it and driving the attorney crazy. She reached down and guided Olivia's head as the detective removed her fingers and concentrated solely on the attorney's oral pleasure.

Olivia continued until Alex's hand tightened in her hair and she moaned out her name. "Oh baby, I'm coming." Olivia inserted a finger and began to stroke Alex's inside walls as the attorney began to crash down around her. "Oh Liv!" Olivia could feel Alex's muscles clench tightly around her hand, and a moment after, Olivia sensed a release, and she leaned down to lap up Alex's juices. She ran her tongue through the attorney's pink lips multiple times, as Alex shuddered and relaxed.

Olivia worked her way back up Alex's goose bumped body, placing kisses on her hips, stomach, breasts, and neck, before laying her naked body atop the attorney's. Alex brushed Olivia's hair out of her face and placed a zealous kiss on her mouth, opening her own to taste Olivia. They both lay against each other, sweating and panting, trying to regulate their heartbeats. They parted when Alex began speaking.

"Wow…I have no words." She sighed and gazed into Olivia's eyes, as she guided the detective to lay beside her, tracing her body with her fingertips.

"I love you Alex. Thank you."

The attorney turned her head to meet Olivia's eyes. "For what?"

"Well, the whole point of today was for me to spoil you—for me to make you see exactly how worthy of my love you are. And, although there are obviously other ways, I can't think of any better way to show you than to make love to you."

Alex looked back at the detective and basked in her glow—she knew that's exactly what had happened: they had made love, completely different from the first time they went to bed together, and they both knew that this time, it was for real.

"I love you Olivia—I know that for sure. And…if I had any energy, at all, I'd show you exactly how much." She smiled and cuddled towards the detective, resting her head on Olivia's good shoulder and placing her hand on her abs.

"Well, maybe that can wait till tomorrow—I have therapy in the morning, so maybe after that, I'll be able to dazzle you with that push up you wanted."

Alex's lips curved into a smile. "You know, I actually thought about that…until you started kissing my neck."

"So _that's_ what melts the Ice Queen? Good to know." Olivia tightened her grip around Alex, pulling her closer as the attorney pulled the covers up around them.

"I could get used to this," Alex said as she snuggled her head into Olivia's neck, placing a soft kiss on her jaw, and caressing her lover's stomach until she fell asleep, secure in Olivia's arms. The detective knew she could wait a few minutes to blow out all the candles. For now, she wanted to hold Alex, reliving the evening's events, and knowing that she truly held her world in her arms.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: **Thank you all so much for sticking with Olivia and Alex! I'm so glad you enjoyed the last chapter, as they were finally able to get their shit together and do the damn thing. Now that all of the niceties are out of the way, I think we will see them being a little more forward, while still learning a lot about each other and growing into their relationship. Thanks again guys, and, as always, I'm open to suggestions/comments/questions.

**Chapter 20**

**Getaway**

Alex awoke early the next morning and raised her head to look into Olivia's face. She watched as Olivia slept quietly, taking in every detail from the detective. She always found Olivia tremendously sexy and even more than that, startlingly beautiful. As she looked down upon Olivia, she traced the strong detective with her eyes. She admired Olivia's perfectly manicured eyebrows, her prominent cheekbones and her slender lips, and found it hard to not kiss Olivia as she slept.

She carefully got out of bed and put on some of Olivia's shorts with her NYPD t-shirt. She looked down at the detective one more time before exiting the room, walking towards the kitchen to make some coffee. As she stood waiting for the fresh brew, she smelled Olivia's new fragrance lingering on her skin from last night. The attorney closed her eyes and inhaled the smell of the detective as her thoughts reversed to the night before. Her arms ached as she remembered gripping the headboard, balancing herself atop Olivia: she smiled and leaned her head back, massaging her neck with her hand as the coffee began dripping into the pot.

The attorney jumped as she felt hands move from under her arms to her hips, lovingly touching every inch. "Oh my god you scared me!"

"I'm sorry, Al. I didn't mean to." Olivia began to plant kisses on the side of Alex's neck, reaching around and gripping her hips as Alex grinned and whimpered happily as her head fell back onto Olivia's shoulder.

Alex spun around and faced Olivia, wrapping her arms around the detective's strong body. "It's ok." She placed a loving kiss on Olivia's mouth and rested her hands above Olivia's breasts, under her collarbone. They looked into each other's eyes, and Alex saw that Olivia looked conflicted as she began to speak.

"About last night…"

Immediately Alex's face fell and she stepped back a little, hitting her back against the black quartz counter. She was worried that Olivia was feeling guilty about last night. The attorney's mouth opened a bit in distress.

"I just wanted to ask you…" Olivia lowered her head, as her voice grew faint. Alex was relieved, as she knew where Olivia was going with this and smiled privately. She turned around and grabbed the two coffee cups, signaling Olivia to sit on the couch.

The detective walked over to the couch as Alex watched, following with their coffee. Olivia was wearing a green, long sleeved Sienna College Alumni shirt with a black pair of yoga pants—a simple pair of loungewear, but Olivia could make any ensemble remarkable. They sat on the couch, Alex placing her cup in front of them on the coffee table. She turned to face Olivia and smiled.

"So what were you saying, detective?"

"I um...I just wanted to ask you if uh…last night. If it was…" Olivia was obviously nervous to ask the question Alex knew she was trying to spit out. She traced the rim of her coffee cup with her finger, mulling over the question she hadn't asked. The attorney leaned forward, getting off of the couch and standing in front of the detective. She took Olivia's coffee cup out of her hands, placing it next to hers on the table. Delicately, she straddled the detective's thighs and settled lovingly into the crook of Olivia's neck, kissing the olive skin and eliciting a sigh from the detective. Alex leaned back and looked into Olivia's face.

"Olivia Benson, are you trying to ask me if you pleasured me to my satisfaction last night?"

The detective blushed and looked down into her lap when she felt Alex's hand under her chin. She pulled the Olivia's face up to meet her own, and looked deep into her brown eyes.

"Wow, you're actually blushing…so it's dirty talk that gets you…I never would have guessed."

"Alex, you know I think you're ridiculously sexy whenever you talk about…well, anything. I was just wondering…"

"Baby I couldn't have imagined anything better. When you made love to me last night, it was the best I've ever felt, the most connected I've ever been with anyone, and even more than that, the most loved I know I've ever been…I'm just sad I couldn't repay you right away."

Olivia smiled, knowing Alex was telling the truth. The attorney placed her head back down on the detective's left shoulder, speaking softly to her. "Thank you so much for everything yesterday baby. It was so much more than I ever expected." She looked into Olivia's eyes and placed her hands delicately on Olivia's neck. "I like this romantic Olivia Benson—I've never seen this side of you before."

"I just want to make you happy, Alex." The genuineness in her voice was profound. Alex couldn't help but wrap her arms under Olivia's arms and rest her head on her shoulder, smelling the fresh scent on her neck.

"God, you smell so good, Liv." She kissed Olivia's neck, slipping her tongue out to meet the warm flesh. She felt Olivia's hands tighten around her hips, caressing her lower back and moving her hands under a familiar pair of shorts. Alex wasn't wearing any underwear and Olivia could feel the smooth, creamy skin of the attorney calling her closer. Her hands slipped under the waistband and cupped Alex's ass in both hands, pulling her up towards herself, effectively pulling the shorts off of Alex, catching them on her mid thigh.

"Mmm Liv. You feel so good." Alex whispered into the detective's ear, as she straightened up onto her knees, pulling Olivia's shirt over her head, delicately removing her shoulder and arm. "Sorry baby—you ok?"

Olivia didn't respond, but instead grabbed Alex's face impatiently, forcing her mouth open with her tongue. Alex reciprocated, gaining dominance in Olivia's mouth. The attorney backed away and stood up as Olivia began to thrust forward again, not expecting Alex's absence. She stood in front of Olivia and began to strip, slowly removing her shirt over her head, smiling at the detective. She flung the shirt onto the chair as she bent down and scooted the shorts further down her legs, flicking them with her toes so they landed on Olivia's stomach. The detective smiled, removed the shorts, and focused her attention fully on Alex, standing completely naked in front of her.

The attorney reached up and put her hair in a ponytail tortuously slowly, maintaining eye contact with Olivia the entire time. Olivia watched as her breasts perked as full attention as Alex reached up and tied her hair in a tight ponytail. She watched as Alex traced her hands down her own neck, fondled her breasts and began to trace her hands down her stomach. Olivia's eyes were wide, her mouth open in shock, as Alex slowly cupped her hand between her legs, feeling her own wetness quickly before she brought her hands back up to her breasts, walking towards Olivia.

She knelt down on the floor in front of the detective, reaching up and removing her pants, delighted to see that she wasn't wearing any underwear underneath. Olivia's breath hitched as Alex's traced her hands up Olivia's strong thighs, caressed her hips, and gripped her tight abs. She nipped at Olivia's legs, eliciting short gasps out of the detective, before she delicately placed her hands on Olivia's hips. Alex reached forward and pulled Olivia closer to the edge of the couch, separating her legs and revealing her wet, throbbing core to the attorney.

The sight of Olivia's desire for Alex made the blonde's breath hitch. She slowly cupped her hand between Olivia's legs, feeling a bare, wet mound. She noticed a small strip of brown curls and couldn't help but moan at the sight. She leaned forward and took Olivia's clit into her mouth, as Olivia threw her head back and moaned in approval. Alex swirled her tongue in Olivia's sex, getting lost in her taste. Slowly, she inserted a finger into her lover, curling it upward, as to touch the soft muscle that she knew would drive Olivia crazy. The detective pushed her body forward, moving rhythmically with Alex, as she inserted another finger into Olivia, still tasting her sweet flavor.

She felt the detective's hands on her head, beckoning her up. Alex stood up and leaned into Olivia, thrusting her fingers back into the detective as she leaned into her, kissing her neck and wrapping her arm around her back. Olivia took Alex's chin into her hand, pulling her close and ravenously kissing her, tracing her tongue around the attorney's mouth before shoving it forcefully back into her lover's hungry mouth.

Quickly, Olivia began to pant, moaning into Alex's shoulder. The attorney continued to delve further into Olivia, sinking her fingers deep into her lover and retracting until she felt Olivia's muscles tighten around her. She leaned forward, cradling Olivia into her arms awaiting her climax when the detective whimpered. "Al I'm gonna—" Before she could finish, she threw her head back, mouth open and tightened her grip around Alex, who held her through the initial pull. She latched her mouth on to Alex's shoulder and bit down, producing a moan from the attorney. A minute later, Olivia panted into Alex's neck, gasping for air, as her lover placed light kisses on her face, ear and neck. Alex smiled as she felt Olivia come through another aftershock as she removed her fingers and placed both of her hands on the detective's hips, kissing her longingly and gazing into her eyes.

"Wow."

"Is that all you can say?" Alex laughed, because she knew exactly what Olivia was feeling, as she had felt it the night before.

"Al, that was…" Olivia smiled and chuckled as she placed a tender kiss on the attorney's lips. "Absolutely amazing."

"I know what you mean. " Alex grinned as she moved a piece of hair out of Olivia's face. "I love you, Liv. I'm sorry if I'm saying that too much, but I think I've just wanted to say it out loud for so long that I just can't seem to say it enough. I've learned so much about you over the past few days—and, even though we weren't necessarily friendly towards one another, I've noticed things about you since I've been back that I can't help but admire."

"What do you mean?" Olivia couldn't help but be curious. After all, she knew she had made some dumb decisions while Alex was away, but she thought she was still pretty much the same person.

"Well, I mean, this body for one." Both women were still completely naked, and Alex had resumed her original position atop Olivia, straddling her thighs. She placed her hands on Olivia's abs and pressed lightly, smiling the whole time. "But, besides my somewhat selfish reasons…" Alex smiled at Olivia and began speaking again, "I see the same Olivia Benson I always saw, but now there's something different behind those eyes, and I just can't put my finger on it. But I like it. You're more confident, you know what you want, you're unapologetic yet sympathetic—it's hard to explain."

Olivia watched as Alex spoke, paying close attention to what she was saying. "Well, counselor, I wouldn't say you're exactly the same, either. Everyone changes. Hell, I hadn't seen you in five years. But…I have to tell you Alex, I never stopped loving you. I thought about you every day, and whenever we got a new ADA, I knew none of them would ever take your place."

Alex smiled as Olivia continued, "I'll tell you what's different about me now, Alex. I have you." With this admission, she reached up and cupped Alex's face in her hands. "The only reason I had been so cold and unhinged is because I thought you'd never come back, and I knew I wouldn't get over you. But, I don't have to worry about that now—you're mine, and I'm yours. And I'll never have it any other way—unless you want to get rid of me."

"Never, detective." Alex kissed Olivia and they stared into each other's eyes lovingly for a few minutes before Olivia's phone buzzed on the table. Alex reached over and handed it to the detective, who unlocked it and read the message.

"Shit! It's Mark." Immediately both women looked at the clock—Olivia was late for therapy. She quickly texted him back as Alex gathered their clothes, jogging towards the bedroom to grab clean clothes for Olivia.

_Damn, Mark. I'm so sorry—we are on our way. 15 mins._

Alex came back into the living room, fully clothed, holding a change of clothes for Olivia.

"Wow. As much as I know you need to put these clothes on, I can't help but stare at you sitting there on that couch, knowing that I just fucked you."

Olivia's eyebrow raised and she blushed as she turned towards the attorney. She couldn't speak, as Alex helped her off the couch and into some soft, cotton panties and a camisole. Olivia grabbed a tshirt and pair of Adidas shorts and put them on as Alex started to speak.

"Damn, Liv. I didn't know you were so susceptible to dirty talk…I'll have to remember that." Alex smiled and watched Olivia put her clothes on before they left the apartment, hailing a cab to get to Olivia's therapy appointment.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Alex waited in the waiting room as Olivia worked with Mark. She could see through the glass to her beautiful girlfriend, pushing and pulling, working with the therapist to strengthen her shoulder. After about an hour, Mark knocked on the window and motioned for Alex to come back. He walked her to a table where Olivia was sitting up, leaning her back against the wall and her legs in front of her. She had a machine attached to her right shoulder, with Velcro and tubing attached—Alex was confused as it looked pretty restrictive, however, Olivia looked up from a magazine she was reading and smiled excitedly when she saw Alex.

Mark must have noticed Alex's apprehension and explained. "Hey…it's just icing equipment." As he said this, Alex saw water moving through the tube and into the Velcro pack. She smiled reassuringly at Olivia and Mark, knowing why she had been called back.

"Well, we've got some stuff to talk about, but first I wanted to update you, Alex, on how she's doing." Alex nodded as he continued. "She's progressing nicely, and I want you to make sure she is still doing her exercises twice a day." Alex nodded in agreement as she met Olivia's eyes. She knew exactly what they were both thinking: Olivia had foregone her exercises last night for something a little more extracurricular, and they both knew that, as they smiled at one another.

"Yeah—I know that smile. I'm not stupid, guys. Listen, if you can do…that…without any strain on her shoulder, that's fine. Do it all day. However, she needs to avoid any strenuous activity. So, I'm not going to pretend like I know what you guys are into, but I just need you to know that if, at any point, you feel any pain or stress in your shoulder you need to…change…something." He looked between Olivia and Alex as he was saying this. Alex couldn't help but laugh at Mark. It was no secret that he was totally fine with their relationship, but it was funny to see him talk to the women about intimacy, like he was placing restrictions on them.

"Mark, I know you probably don't approve of…these strenuous activities so soon, but I will tell you that we have been very careful. I don't want to cause her any pain, and it would be a huge setback if she wasn't able to relax enough to recover and go back to work at 100%." Alex turned the lawyer on in full force and convinced Mark that everything was fine.

"I know Alex, I just thought I should say something. Now, what we talked about yesterday." They both turned and looked toward Olivia, who returned a questioning glance.

"I didn't talk to you yesterday."

"Oh, no. Not you—your girlfriend, here."

Although it was very true that Alex was Olivia's girlfriend, they both were new to hearing someone else say it, and smiled at one another. Olivia was very curious to know exactly what they had spoken about. She was away from the attorney for most of the day the day before, so she was sure they had talked when she was by herself.

"Olivia, Alex here has an idea. So, I need to speak to you about it to make sure you're ok with it." Olivia looked from Mark to Alex with a skeptical look on her face. As she listened closely, Mark deferred to Alex who began speaking.

"Liv, what do you think about getting out of the city for a little while?"

"Well…we could do that…"

"The reason I'm asking is because I've got a house in Martha's Vineyard that I haven't been to since I left. We've both got some time off, and I think that it would be a great place for you to relax and get back into the swing of things, without the stress of the city."

"That sounds great, babe." Olivia smiled and touched Alex's hand, as the attorney stood close to the table, rubbing Olivia's back.

"Ok. So. That's where I come in." Mark's voice was authoritative as he looked towards both women. "This is what I can do for you: we've got an office 10 minutes outside the vineyard. Now, the therapy of course will be paid by your insurance still, but you'll have to pay for someone to come to you."

Alex jumped in, "that's not a problem."

"Alright. So here's the thing—you're returning to work on September 1st, correct?" Olivia nodded and turned to Alex, who also nodded in agreement. "Ok. So, I want you to come back on the 30th. I want to see you before you return to work. I know you'll probably be on the desk for a little while, but I think, if you rehab correctly, you should be good to go when you get back. But you HAVE to do your exercises every day—you understand?"

They both nodded in understanding as he began speaking again.

"Listen, I'm not going to say anything about your relationship. I really like the both of you. But, if I find out that you are reinjured because of…well…any sexy business…I will have both of your asses."

They all laughed and Mark began to detach the icing machine from Olivia's shoulder. She got off of the table and took Alex's hand in hers as they said goodbye to Mark.

"I'll call you when we get there and they can set up a schedule to come to the house. Thanks again for being so accommodating, Mark."

Olivia and Alex walked out of the office, discussing their options for lunch.

"I can't lie to you, Alex. I really want some frozen yogurt."

Alex laughed and granted her request, turning to walk down the street to Olivia's favorite frozen yogurt place. They entered, choosing their own mixes, paying, and exiting the small eatery. They sat outside at a table across from one another and began to talk.

"What'd you get? The old standard?" Alex smiled and peered over into Olivia's cup. She knew the detective's order from many years ago and wondered if it was still the same.

"Yep. Vanilla bean with strawberries and chocolate syrup. What'd you get?"

"Peanut butter and cake batter. It's damn good."

Olivia smiled as she chuckled. "I forgot about your sweet tooth—I'll have to remember that." Olivia dipped her spoon into her cup, gathering a strawberry atop her yogurt and offering it to Alex. She leaned forward and placed her spoon into the attorney's mouth as Alex closed her eyes and replied.

"Mmm. That's good…want some of mine?"

"Oh no. I'll stick to the fruit, counselor." She smiled at Alex for a second as the attorney began to speak.

"So, Mark was…interesting today."

"mmhhmm," Olivia replied as she ate more of her yogurt.

"I mean, he was basically telling us not to get rough enough to reinjure you. I find that pretty funny."

"Well, there's no way for him to know what we do…alone." Olivia's voice was very matter-of-fact, which intrigued Alex. After all, they hadn't really talked about their sexual preferences—what they liked, what they preferred—they just did what felt good last night.

"Yeah. I mean, there's no way for him to know what we're into…" Alex said 'we' with hesitation, as Olivia finally understood her tone and placed her spoon in her cup, looking at Alex with intrigue.

"Right…what exactly are you getting at, counselor?"

"Well, I'm just saying that I think we should probably talk about this, now that we've been intimate. I just want to be open with you, Liv."

"Well, I would be lying if I said I haven't experimented with…different things." Olivia thought back to the women she had slept with while Alex was gone—none more than twice, all into different things. She dated a young woman who wanted to be tied up, a fellow cop who preferred handcuffs, and another woman who enjoyed Olivia using a strap-on on her. She had seen it all, pretty much, but didn't want to admit all of this to Alex, who she knew she dearly loved. All of those other women were just flings, and she didn't see the need to fill Alex in on all of that. "But, honestly, I just want to please you, Al." She placed her hands on Alex's, looking into the deep blue eyes. "I've learned that with you, I can be vulnerable. I can be strong, and I can be scared, because I know we get each other, and I know you love me…That's the thing that is so hard at work—you know, Elliot said it best once when he said, 'sex should be the best part of life, not the worst.' And with you, Al, it always will be."

Alex smiled and looked over to Olivia as she leaned back in her chair and crossed her legs. "Well, that's very sweet, detective. But, you've already made a fatal mistake."

Olivia smirked and raised that sexy eyebrow as she looked back at Alex. "Oh yeah, what's that?"

"You blushed when I got a little dirty with you this morning. Don't think I don't know what that means."

Olivia pursed her lips and looked back at Alex. She could admit to herself that she had fantasized about doing many, many things to the blonde, but she wasn't quite ready to admit those to Alex yet. However, it was good to know that Alex was open to that. The attorney leaned forward and scooped the rest of the yogurt into her spoon and ate it before she began speaking.

"Well, I'm glad you agreed to go away from the city for a while with me…I know one thing for sure: Martha's Vineyard is going to be fun." Alex smiled at the detective with leering eyes, tracing her body and thinking of their previous conversation.

The look wasn't lost on Olivia, who looked back at Alex with lustful eyes. "Yeah…when can we leave?"


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N:** Thank you all for sticking with this story! This chapter is a little slow, but I think it lays the groundwork for things down the road. Also, I mention a book in this chapter that really is wonderful-if you haven't read it, I recommend it highly. Obviously, I don't own any part of SVU or East of Eden, but am just referencing it for purely fictional purposes. Again, I hope you enjoy. I like seeing Olivia being a little more vulnerable, and we will see them both grow into this relationship while in Martha's Vineyard.

**Chapter 21**

**Relax**

Olivia sat on the couch, watching Alex pack her own clothes, along with Olivia's in the same suitcase.

"You're cute, packing our stuff together," the detective said as Alex stood up and smiled, leaning over the suitcase and looking at Olivia.

"Thanks, baby…I packed all of your stuff that I think you'll need, but I can't find your bathing suit-do you know where it is?"

"Oh. Yeah. I don't have one here."

"Well, that's ok. We can pick one up on our way. I thought you were a swimmer?"

"Yeah, I was, but my one piece stays in my gym bag and that's at the precinct, so if you want to swing by there before we go, we can."

"Oh. No way. You're not wearing a one piece this week." Alex traced Olivia's body with her eyes, smiling. Olivia grinned back at her, blushing as she drank her water and placed it back down on the table.

"Well shit," Alex threw her hands in the air and took a deep breath. Olivia always liked when Alex threw profanities around. It was such a drastic change from the normally well-spoken, refined lawyer, and Olivia couldn't get enough of it.

"What's wrong?" The detective asked as she got up from the couch, hugging Alex and looking over the suitcase.

"Oh nothing. It's just that I've gone through pretty much all of my clothes and I know I need to get a few more things…I'm sorry Liv, but we're going to have to stop by my apartment before we head out."

"That's ok—you're driving, right? We have to go there to get your car anyway, so it's ok babe. No problem."

"God, you're laid back when you're not working…" Olivia looked up at Alex with a questioning look. "Well, I didn't mean to imply that you _weren't _laid back when you _are_ working, but…"

"Alex, it's fine. Let's get outta this city." Olivia gently pulled the attorney's hand into her own, slinking in front of her, swaying her ass just a little more than usual.

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A half an hour later, Olivia was helping Alex gather some clothes, packing them away in the suitcase.

"This place is nice, Al," Olivia said as she was looking around, noticing Alex's stylistic touch on almost every piece. "It's weird that I haven't been here yet…But, I guess the last time I was over here we were both still sort of trying to avoid each other."

"Um, excuse me, detective? _I _wasn't trying to avoid you. I was told you didn't want to be around me."

"I know, Al. I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking."

"It's ok Liv. We all make silly decisions sometimes…anyways, Yeah, I guess this place is nice. But I've really grown to like your apartment, to be honest."

Olivia let this settle in her head. It would have been a perfect time to say what she had been thinking. _"Oh, well then, you should just move in with me." Say it, Olivia. _Before she could open her mouth, Alex began speaking.

"So, I think that's it. You ready baby?"

They finished packing, and Olivia couldn't help but notice Alex's slinky green bikini lying atop the rest of their clothes. She raised her eyebrows at Alex and the blonde smiled as she zipped the suitcase shut and placed her arms around Olivia.

"Ok. Whaddaya say we get out of here?" She placed a soft kiss on Olivia's lips and unexpectedly felt the detective's grip tighten around her hips, pulling her closer. Alex broke the kiss and rolled her head backward, exposing her neck to the detective who greedily took the delicate flesh into her mouth, sucking it lightly. Alex allowed this to happen for a few minutes, before putting a stop to it.

"Liv, we should go—you need to rest, especially after your therapy this morning."

"Wow, did Mark actually scare you? I'm surprised."

"No! He didn't scare me, but I'd like to get to the house before nightfall. Then we can resume this make out session, if you want."

Alex rolled the suitcase behind her as they exited the apartment and locked the door. They made their way down to the garage, as Alex led the way. She stopped at a sleek, black Mercedes SUV and opened the back hatch, tossing the suitcase and shutting the door. Alex helped Olivia into the car, opened the driver's side door, started the car, and exited the garage.

"When did you get this car? All I ever remember you driving is that silver porche." Olivia looked around the car noticing every rich detail; the hand stitched leather, monstrous LCD display with GPS, and wood inlay that was exquisite.

"I traded the porche in about 2 months ago. I just wanted something bigger. I will admit to being susceptible to advertising with this car—I saw the ad on tv and drove to Jersey immediately to trade my porche in. Do you like it?"

"Yeah, it's great." The silence was comfortable between the two women, and once they reached the edge of the city, Alex entered the highway and settled into a comfortable cruising speed, reaching her hand over to place it on Olivia's thigh. "So how long does it take to get there from here?" Olivia asked this question, as she didn't ever really take vacation, and the only places she ever drove outside of the city were usually work related.

"Well, it takes about 5 hours. But, I can usually make it in a little over 4." Olivia smiled. She had forgotten that Alex had a loving relationship with the fast lane. She felt safe with Alex, and leaned the chair back to relax a little, placing her feet up on the dashboard. Olivia took Alex's hand in her own, lacing their fingers together over her leg. She took out her phone and saw that Elliot had texted her.

_Hey. How are things? Missing you around here._

She smiled as she told Alex that Elliot was missing her. Quickly she responded.

_I'm good. I miss being there, but I'm taking a small vacation, so I'm excited about that. Tell everyone I said hi. I'll be back before you know it—and hopefully not on the desk._

He didn't text her back immediately, and Olivia knew he was probably out in the field with Munch or Fin. Alex looked over at Olivia and smiled, squeezing her hand a little as she spoke.

"Everything ok?"

"Yeah. I just told him we're taking a little vacation, and that hopefully by the time I get back to work I won't have to be on the desk very long."

"I hope so too baby. But, you need to make sure you take care of yourself—I don't want you getting hurt." Alex thought about what she had said. "Well, I mean I don't want you getting hurt ever, but I especially don't want you reinjuring that shoulder."

"I know what you mean, Al. You just don't worry about me—I'll be fine. I always am."

"Liv, I always worry about you. And it totally distracts me from my job." She chuckled lightly as she continued. "I should have known I was in love with you a long, long time ago, from how much I worried about you. I didn't ever think about Elliot or the others, but I always caught myself having to reread paragraphs in depositions because I was focused on how you were and what you were doing."

Olivia turned to look at Alex and reached her left arm up, caressing the back of Alex's neck. "Well, counselor, that's very sweet…but, if I'm going to be completely honest…my first thought of you wasn't _exactly_ love."

They both laughed when Alex asked, "well, what was it _exactly_?"

"To be perfectly honest, it was lust…I knew I shouldn't have been looking at you that way, hell, I didn't even know how old you were, or if you were gay, or anything. But, I know that I didn't hear anything you said to me within the first ten minutes that I met you."

"Wow. I think…yep, I'm speechless."

"Ha ha. I've rendered that Harvard mouth speechless? Nice."

Olivia smiled as she saw Alex looking her over, from her breasts down to her toes. "Eyes on the road, counselor. There'll be plenty of time for that later."

Alex rolled her eyes and focused on the road. She knew it would be a bit of a drive, but was just happy to be there with Olivia.

"I'm not tired—I'm sorry, Al. I know you want me to rest, but I just don't want to sleep. I'm tired of sitting around and not doing anything."

"Ok baby. You don't have to sleep; I just want you to relax. We can talk."

"Ok. What do you want to talk about?"

"I don't know." Alex looked around and saw the corner of Olivia's book sticking out from a tote she carried downstairs. "Ok. What's up with that book?" Alex nodded her head backwards and looked toward Olivia as she asked the question.

"What do you mean what's _up _with it? It's a book. You think because I'm a cop I don't read?" Olivia's tone was lighthearted, knowing that Alex was just curious, and didn't want to offend Olivia.

"Of course not. I know you love to read…where did that come from anyway?"

"Well, my mother was an English professor. I don't know if you knew that or not. She taught mostly English Literature, but as she got older, she moved towards American Literature. So, just from that I think I was drawn to reading…and, she named me after two characters from Shakespeare, so I think that curiosity was automatic."

"Really? Do you like Shakespeare?"

"No, not really. I mean, there are some sonnets that are beautiful, and some of his plays are entertaining, but the others aren't anything I'd read over and over."

"Wait…are you telling me you've read every Shakespeare play?"

"I don't think every one. But, my mom had the anthology—which I have now. I used to read it when she was reviewing plays with her students and she would ask me questions, explaining the plays to me as I read them aloud. We would each be different characters, and she always made it fun—I think that's why I still like to read so much. It was one of my favorite things about my mom."

Alex opened her mouth to tell Olivia, again, how wonderful and merciful she was. Olivia spoke so lovingly when she talked about her mother, and it was extremely gracious. Alex couldn't help but open her mouth to say something when the detective continued.

"But yeah, I think naturally I was a little curious because I was named after two characters in literature, so I think I just wanted to read because I saw the effect it had on my mom. She picked 'Olivia' because her character was comedic…and romantic. I think those were two things that my mom hoped for me to be, because she didn't have that in her life. And, she picked 'Rosaline' from 'Romeo and Juliet' because, as I'm sure you know, she was beautiful and somewhat of a mystery, but even more than that, she was the motivation behind that whole story. You know, if Rosaline hadn't left Romeo, he wouldn't have tried to find Juliet. So I think she wanted me to have a little bit of that too—you know, pave my own way."

"I don't want you to take this the wrong way, detective, but, you are completely captivating me right now. I've never heard you talk about anything academic, and it's a total turn on. You may know more about literature than I do, and I majored in English!"

"No, I don't know a lot—I just read. It's as simple as that. And, back to your original question, that _specific _book…" she nodded her head back towards her tote. "Have you read it?"

Alex shook her head, as Olivia reached behind her and grabbed 'East of Eden.' "Well, it's my favorite book, for one thing. But, I picked it up about two weeks before I saw you in Alphabet City and started reading…you know how the job is, Alex. I would come home and think about these victims and nothing could ease that burden…so I'd open a book and read. I would come home and read passages upon passages, and they would just reinforce my shitty mood. But, I think I like this book so much because it helped me understand that it was _you _that I was missing. I would read different parts, and slowly the message would turn from how I see it, to how the book wanted me to see it—and that's why I love reading so much. It's all in your own perspective…until one day, it's not. You think you know what the book is trying to tell you, until you see something else and realize it's a different message." She reopened the book and read some more.

_"__A man so painfully in love is capable of self-torture beyond belief."_

"I think I realized that I needed you after I read this book again. I finished it while we were waiting for the warrant on Carlson. Sort of interesting, huh? That I finished it just hours before I told you I loved you for the first time?"

Alex turned toward Olivia with tears in her eyes. She knew the detective was smart, and on many occasions, she had seen Olivia work out a case by herself and come to the right conclusion, but she never saw Olivia as this profound. This was a whole new side of the detective that Alex had never seen, but was charmed by, and it made her fall even harder.

"Liv, I love you so much."

"I love you too Al. Now don't get all sappy on me. You know I'm not as well educated as you, Mrs. Harvard, but I pick up a thing or two here and there."

"Olivia Benson—don't ever assume you're not smart just because you didn't go to Harvard. You're good at your job, and you're brilliant. You notice the small things, you're compassionate, trustworthy…and, if I say so myself, extremely sexy."

Olivia smiled and closed the book, rolling her head to look out the passenger side window. "Ok. Now you—why'd you major in English? Didn't you know you wanted to be a lawyer?"

"Yes. I knew I wanted to be a lawyer—I think it was engrained in me from a young age. Of course, you know my uncle Bill…"

"Testified in his court many times," Olivia said with a smile. She always thought it was funny how snobby everyone thought Alex was, and she could see why, but knowing Alex as she knew her now, she didn't think that at all.

"Well he's a judge and my cousins are all lawyers, except one—who is a law professor. I guess it's just something you do in the Cabot house. So, I went to Dartmouth and was a Political Science major for a while, but honestly, I was getting tired of it. Then, I read an article about the LSAT and it said that English majors tend to do pretty well on it, so I switched. Pretty silly, I know. But, I liked to read, and I figured I could do it. So, I majored in English and minored in Political Science."

"So did you do well on the test? Obviously, I guess. You got into Harvard."

"Yeah I did ok," Alex nodded and kept her eyes on the road. Olivia knew she was lying, and wouldn't be surprised if Alex had gotten a perfect score. She knew that Alex was a perfectionist and Olivia silently let it go. She sat back and looked out of the windshield, watching as they passed slower cars, zipping down the road. Before she knew it, her eyes were heavy and she leaned back, closing her brown eyes and squeezing Alex's hand. The attorney looked over in time to see Olivia's breathing even out, her head fall to the side, and her chest fall slightly; she was sleeping soundly, and Alex thought she had never seen anything more beautiful.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

**Arrival**

It was a few hours later when Olivia was awakened by her phone ringing. The Italian instrumental ringtone immediately gave it away, even if Olivia wouldn't have answered it as she did.

"Max, what's up? Yeah…Congrats! I'm glad you finally figured it out…Yeah, just make a new one and we'll send it to the printer. I might have something to add too. Just put it on the board for now…Yeah…Martha's Vineyard…right…I'll come in before I go back. Alright, tell Lorenzo I said hi. Ok. Cya." Olivia hung up the phone and reached into her messenger bag, placing her glasses on her face before writing herself a memo on her iPhone.

"Sorry I fell asleep babe. I really didn't think I was tired." She said this as she yawned and pecked her fingers on the screen, typing herself a reminder to call Max when she got back in town.

"Liv, don't apologize. It's o-" she hadn't noticed that Olivia had put her glasses on and had to do a double take when she looked over to her girlfriend.

"It's.. It's ok," she stammered.

"You ok?" Olivia asked, pleasurably entertained. Alex knew that she was asking because she wanted to make Alex feel uncomfortable, so she turned it right back on Olivia.

"Oh yeah. I'm good. I was just thinking about how I'm gonna fuck those glasses right off your face later."

"Oh my god, Alex!" Olivia laughed as she spoke, blushing deeply.

"Seriously. You better brace yourself…now I see why you always liked when I wore my glasses." Olivia just smiled out the passenger side window when Alex decided to change the subject.

"Anyway, we're about a half hour out. What did Max want? Sounded like a good conversation."

"Oh, yeah. He finally proposed to his girlfriend, which is great, so he wants to add a dessert to the menu and name it after her, which is cool. But, that means I have to reprint new menus—which, I'll admit, we've needed for a while, it's just another expense. But it's no problem. I'm just happy that he's happy."

"That's good—but, what else are you adding?" Alex asked smiling at Olivia.

"Now _that, _counselor…_that _is a restaurant secret."

"Whatever you say."

A half an hour later, Alex exited the main road and turned down a narrow, pebbled drive. A mile further, she rolled down her window and entered a five-digit code that opened a set of white rod ironed gates inward, allowing the black SUV entrance into the property. Alex pulled forward down a lengthy driveway and coasted to a stop in front of the front door of the house.

"Home sweet home." Alex spoke as she exited the car and came around to help Olivia out. She opened her door and wrapped Olivia into a hug. "I hope you like it here."

Olivia waited by the car while Alex removed the suitcase, tote, and both of their bags, placing them on the ground by the car. Olivia bent down and took her messenger bag and tote, putting one over her left shoulder and carrying one in the same hand. Alex protested, but she reminded her that she still had one good arm. As the detective moved around toward the front of the car, she took a deep breath in and could smell the ocean, as she took in the view of the enormous house in front of them.

"Wow. Alex, this is…huge."

"Yeah. I know. It was a guilty buy—I saw it when I was here on vacation with my extended family a few years ago and I fell in love with it." Alex turned the key and opened the door, uncovering a huge foyer and living room, complete with a modern stone fireplace and flat screen TV. Olivia stood gazing at the living room, noticing every detail from the coffered ceilings to the perfectly placed furniture.

"Liv. Just put that stuff down. We can deal with it tomorrow. I'll bring you some pajamas—why don't you head down that hallway right there," Alex pointed behind Olivia, wrapping her hand around Olivia's hip, rubbing her skin lightly, "and it's the last door on the left. There should be fresh sheets and extra pillows, and whatever else you need. Go get settled and I'll be in there in a few minutes." She placed a kiss on Olivia's lips, lingering a little longer than expected, before the detective turned and headed down the hallway.

Olivia entered the master bedroom and was stunned by the beauty—it screamed Alex Cabot. An oversized bed sat in the middle of the room, adorned with a white down comforter and lilac pillows. There was a white brick fireplace across from the bed, ready to be lit. The contrast of the dark hardwood floors was beautiful as Olivia eyed the distressed wood dressers that probably held Alex's vacation clothes.

To the right of the bed there was an alcove, containing two large white leather chairs, with a bookcase leaning on the wall next to them. Olivia sat down in one of the chairs and put her feet up on the shelf under the large bay window, looking out toward the surf. Night had fallen, and Olivia could barely see the waves rushing into the sand, but she could hear how wonderful it sounded. For just a few minutes, she closed her eyes and enjoyed the fact that she wasn't assaulted by the noise of the city: no cabs honking, no yelling, no busses screeching to a halt. The only sound Olivia heard was the sound of the ocean, and she liked it.

A few minutes later she heard Alex come down the hallway and enter the room. She carried two coffee mugs, handing one to the detective.

"I know you like coffee, but I couldn't remember if you like tea. I put some honey it in and made it sweet for you because I know you like your coffee sweet. If you don't like it, it's ok."

Olivia took a sip and felt the warm liquid flow down her throat. "This is great. Thanks for the honey, honey." She laughed at her own joke as Alex looked down upon her, urging her to make room for the attorney in the large white chair. Olivia spread her legs so that Alex could sit in front of her. The attorney leaned back into Olivia's body, tucking her leg under her knee. She put her head back on Olivia's uninjured shoulder and sighed in satisfaction. They sat in silence for a few minutes, drinking their tea, until Olivia began speaking. "Alex, this place is…just amazing. It's so relaxing."

"Well good. I'm glad you like it. I'll give you the grand tour tomorrow. I spent a little time here right when I got back from WITSEC. It's sort of my safe place. I like to come here when I can—whenever I can get away from the city. Actually, I haven't been here in a little while, but I already know that this is my favorite spot in this whole house."

"Where? In this chair?"

"No. In your arms." Alex smiled and looked back at Olivia. The detective smiled lovingly at Alex, wrapping her arms around her tightly, and placing a kiss on the back of her head.

"Thanks for taking such great care of me Al. Not just with my shoulder, but just in general. You've really helped me see what's important." Olivia hesitated, and Alex must have felt the vulnerability in her voice, giving the detective's hand a squeeze. She shifted her body a bit and turned so she faced Olivia. She reached up and brushed her face, pushing a stray piece of hair behind the detective's ear.

"What's wrong baby?"

"Nothing's wrong Al. I just wanted to say thank you. For the past few years, I think I've known that I've been so lost—I've been looking for all the wrong things in the wrong places. And I think I knew that I was just trying to fill your spot in my heart, but now I understand that it's not anyone else's to fill. It was never open to anyone else because, I think I knew even then, that I would wait for you to come back, because I think I knew that we felt this way about each other."

"Olivia I'm so sorry. I know that I hurt you, and if I could, I'd take it ba—" Olivia stopped Alex with a kiss.

"Don't apologize. It's not your fault." Olivia smiled through the tears that had pooled in her eyes. Alex took the glasses off of the detective's face, folded them, and placed them on the table between the chairs. She took Olivia's face in her hands and lowered her voice to almost a whisper.

"Olivia Benson, I love you so much. To be honest, when I went into WITSEC, I wasn't sure I'd ever see you again and it almost tore me apart. Then, when you were shot, the same feelings returned. You were lying on the grass and there was so much blood…" a single tear fell from Alex's eye. "And, in that moment, Liv, I knew I never wanted to cause you any more pain ever again."

Olivia smiled into a quick kiss on the attorney's cheek. She gathered Alex's legs over her own as the attorney rested her head on Olivia's chest. She sipped from her tea as she stretched her neck and removed her glasses, placing them next to Olivia's on the small table. Minutes had passed before either woman spoke. Alex sat peacefully, listening to Olivia's heartbeat and feeling her breathing even out.

"You tired?" Alex asked as she sat up and put her coffee cup on the table. Olivia's eyes were half closed as she yawned and stretched her body before getting off the chair.

"I'm sorry Al. I think the drive just took it out of me."

"It's ok baby. Let's go to bed."

Olivia turned to look at the bed and noticed that Alex had brought in their pajamas. She felt Alex's hands slowly cover her body, pulling down her bottoms, dropping them to the floor to reveal hot pink lace panties. Alex couldn't help but chuckle.

"Wow. _That's _surprising!" She looked towards her lover's underwear and smiled, as she carefully removed them and reached for the pair of red flannel pants lying on the bed, holding them open so Olivia could step into them. The detective did so, and reached down to pull her pants up, settling them low on her hips.

"What's surprising? That they're pink? I'll have you know…I'm _somewhat _feminine."

"Oh it's not about being feminine, baby. You're obviously…" her hands traced Olivia's hips and breasts as she spoke in a seductive tone, "_very _feminine."

It worked. Olivia stopped Alex's hand on her breasts, urging her to touch them. The attorney's hands immediately magnetized towards Olivia, touching her everywhere and all at once. They both struggled for places to handle the other, as Olivia pulled Alex's shirt over her head and quickly undid her bra. She backed Alex into the bed, lightly pushing her so she lay on her back, giving Olivia easy access to pull down her pants and her white thong. Olivia leaned over the blonde, kissing her legs, working her way up her torso, taking an erect nipple into her mouth and slowly kissing around her breast. She felt Alex grab the bottom of her shirt and gently pull forward, taking the shirt off Olivia's back and pulling it over her head, careful not to cause her shoulder any pain. At this moment, Alex noticed that Olivia hadn't been wearing a bra, or had taken it off without her knowing. Alex moaned at the sight of Olivia's naked body in front of her.

Alex slid off the bed and took Olivia into her arms, kissing her neck lightly. She began to speak in a whisper. "You still tired, baby? We can go to bed and continue this tomorrow if you're tired." She resumed sucking on Olivia's neck, growing a little more passionate with each thrust.

"No. Not tired." Olivia's voice was an octave lower, and Alex knew when the detective became monosyllabic, she had her in her grasp. Alex smiled and resumed her slow, tortuous method of kissing Olivia's neck as she felt the detective's hands press against her back, pushing their bodies as close to one another as possible. Finally, they found each other's mouths and the hot, wet assault began. They were feverish, pulling each other closer, grabbing soft bits of flesh, and challenging each other for dominance.

Olivia knew they were comfortable with one another, but they still hadn't spoken about what they preferred sexually. With Olivia's job, she never wanted to make any of her sexual partners feel uncomfortable, and she especially wanted Alex to know she respected her. She broke a long, passionate kiss with Alex, and gripped the attorney's bottom lip between her teeth and bit down lightly, adding a little pressure when a moan escaped from Alex. Olivia released her bottom lip and traced her tongue over the slightly swollen spot, licking the attorney's lips slowly. Alex was lost in the sensation, closing her eyes and moaning into Olivia's mouth.

"You like that?" Olivia whispered in Alex's ear as she kissed the blonde's ears, biting her earlobe lightly. All Alex could do was moan and mumble into Olivia's ear, but the detective knew she was enjoying it. Smiling, Olivia thought she could push this a little further. "Tell me what you want, Alex."

The response from the attorney was not what she had expected. They were getting quite handsy with each other and they had quickened their pace, but when Alex opened her mouth, she almost whined for Olivia, desperately pleading. "I just want you, baby." Her blue eyes searched in Olivia's, lovingly pleading with the detective to take her to bed.

Olivia pulled herself away from Alex, walking around the bed, pushing the folded clothes onto the ottoman at the end of the bed. She gently pulled back the comforter and sheets, walking around to where Alex was standing. She kissed the attorney full on the mouth and guided her into the bed. She scooted into the bed next to Alex, pulling the covers over the both of them, resting her hand on Alex's stomach. Quickly, Alex climbed on top of Olivia, straddling her hips. She leaned down and kissed the detective on her mouth, and worked her way down her neck and to her breasts. Olivia reached up with her left hand and cupped Alex's breast, fingering her nipple gingerly.

They looked into each other's eyes, and for a second, they were both lost. Alex began to grind slowly on Olivia's leg, staring into the detective's eyes, and showing a slight smile. Olivia grabbed her hips, slowly rocking rhythmically along. Alex threw her head back, her blonde hair cascading over her shoulders and resting on her back. She placed her hands over Olivia's on her hips and continued her motion. Olivia couldn't help herself and removed her left hand from Alex's hip, slipping it under her warm center, sliding her fingers through Alex's wet folds.

Alex's body broke; doubling over onto Olivia, she could feel all the energy leave her extremities and concentrate in her core. She felt Olivia slip two fingers inside of her, gripping Olivia under her arms and up around her shoulders—she knew she should let go of Olivia's shoulder, but she couldn't command her body to do anything besides focus on Olivia's hand underneath her. Slowly, she sat up, balancing herself above the detective, allowing Olivia to move her fingers in and out of her.

After a few minutes, Olivia added another finger and watched as Alex grew closer to orgasm. She felt her muscles tighten around her and saw Alex's face flush with pleasure. She stopped all motion and opened her mouth in a wordless gasp, placing her both hands on Olivia's stomach as waves of pleasure rippled through her. She felt Olivia's hand rub her back soothingly, helping her through her climax. When she was done, she opened her eyes and allowed Olivia to remove her fingers, sending another shudder through her body.

"You ok baby?" Olivia took one of Alex's hands off of her abs and kissed it lightly as she spoke.

"Yeah…I'm great." Alex smiled, but became serious quickly. "I just want to make love to you." Olivia saw the mood change in her eyes, as her pupils dilated and her voice lowered. She moved her legs so she could push Olivia's apart. Slowly, she spread her legs out in between Olivia's, revealing the detective's wet core. Alex pulled on Olivia's hips slightly so she slid down the bed, lying flat on her back with Alex between her legs.

The attorney placed a soft kiss on Olivia's lips, intensifying it with her tongue. She gingerly touched Olivia everywhere-her lips, her face, breasts, arms, legs-she couldn't get enough of her. Alex moved an inch away from Olivia, reaching down and touching the detective's eager center, eliciting a gasp from Olivia. Alex leaned over the detective, kissing her stomach as she inserted two fingers into her wet core, sliding deep into Olivia. She began a slow, loving tempo watching Olivia's hips match her pace, bucking upwards to meet her thrusts.

When she knew Olivia was close, Alex began to rub her thigh and use her thumb to caress the small bundle of nerves that was waiting for Alex. Olivia's body shook as Alex finished her, the detective's muscles contracting around Alex, and finally releasing, her legs falling to the side. Breathing heavily, Olivia tried to regulate herself as Alex cuddled up beside her. The attorney rubbed Olivia's stomach lovingly, calming the detective before she spoke.

"You ready for bed?" Alex was soft-spoken, talking lovingly to the detective as she placed a kiss on her cheek.

"Yeah. But, I have to pee. And, I need your help with my brace." They both laughed as Olivia headed towards the bathroom. Alex put her pajamas on and waited for Olivia to come out. When she did, she helped the detective put on her pajamas, and secured the brace around her arm and shoulder.

Alex and Olivia climbed into bed together. They both couldn't help but think about doing this every night—together. Olivia rested on her uninjured side and looked into Alex's eyes. "I love you Alexandra." She reached up and lovingly touched Alex's cheek and nudged her nose with the back of her knuckle. Alex smiled and responded.

"I love you baby. See you in the morning." She leaned over and placed a soft kiss on Olivia's lips and turned over to cuddle into Olivia's body. She knew this would be a great vacation.


End file.
